There is a Celine Dion song that my younger daughter used to love and when I hear it (My Heart Will Go On) I can think of nothing and nobody else but her ... as a small and trusting but already strong child. Through all this chaos, and the times when I have said more than I should have or the wrong thing entirely, I have tried but there is NO way to explain to our children, not only through their defenses, but because of their love and trust in other relatives, who may be pretty toxic. So as they are now struggling to make their way into the world, I ran across this song and realize it "works both ways"; I was crying and seeing it from my point of view ... and hoping that it gets closer to this again before that day comes and realizing I must trust God for much of that ... but feeling more than I can. My only sadness is having learned even more than ever how much of separating me from my children was deliberate and diametrically opposed to their interests. But God sometimes gives the enemy all the advantages but still, in the end, the enemy loses.

Thanks for all the great encouragement lately in this regard, all of you who have provided it. I KNOW I can't "enable" and I can't try to "run their lives". I've had my opportunity, such as it has been. And I am going to trust that their foundation ... the first years that they did spend with me, will be an anchor and refuge through anything and they WILL return to that and build on it at whatever point in time. And I WILL always be there for them. And thanks again for all the suggestions and encouragement to see and respond past the pain ... I'm really starting to understand the "poison" and the "traps" even though I don't always respond as quickly or as well as I would like to. But I know overall, I'm doing better. And probably a very far cry from those who do not have such caring people as I have found myself surrounded and held up by.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3TxyYDcSw&feature=relmfu
Goodbye's (The Saddest Word) lyrics

Mamma
You gave life to me
Turned a baby into a lady

Mamma
All you had to offer
Was the promise of a lifetime of love

Now I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And I know
A love so complete
Someday must leave
Must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

Mamma
You gave love to me
Turned a young one into a woman

Mamma
All I ever needed
Was a guarantee of you loving me

'Cause I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And it hurts so
That something so strong
Someday will be gone, must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
[From: http://www.elyrics.net ]
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

But the love you gave me will always live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You are to me the greatest love of all
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will always love you 'til forever comes

And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there this I promise you, Mamma

Mamma, I'll be
I'll be your beacon through the darkest nights
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you 'till forever comes

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

'Till we meet again...
Until then...
Goodbye