Dadda,

I have a policy not to do Facebook or I would look at your video. Nonetheless, i do not need to see it to know how horrendous the experience must have been for you. Keep venting. Keep searching for ways to find peace and happiness. You certainly deserve to find it. There is a limit to how much any one person can withstand. Continue the fight if you feel compelled to do so, just remember that there is no shame if you have had enough and decide to just walk away. I don't need to remind you to have COURAGE as you already have exhibited far more than your share. We care. We are on your side.

I'm not on facebook but I will try to see if I can find it. My son is.

Found it.

OMG,

You handled yourself SO WELL.

You mean he can come in anytime and start this?

You are wise to get out of there.

Have you thought about the repercussions if he sees this on Facebook. I'm glad you have the video but I'm worried about you.

Prayers.

What are the repercussions? He is going to sue me? For what? Defamation ... slander ... libel? It is a "family gahering" and NO he was not allowed to come bounding in ... I tried to keep it all amicable ... even though I "got" exclusive use/possession, I told him he was more than welcome as long as NO FIGHTING. The day I got the provisional order from the judge, HE told ME he was moving back in and I was out of the bedroom. I wasn't real clear on Orders and Rights so I phoned the Sheriff's dept. to let them know what and why and oh, yes, my other stipulation was that we were going to notify the Court, because I WAS not going to have them thinking I was a waffle. I just figured "getting along" might be the better strategy ... no doing ... I have so much similar recordings and they go back to before we got back together. First time I recorded was two days before he took off; he'd been acting freaky with violent mood swings for months ... reported it to the doctors, etc ... no change ... it was the woman (in the pix).

It was a couple years ago it hit me for the VERY FIRST TIME ... he NEVER does that yelling screaming stuff ... ONLY to me and our daughters and NEVER around witnesses. The police won't do something, well I am tired of being made out to be the psycho person and the bad woman who left her children.

HE will not do a thing to me unless he was POSITIVE he could get away with it. Not to say I won't get messed with at some point. But I am not trying to repay evil with evil; I am merely defending myself if the authorities won't. I've lost enough. He has lived off our children's money. And now he is just trying to dump his 3 used up meal tickets for a couple of new ones ... nurse with good salary and assets, child worth 10 years of dependent benefits. He has told me how they have been trying (though this was months ago) to get her husband arrested for domestic violence. I can't contact him because of retaliatory protective order. And personally, I think (kids do too) she is just stringing him along ... as he is likely to die from another heart attack or some other problem from the diabetes. She's not involved in any divorce. And her husband has a very good job, even if he is not "romantic" enough for her.

And thank you, like I said, I "lost it" after; he was so vicious. Everyone seems to want to tell me my daughters are QUITE capable of handling and standing up to that sort of behavior ... from a parent. Those people have screws loose.

Oh, PS, yes, it is funny, sometimes washing dishes or feeling the breeze against my skin, lots of little moments I am appreciating the moment. He never supported himself, nor has his mother. When you are basically living on someone else's dime your whole/most of life (they have worked, I will give them that credit), destruction is easy. You just get more money. I have always worked and hated the PTSD ... in the beginning, it was nice to finally relax and not stress for a bit. I was getting better at gardening and everything, that stuff takes time and effort I haven't had to spare ... I just hate the waste of time and all the work that went into everything. I know I want a solution because the soap opera drama I can't stand. I want to dig more blue potatoes out of the ground, eat those vegetables that have almost "too much" flavor 'cause they are so fresh ... another reason I hate the thought of getting "cooped up" BUT some places around, you can at least have free garden plots you can visit and work and "do your thing". So it'll work out, somehow.

I guess I'm worried about your personal safety.

I've never heard anybody scream like that before.

Dadda and Happynow,

Dadda, I am glad that Happynow was able to view the video. Even though you may well be the strongest woman I know, I suspect that after all you have been through that somewhere deep in side you needed that validation that she gave you that your NH's behavior was/is way over the top. To feel that way would only be to be human. Even the most sane person begins at some point to question themselves when exposed to such insane cruelty as you have described.

Thank you Happynow for that gift of validation to Dadda.

How can we keep your cell phone active so you can be sure to record future "conversations" with the N?

My cell phone is fine ... as long as I don't talk TOO much. I bought a TracPhone when he turned off mine way back ... it is only $10 a month for 100 minutes, but I think it is actually double? and when they have good minute deals I get extra. And so far, the (house) phone has stayed on ... I do not know if it will continue, but that's the one that may ... I just hate talking on cell phone ... oh well, plus we had a good package on the house phone. Oh well ..

Ha some new and good thoughts ... will post about that after a bit ... hugs to all .... I am already running late!