Personally, I think if all that private abuse was recorded and it was admissablein courts lives would turn around. We are not far enough removed from my "mothers day" when women kept there mouths shut so as to never shame the "goodman". This stuff does happen. Women and children are abused and killed...in some cases it is the husband being abused.....yet it is "domestic and private". Somebody out there needs to wake up and realize a marriage licence and a hunting licence are not the same.

When I was younger, before the several mental institutions were closed, a husband only had to say his wife was insane and she would be institutionalized. Drs would add their signatures on only the husbands word.

There was a very sad case where a young mother was allegedly dealing with post partum depression after the birth of triplets (maybe that should have been labelled exhaustion) and he signed her in to an institution. Only he had the power to sign her out and he never did. Her parents tried in vain for years but could not get her released without his consent. He quickly hired a very young and curvaceous "housekeeper" to allegedly care for the babies. Didn't last long with the babies. He pawned them off to friends and he and the housekeeper went on living together. We eventually found out that they had been seeing each other before the babies were born and this was planned to rid themselves of the wife and babies encumbering their affair.

5 years later the mental intitutions were closed and she was released. Because her records showed no sign of mental illness, she was able to get her children back....although her husband who had not cared for the children tried to fight it. She won, divorced him and has had a great life since. And him? His affair partner left him and no one else would even consider him as a partner again. Served him right but it did not make up for the losses his innocent wife suffered. He passed away some years ago while she has remarried and is a happy grandma now enjoying her grandbabies. She did not sit silent after her release and boldly confronted marital laws and the rights of women in Canada. Her voice has made a difference just as yours can. If it has happened and there is evidence, never let someone silence you. It may not change your own life much, but you have advocated for others and only in this way will changes come.

Dadda,

Who's to judge . . . noone walks in your shoes but you . . . . as long as you can not be hurt by sharing or posting the videos of his bad behavior. . . then sharing them is your business. Just keep your self safe from retribution. Love Oldandwiser's contribution to this discussion.

So do I ... he had me admitted twice to mental hospital on false allegations I was homicidal and then, suicidal back after he first snatched the kids. That second time, we were scheduled for a provisional hearing as he'd shut down our joint bank accounts, even though my EARNED money was in there and he didn't work a day until we finally did divorce. So he tells the attorneys he wants me to come home. So I did, only the next night to get thrown into the loony bin. And I am sorry, I had no method, motive or history. Saying "I want to go home" is a suicide threat?! Someone REALLY needs to come and evaluate the "professionals" in these parts ... Well, the police groused after I was let out (for not meeting criteria). Female officer drove me to the house. He had piled black garbage bags FULL of my things into "my" car (the one with no heat and 200,000 miles). (I had to throw a lot of my things in a Goodwill bin just so I could safely drive.) He stood in the doorway, yelling and carrying on and saying I couldn't come in. So I left. The officer did NOTHING. Anyway, he took off the next day ... with our young daughters, who had three days unexcused absence from school while he was at his gambling hole, cross country. He just didn't want to make arrangements for me. I've already figured out the major problem is communication between agencies (plus integrity, obviously).

He actually violated my Federal civil rights by his actions (and me, even when crazy, am sort of resourceful ... I went to adult protective services and complained that he sent a mentally ill person with no means of support into the street. They were not helpful, but I headed over to Social Security and complained, filled out a disability app and got an earnings record. So that helped me in the long run; as there is a waiting period. And I was amazed; I did not feel disabled and kept trying to "go back to normal". I kept thinking they were having mercy (the psychologists, etc) because they knew I went through hell.

So maybe I will accidentally stumble into something useful. Hopefully, though it will be something that will benefit others as well as myself.

I found some journal records I hadn't seen. He filled out divorce papers March 30 of 2000. The previous time, he waited about a month, then all the crazy stuff, because I actually did tell him I wasn't going to drive with him yelling one night. The police came and he had to go to a motel. Then I had to make the report and became the "false allegation lady". Never interviewed, never reassured. Just got told to go away and "take care of" my mental illness. Pretty funny considering I'd just been released from the loony bin! Having my daughters snatched snatched, me thrown into the hospital and him filing his divorce papers ... Because of my uncertainty about my girls, things were worse than they would have been and just kept going that way.

