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I came across this material and want to pass it in. I was interested in the way the second pamphlet/book actually distinguishes "high conflict" from abusive ... the stuff I have read about high conflict to date actually uses the high conflict to include abuse. So these might be helpful to some of you, maybe even in terms of sharing some of the information with your attorney or others you might be working with. They are pdf, so you can easily save and share the info, as well.
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/She_hit_me.pdf
http://www.ncjfcj.org/sites/default/files/judicial%20guide_0.pdf
An except from the 2nd link:
(This is really interesting to me, as I ended up in a total "no win" situation and feel, at least that is where things are headed. I am planning to share some of this with attorney, too.)
A. [§13.1] Non-Compliance as Controlling Behavior
Abusive parents generally have carefully manufactured a situation that facilitates and, in
their minds, justifies their behavior. When the justice system fails to hold abusive parents
accountable, especially when their behavior has been revealed to the court, it reinforces
their belief that there are no real consequences for their actions. Because the abusive
parent now sees the court as a collusive partner, he or she may have no reason to think
that the court will hold him or her accountable to obey any of its orders. This result puts
both the child and the at-risk parent in an extremely dangerous position.63
B. [§13.2] What You Can Do
• Do not let the first violation of the order go by without consequences.
• Require that the abusive parent prove any defenses to the contempt or other action with
independent evidence.
• Order the abusive parent to pay all court expenses pertaining to the violation, including
the attorneys fees and lost wages of the at-risk parent.
• Even if not required to do so in your jurisdiction, make findings in your order that will be
helpful to you and the parties should additional contempt actions follow.
• Set a review date to ensure compliance and address any safety concerns.64
• Have the abusive parent wait in the courthouse for 15 minutes so that the other
parent may leave safely. Have a bailiff or security guard escort the at-risk parent out of
the building.
C. [§13.3] When the Abusive Parent Files for Contempt
There will be times when the at-risk parent violates an order. As with decision-making at
other critical points in the case, context is everything. In order to intervene effectively, it is
important to understand the effect that coercive control has had on the at-risk parent and
the context within which any violation of your order occurred.65 For example, an at-risk
parent may violate an order to protect the child’s physical or emotional safety, particularly if
the child was abused during a visit. Equally important is that you evaluate any new
allegations of abuse to avoid placing the at-risk parent in the no-win position of choosing
between non-compliance and failing to take action to halt further abuse.
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/She_hit_me.pdf
http://www.ncjfcj.org/sites/default/files/judicial%20guide_0.pdf
An except from the 2nd link:
(This is really interesting to me, as I ended up in a total "no win" situation and feel, at least that is where things are headed. I am planning to share some of this with attorney, too.)
A. [§13.1] Non-Compliance as Controlling Behavior
Abusive parents generally have carefully manufactured a situation that facilitates and, in
their minds, justifies their behavior. When the justice system fails to hold abusive parents
accountable, especially when their behavior has been revealed to the court, it reinforces
their belief that there are no real consequences for their actions. Because the abusive
parent now sees the court as a collusive partner, he or she may have no reason to think
that the court will hold him or her accountable to obey any of its orders. This result puts
both the child and the at-risk parent in an extremely dangerous position.63
B. [§13.2] What You Can Do
• Do not let the first violation of the order go by without consequences.
• Require that the abusive parent prove any defenses to the contempt or other action with
independent evidence.
• Order the abusive parent to pay all court expenses pertaining to the violation, including
the attorneys fees and lost wages of the at-risk parent.
• Even if not required to do so in your jurisdiction, make findings in your order that will be
helpful to you and the parties should additional contempt actions follow.
• Set a review date to ensure compliance and address any safety concerns.64
• Have the abusive parent wait in the courthouse for 15 minutes so that the other
parent may leave safely. Have a bailiff or security guard escort the at-risk parent out of
the building.
C. [§13.3] When the Abusive Parent Files for Contempt
There will be times when the at-risk parent violates an order. As with decision-making at
other critical points in the case, context is everything. In order to intervene effectively, it is
important to understand the effect that coercive control has had on the at-risk parent and
the context within which any violation of your order occurred.65 For example, an at-risk
parent may violate an order to protect the child’s physical or emotional safety, particularly if
the child was abused during a visit. Equally important is that you evaluate any new
allegations of abuse to avoid placing the at-risk parent in the no-win position of choosing
between non-compliance and failing to take action to halt further abuse.
An excerpt from the 1st:
"Relying on experience as both a defense attorney and prosecutor, I do not believe women are
more violent than in the past. On the other hand it is my opinion that it is now more difficult
than in the past for police officers and prosecutors to sort out who is the primary aggressor.
Today, more male batterers are alleging claims of self-defense earlier: with the 911 call and at
the scene. It seems we have trained our batterers well. As Gail Pincus likes to say “The jail cell
is a great class room.” Batterers are savvier about the laws. They have learned that calling 911
first to “tell their story” may help them avoid being held accountable. They have found that it
helps to retaliate against the victim for previous police calls because the victims naturally
become reluctant to make further calls to the police. With more allegations of women using
violence at the scene, the case becomes “messy” and hard to sort out. It is difficult for police
officers to determine whom to arrest.
If I’m right that it’s more difficult to determine the offender at the scene, then our attention must
focus on improving our training on how to identify the primary aggressor. The key to unraveling
the mystery of the case where both parties allege self-defense, is adequate training of all those
involved in prosecuting the case and a thorough investigation by those discovering the facts of
the case. With adequate training and strong investigative support, a police officer can identify
the primary aggressor and the prosecutor can prosecute."