pets hated my parents especially my dad. narcs shouldn't have pets at all they will just mistreat them as trash i never heard of a story where a narc has treated them with care and love. i had pets in the past they would duck and hide every time my dad came around. however, it is my fault that i wasn't "responsible enough" to care for them. gee, if i am taught any type of responsibility then how the hell do u expect me to take care of the animal?

my dad wants a mastiff dog, i hope the dog mauls him to death because that's what is gonna happen. u should see how police dogs reacts to my dad they wanna tear him apart!

That's what I was afraid of. I can see the attraction of a pet for narcs, as an extension of self, something that obediently follows. But yes, I'm worried about the toxic behaviour they may project onto a pet because it's the perfect silent victim. This makes me incredibly sad.

it's funny, my mom said how animals senses evil she thinks that doesn't describe her when it does! my dad can never understand why animals don't like him. let's hope the dog goes to a non kill shelter instead of staying with your ex.

He kicked the dog, once, a long time ago. One of our dogs disappeared once and he made some cryptic remarks ... I don't know what the real story is to that. The dog he "rescued" and loved ... he left behind when he ran off with the nurse. He had the dog come down to his mother's for a few hours on Christmas since then ... and the dog had to be put down as she was very ill, as my daughter learned on taking her to the vet. I think animals are like people ... when they cost nothing and are good PR, they are fine. But when they are not, they are entirely expendable.

Although many Ns abuse pets, some have been known to be extremely good to them. I learned about this in therapy many, many years ago. My N stbx is one of the exceptions. While he brags about dipping kittens in water and putting them in the freezer as a juvinile, he became a dog lover as an adult. He now has two little dogs that he says he would die for. They have every luxury you can imagine, including nearly 40 outfits and daily treats. They are in his lap or in his arms being carried around anytime he's not working. While it is unusual for Ns to be kind to animals, it has been known to happen.

Smileyface, I have always wondered about people who buy outfits and do things like leaving fortunes to animals (pets). I don't "get it" but that is me ...

I give our pets treats and I'll buy a bandanna for the dog, etc but I can't imagine all the little outfits, etc. ExN here also liked dogs and was not "keen" on cats. I sort of wonder if it has something to do with dogs being more dependent as well as more "demonstrative" and "loving". I just mean that the dog would never disagree with him or be stubborn or "cool" ... no matter how he treated her. Our cats, on the other hand, demand respect for their "personal" space and time ... no matter how "nice" we treat them. :-)

Yes, he did buy outfits, and carry it around treating it like a baby. I saw this as a public declaration, which in my experience Ns are kinda good at. However, I had a chance to hang out with the puppy, and it flinched when I raised my hand quickly, to me an obvious sign it had been hit across the face or snout. It also wanted to stay with me rather then follow him when he called out it's name.
Of course I could explain away these things, many people smack their dogs (although I personally hate that style of teaching animals) and many dress their pets up for attention. However, he got in touch with me recently in a psychotic state asking me to help him because he had lost the puppy, and accused me of taking it, hysterically telling me I had no heart because I didn't rush to his help because he wasn't coping. I said I'd look for the puppy, asked where he'd last seen it. He had been drinking and either couldn't remember or didn't want to say. I said I'd look for the dog and get my friends and family to do the same, this was not good enough, he needed me there pronto!
I'm afraid that the verdict for me is that, while pets may bring out a side of the N that looks sweet for an audience, it's just that, a prop for a N to try and convince themselves and others that they have a heart, or an attempt to expand on what they believe appropriate empathy to be. It has little to do with commitment and following through on the responsibility that is needed for any relationship, let alone one that includes just dependency. He wasn't there for his kids, certainly hasn't been there for any partners, and really should have started with a plant rather then an animal.
So, maybe these are merely opportunities for Narcs to send out an image of what they would dearly love to be, faking it publicly with an adoring creature that can't ever speak of the abuse and dysfunction they witness and suffer in private.
I may sound harsh, but I have a very low tolerance for people who are abusive or negligent towards pets.

Mine was an animal lover, especially dogs, but several kinds of animals. He treated them very nicely until his mask came off for the household during our divorce. Then, just as he treated the kids worse, he seemed to mostly give up on our dog. He would often say dogs can go for 2-3 days without food. He was cheap and did not want to buy the food for the times he had our dog. The kids told me he was starving the dog, and recently when our dog came over to my house, he was so glad to get to eat more food. I told him he has to feed the dog or he can't go over to his house any more.