But my notes say my daughters overheard their father talking to our doctor's office to try to get me committed again; I found some other notes. He used me and our kids for assets and probably "respectability"

Quepasa, if anyone messes with me, as far as I'm concerned, they can have treble damages on their head. They can tell lies in public that greatly alter or damage my life and I can't add a slice of the truth? I know you don't mean it like that, but at least if ever any foul play, they should know then who to look for. I'm not going to be malicious although sure, to those involved it might come across that way. I'm no "fighter" but I absolutely don't respect people who have no legal conscience behind the scenes but then run there to protect themselves, or to their mommie. And my thing is if I have a problem, I will 1st and foremost try to work it out with the person. Can't do that with cowards ... I seriously KNOW THAT is the main reason he is "done" with me. I have seen too much of the "truth" of him and there is no way he can face me and expect ANYTHING but scorn and contempt. Someone has to steal and mooch off little children and a woman and can't even do it without a gang? WOW, I am SO impressed. Just like when I noticed the kitchen phone gone and realized I'd been set up ... 3 big guys against me. And I am supposed to be a killer? They would want the phone on the wall if that were true. I literally in that instant realized how much danger I was potentially in.

Since it came out this way, I am glad he divorced me. I have a long ways to go to where I'd like to be, but I'm also far from where he was taking me and where he's gone. But I certainly don't see why my rights are violated and apparently will continue to be, mostly because investigators don't investigate; just grab the "easy answer". Mental health is on this biological kick and don't even have awareness of interpersonal dynamics or family systems or ANYTHING. It horrifies me, seeing some of what I have, that these people were ready to label me, drug me up and continue to get info from him. I persisted; I was right about them being wrong (nice feeling) and eventually won that battle.

And I can keep getting info and clarifying even til the last moment and then file even several motions. often even legally filed ones get sent back and need amending or some such thing. All this is in one sense is the Catholic church trying to keep us from having Bibles and doing masses only in Latin. It's like being forced to go to the ER with a $200/hour specialist or the ER doctor will ignore you or dismiss you. My attorney today told me "the system is not set up ..." another thing I am sick to death of hearing from SUPPOSEDLY intelligent people. Systems are made for people to use, not the other way. Otherwise it's oppression under a guise. And I know one thing, I will find out more 'cause I'll be damned if I'm going to pretend I'm free or respect some system of slavery. I mean seriously, what system of ANYTHING good allows someone to force you to spend beyond your means to protect yourself, especially if they are in error or malicious. Attorney fee award are a joke and disgrace. They are supposed to be considered in "justice" they are never awarded to the opposing party if it's known they can't or won't pay. Even ex filing irreconcilable differences ... what a hoot he is. Last time, I'm getting love letter and crap less than 3 months later. He they and it are just a very screwed up bunch that I will not being involved with or in.

will not *miss*

I feel better. I only posted one thing, because I had my settings on private and had time to think. Sometimes I feel like people will miss the point "this should not be" and think I am just a b*tch. But other times, people have "liked" some of what I have revealed and if it gets it somewhere at some point, like maybe people realizing they didn't KNOW and would have helped and they think or respond in future differently (as I have) then not a bad thing. I never like putting stuff "out there" I would have MUCH rather have had a miracle. But I know I'm not "alone" so I decided to go ahead ... and if it were to leave me "alone" maybe I am better off knowing that, ultimately, anyway. And who knows, maybe someday someone with more N traits than ingrained would be motivated to change, seeing themselves in full living color and sound. Might not make them more capable of love, but if more civility, not all bad, I guess.

Have you considered sueing (sp?) him? My lawyer told me that it is possible for the abused spouse to *sue* the abuser for the abuse and related wrong-doings. In my case it isn't something I'm interested in, but it sounds like your case has more features than mine that are publicly documented, although I can see that the authorities have been extremely dismissive and ignorant of your side of the story. Has your lawyer brought up this option? Mine said that the first such case was McCoy v Cook in the 1980s, and that the abused woman won.

