Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Well, it's become a matter of principle, now. Not that I have the time to pursue it much. I just got off the phone with the Indiana Attorney General's office, the State Board of Nursing and then, the Indiana State Nurses Association. Mealy mouth Nursing Board and all else ... nobody will tell me what the heck is legal or not ... I never met such a bunch! The Attorney General spokesperson says it is fine for nurses to have sex with patients ... which is contradicted by the ISNA. Since I also have had a retaliatory protective order filed against me ONLY to keep me from contacting her husband and filled with lies (I have one of our "meetings" where I was supposedly "stalking" her on tape ... I didn't even know it was her that he went with, so why would I then be stalking her? And that is VERY CLEAR on the tape. And if nothing else, I WILL demonstrate in front of the hospital (only on public property) with a large sign featuring the "crotch shot" I downloaded from our phone account. Can you tell I am tired and cranky? Sorry ... but how would you like to take one of your loved one to the hospital and have to worry that maybe one of your parents will get seduced ... for their money? Or your spouse? This just outrages me!! Mostly because he is also on his stupid rampage because he thinks I am the reason that she hasn't gotten a divorce from her husband ... yeah, that makes so much sense. But it does fuel his rage.
So sorry for your pain. I can't believe that her actions were not illegal . . . . unless their rationale is that any intimacy that occurred did not happen until after your husband left the hospital . . . I guess that would be their reason for considering it a "private" affair. (And affair it was!!!) It is not like a teacher, where one party is a minor. Nonetheless, I understand your outrage. . . . even if it is not illegal (as they seem to say) . . . it is immoral. Have you checked to see if Indiana has "alienation of affection" laws. I was surprised to learn that Ohio does (or at least did when my ex had an affair with his secretary). If Indiana does, perhaps you can hit her where it hurts . . . . in the pocketbook . . . with a lawsuit. I should have done that with the secretary, but I concentrated on him alone . . . . have thought since then that maybe I was being too nice. It's a personal decision that only you can make. But if you have recourse you should consider it. If there is no recourse, then you really have to just chalk it up to injustice and let it go or else the pent up rage and frustration will take you down. You are a strong lady. Take care of yourself, even if it must mean that she gets a pass. Karma comes around eventually. Hugs. Courage.
There was a case last year in Oklahoma, where a nurse had her license pulled for 20 years for starting a sexual affair with a man who had Lou Gerig's. Apparently, at first they didn't do anything (it was "consensual" which is NOT a defense for the nurse, and the man in this case had a wife as well). Apparently, she was also having sex with soeone else and got pregnant - the crap then hit the fan. I'm sure the urse in that case as well as with my husband chose their victims (yes, he is stupidly destroying his own life believing she is just going to up and leave her own career oriented husband; no because she is, in a very twisted way getting back at her husband because he doesn't fulfill her notion of "romance" She gets the adoration and devotion from mine and doesn't darre say a word to hers, but she is actually "rubbing it in his face".
And yes, I may demonstrate if it is the only way to call attention. And yes, I do have a crotch shot and I am willing to use it. Plus pictures of them kissing and the 14 page "love letter". I went through the code with a man from the Indiana State Nurses Association; he is puzzled by their finding, too. The letter (which I turned in a copy with my complaint) makes it very CLEAR she started her crap while he was in the hospital. I'm guessing the AG's office just has a lot of easy wind with nurses who are using drugs or drinking, this case might involve some actual mental power to prosecute. I have lost A LOT of respect for "authorities" as you can probably tell.
We don't have alienation of affection for divorce, although there are provisions under malpractice, which this should fall under. But finding an attorney? I'm fairly certain that one of his stupid friends or her told him originally to file the divorce to "bluff me out", expecting me to beg him back or run away when he ordered me to.
