Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I cam across an article today about how the N acts like nothing happened and I realized that it was one aspect of the experience with an N that really bothered me. It's part of the crazy making. I can remember each time he behaved badly and I would think we were over or I tried to discuss something that bothered me and he would shut it down and perhaps we would part on not such great terms. Then he would call and want to see me and I would think that maybe we would talk about things but it never happened. He would act like the time before did not happen. The articled discussed what a destructive but effective tool this is because the victim not wanting to create drama will follow the N's lead and so in a sense you are saying that what happened was ok. When it clearly was not.
This crosses so many subjects, how he disappears for days (or longer) and then resurfaces not saying where he was or what he was doing - like it didn't happen. How he just "forgot" something he said or promised to do or didn't call when he said he would. Even discarding you and picking up with someone else right away like the time with you did not happen. There's nothing to discuss, nothing to get over. This is also how they feel ok with coming back around, asking for favors and committing other intrusive acts. Nothing happened, nothing is wrong. I even tried to tell myself that how he acted one day had nothing to do with then next until I realized that was CRAZY!!! Friendships and relationships are built by stringing experiences together. The N wanted experience with no connection. What is that? Nothing.
Please share your "it never happened" stories.
Peace.
This crosses so many subjects, how he disappears for days (or longer) and then resurfaces not saying where he was or what he was doing - like it didn't happen. How he just "forgot" something he said or promised to do or didn't call when he said he would. Even discarding you and picking up with someone else right away like the time with you did not happen. There's nothing to discuss, nothing to get over. This is also how they feel ok with coming back around, asking for favors and committing other intrusive acts. Nothing happened, nothing is wrong. I even tried to tell myself that how he acted one day had nothing to do with then next until I realized that was CRAZY!!! Friendships and relationships are built by stringing experiences together. The N wanted experience with no connection. What is that? Nothing.
Please share your "it never happened" stories.
Peace.
Another guy I dated...I was with him 3 months...pretty sure looking back that he was N. We had done lots of things together. Bowling, dinners out, movies, etc. He liked ice fishing so despite hating the cold I agreed to go with him a couple times and I actually had fun. Til it came down to him wanting to do that and only that all the time. I also noticed he started flirting with his COUSIN but I thought I was just imagining things and being paranoid. Then he started getting more and more distant, wouldn't answer my calls, it was always me asking to spend time with him, etc. So I tried to discuss with him how I was feeling and find out where this relationship was going. He got immediately angry and defensive. I said we used to do all these things together and have so much fun, what happened? And he completely DENIED that we ever did anything else together. No movies, no bowling, no dinners out, no shopping at the mall etc. I was like WTF how does someone just FORGET these things? Then when I asked him what he saw me as...if I was just some girl he was passing time and hanging out with or if he considered me his girlfriend (I had met his family and had Christmas with them!) or what. We had discussed that we both were looking for a long term relationship that led to marriage and children eventually and he completely denied that too! He said he never told me he wanted to be married or have kids. I felt like I was losing my mind but I knew I wasn't. He ended that interaction by saying "besides, you're not marriage material". That was the end of that. I told him that was a cruel thing to say and he knew it wasn't true and I walked out. He hoovered me back a couple months later saying he made a huge mistake. I fell for it but it ended again a month later when I found out he was sexting with some girl. He slept with her the night I dumped him lol lovely.