I think he wants the dog around because almost nobody else is around at this point. He has lost most of his friends and family. He is lonely. Our dog used to give him automatic company and affection but maybe he is more hesitant now, I don't know. In general, our dog seems happy to see him, so I guess it is OK. Our dog moves with our kids and they are mostly with me these days, so things are probably better for the dog.

Mine also was an animal lover, to the extreme. However, the animal was supposed to do what he wanted, if it didn't 'act nice', he wouldn't hesitate suggesting to put the animal down. He also wasn't very fond of our (my) cats, since they were really focused on me, but that was probably more because he scared them with his angry outbursts towards me than that they really didn't like him. He had a thing for dogs (which I'm not too fond of), and now that makes more sense: dogs are indeed more dependent as dadda11o says, and would probably make a better extension of himself than cats do. Or I for that matter.

The N who I had as a girlfriend has a fantastic cat that I loved more than the N at times. And the two of them get along great. The N suffers from sleep apnea and has to use a sepap machine when she sleeps. One night the cat forced her to wake up and would not stop until she was awake because the N did not have the mask on while she was sleeping. That is a bright cat. N puts the mask on and goes back to sleep. The N loves that cat. If however the N is a psychopath there is no way of knowing the animals fate. The empathy and guilt are not a part of psychopaths way of functioning . This might put an animal at risk or maybe not. My Mom's way of relating to me had traces of psychopathy written all over it. But she loves her cat. The SPCA in your area would be the best to inform you on that question I gather. They have powers to take action if an animal is being abused or neglected I do believe. But for now it is status quo.

Psychopaths and narcissists seem to be a case by case scenario. I detected a possible sneer on his part considerring he was gloating over having a domestic animal. Maybe directed at you because you are an animal lover.

Samesame68: You brought up some great points in your reply. Since Ns love to be the center of attention, it's a definite reason why they take them in public. To get attention. It puts them in the spotlight, they get praise and adoration from other people. My stbx took them everywhere. And since they were all dressed up, the attention practically never stopped. He loved it. There are several underlying reasons why the "cute little dog" angle worked.

Dadda11o: You brought up a VERY valid point, which is extremely important to a N, which I had forgotten to mention. Ns love dogs because dogs are "unconditional" to them. Since a N is usually despised once people figure them out and see through the lies and facade, the dogs can become even more important to them because they love the N no matter what.

Dogs are dependent on the N, it puts the N in a position of complete power, which they crave.

Also, dogs are always happy to see them and give them neverending attention. Ns crave attention and can become "emotional vampires"...they will suck you dry. A dog never complains or has a problem with this, in fact it's what they love so it's a win/win.

My stbx said all the time to me "why can't you be like my dogs, they love me no matter what, they are always happy to see me". In the end I finally got the courage to say "if your dogs could understand what you are really like, they would run from you too".

which reminds me my dad brought home his friend's dog name prince last thursday before he went to cali again for the 2nd time. his friend couldn't keep his dog as he lost his house not sure why but him and his wife are moving into a rental home while he tries to sell his house. anyway, prince is such an adorable dog. my mom said my dad might give it to his illegal wife and dogs never liked my dad anyway. funny, how this dog hasn't picked up his narcissism yet he doesn't bark well he does bark not when he was there at the house.

u should see how police dogs especially guard dogs react to my dad they wanna rip him apart! i guess the dog (poodle and spaniel mix) is probably gonna stay with him for a while. i don't have the money nor the room to keep a dog i wouldnt want him to stay at the house because it is hoarded.

I just read how psychopaths will have a pet, just as a "prop" to convince those he wants to abuse that he is caring and kindhearted. Prooving he is caring and kindhearted would in this case be a means of manipulating those he wants to abuse into thinking he'd never ever be THAT abusive. Than he is off to the abuse he wants to commit. I'm wondering if i was used as a prop by my Mom. None of the ladies on my Mom's side of the family can stand me. Add to that all the lies she could have easily told them and thus a plausable explanation of their sense of superiority over me. Add to this that my Mom always was this private person. Many abusers of their kids would be quite private in these affairs with others On the other hand she knew how to be charming around others, unless she was crossed by one or more of them. Than she'd drop the person like a hot potato. And now that I'm not playing my former accommodating role she is not communicating with me. if asked than she'll simply say I never call her. The woman is a nut case. But yes. having a pet is for appearances to make the psychopath look caring and kindhearted to whomever (s)he wishes to abuse in many cases, according to Tim Mc Gregor who wrote the book Empathy Trap.