Thank you, Creative Colors. Yes, I have gotten information (finally!!) about filing a tort for emotional distress, although the main "problem" is that except for the house, he has gambled or hidden all our assets.

As you noted, the authorities HAVE been dismissive of my concerns. When I tried to file for a protective order in 2003, the sheriff's department sent back the paperwork,saying they "couldn't find the residence" although they had been here multiple times. Now that I have found evidence of his premeditated and (truly) malicious fraud, it really leaves a bad taste in my mouth to have been so discounted. I gave up on authorities when my last attorney in 2005 told me there was no chance of changing custody, despite things he wasn't doing, things he was that he shouldn't and my own improvement/ability to earn living, etc. I suppose I am lucky to at least have all the documentation and records I do.

So for now, I am trying to get things corrected through the divorce settlement; if not, that may be the way I will have to try to handle it. I am also trying to get charges that should have been made taken care of before the statute of limitations runs out this weekend, of an incident that he threatened my life, in front of our then minor daughter. I have had to spend so much time, money and etc just finding out "what is" that I consider advocacy and "victims rights" still to be pretty much a bad joke. If the crime is flagrant and lethal, it will receive attention. If it merely destroys your peace of mind and life, not necessarily.

I have been looking up case (common) law a lot lately; so hard to make sense of the wording at times, but I will make a note of that and see if I can learn more. I also have an intake appointment scheduled with legal aid for next month if my attorney flakes and will have to go the pro se route if so, but I don't deserve to have been treated the way I was, and I darn well don't deserve to be bankrupted after having been apparently only a "glorified housemaid" for years at my own expense. Employees get treated better than this, and don't have to tolerate being screamed at, insulted or threatened! Plus, the state doesn't charge them for an unemployment hearing for unjust termination, either! Thank you for the info!

Dadda,

I like to read your posts. You say what you feel. I like that!

Wow! I just got done with an e-mail to attorney, telling her this:

I understand that I cannot force you to file a motion on my behalf; therefore that still leaves me unclear as to what happens with daughter's bills, etc in the event I proceed pro se. I am also aware that it will probably be extremely difficult for me to know what to file and how to do so to advantage by Thursday. Therefore, if you are withdrawing, I would appreciate any referrals to resources you can provide. I can only assume as well that I may be opening myself up to further hostile action by NARC, since he too could seek to clarify things to his benefit (or just refuse to take care of his responsibilities, which seems to work admirably).

I am merely enclosing a transcript of a conversation I had with NARC during August, 2003 in which he brought up his Aetna repayment. AS well as the transcript from when I finally got hold of him in Washginton. Different case, same thing. Being put off. Lied to or at least, the truth being kept from me. Losing my rights and having to spend $1000s of dollars merely to do what I am supposed to be able to do. And not even a slap on the hand.

Although I am thinking you don't agree with me, I would just like to point something out. I may not get justice or even what I should get, by virtue of the facts of the case, especially taken in entirety. But in 1998, NARC was able to get me misdiagnosed. I knew he was wrong, I knew the doctors were wrong. I stuck with what I knew, got more information and as a result, got a lot better. (And proved the experts wrong) Plus, NARC has been unable to topple me with his mind games this time around, although, yes, I have been shaken. I know you represent many people and probably come across a lot of different types in your work with the Court. I don't have my assertiveness down pat; I tend to "piss people off" without meaning to, mostly because the stakes (for me) are high if I lose. So God willing, things will get better and I will put this episode behind me. But it will leave an extremely bitter taste in my mouth, having learned that I am and have been greatly wronged and knowing that you must be aware of that much, at least. I'm pretty sure my children will have some hard knocks as a consequence, too, and undeserved - as adults don't have to be adults and in fact, it pays better to be a criminal or irresponsible, from what I have seen. So I will merely say that I am being wronged, although I may not have the terrminology to correctly communicate that to the Court.
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I feel that I "piss people off" more than anything, by results. So I am glad to hear a positive!!