Appraisal is scheduled for Monday, though and I know he is going to do everything within his power to keep the value low in order to kick me out with nothing. And THAT tees me off, because he has neglected repairs and even run down the landscaping plants that I bought and paid for (and planted), on purpose, as well as getting more animals in here that pee on the carpets and I have had to do all the cleaning up. So I am angry ... but I am well aware too that the market is down due to the economy ... I think this appraiser is the one that was out for the re-fi in 2009 and I will try to ask him how they adjust for having no comps (they have a hard time getting good comps even when the market was good). I am just VERY tired of being punished and I have not done anything wrong; nothing to deserve this, nor have our daughters.
And if she gets "a pass" she is going to be the reason for tightening up the laws or making them more clear. I am not done. I had to put my own goals aside many times in life, but the worthwhile ones I have always returned to. And this is evil, she IS a sexual predator.
Sounds like you keep getting accused of things you didn't do. How insulting!
I had a relative who would make up quotes that people said that people never said. She wreaked havoc within the family.
I do have one story that might bring a twinkle to your eye.
Just one quick one........one of the managers at a hospital nearby says that nurses have to be careful of guys who want to go out with them because alot of times, they are just looking for "a nurse with a purse!"
That just tickled my funny bone and I bet it is true.
If your husband is having money troubles, you can bet her paycheck looks pretty good. Just a thought.
And maybe once he gets it, he will leave you alone and let her pay for everything. Just a thought.
I feel a little better ... I called a hotline and vented there ... you would hate to see how long a written post would have gone on! Actually, I know a lot of this is triggering; I got a headache earlier ... I called down to Indy as Mr. Josh Schlake, legislative aide, has NOT responded to the e-mail I sent after our initial call (and the one before, where I was put in touch with the wrong person and also got blown off). I am actually starting to wonder who the H-ll these people think they are, to humor me that they are taking something seriously and blow me off?! I wish I could BLOW IT OFF so nonchalantly!
I read a good quote earlier too. Something like "Beware of the fury of a patient man." I guess woman would apply, too. I'm not patient by nature or desire. It takes a lot of self-discipline ... but I have a college level reading ability and I understand what the law says, even if the powers in charge want to act like I don't. I am also angry because of all the past violations of due process in my previous divorce, etc. I do not go around making trouble for people and I HATE Court and law, anyway. I much prefer people who don't need to be coerced through law to be around. I could understand if he was having trouble paying me, but TALK TO ME. (Anyway, guess they all went out to dinner - must have been on my dime, since it hasn't shown up here, yet!).
Oldandwiser, in a way I just want to cry. Especially talking with the young woman on the hotline, who was telling me (surprise, surprise) how much they hear of violations and additional Court and agency abuse. Also the FACT: there should be "fair access" to Court, you shouldn't NEED to have a lawyer to defend basic rights ... ie if you say husband stiffed me in marital settlement (which I complained about last time), the Court should review it. The law states: equitable settlement; same for custody and visitation violations. I lost so much time because he flagrantly flouted Court orders; do you think he EVER even got threatened, much less went to jail? Nope. I paid way more than my share in costs because I picked up almost all health care (first portion is supposed to be custodial parent's) plus I had to pick up a lot of the transportation expenses.
I told hubby some time back that he will be sorry ... either that he ever met me or that he ever let me go ... I do not need the "last word" but if he thinks I am done, even without money, he better get himself another think. And I am going to be just a bit evil ... can't help it .. posted this: "And it was a delight to listen to my grinding brakes as I drove and then see Mrs. R, who apparently hung out with my husband last night .... parked right next door. Apparently her brain and morals are just the right size and fit for S (NH) and C (MIL) ..."
I never saw that movie where the guy yelled out the window, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!!" I guess I am starting to think if more people would just get their gumption up but not "lose it" we could get most of the unnecessary government out and also, get rid of all these loose morals and con artists. I do not see any creed that said we should be silent and not say a word; mine says reprove them, 'specially if they are claiming "Godliness".
And everyone that hugged me recently, thank you also ... I will someday get part-way caught up ... maybe?