That should read 'tells me I'm not sexy, not attractive'

If you stay..the things he says about/to you..will only get worse..and by then, you might feel that youre in too deep..to get back out easily..

The word that comes to mind..is NEXT!!!!

I find it so hard not to become a total man hater!!! F'ing amazes me what can come of some of their mouths.

I appreciate the reality it that it's not all men, but sad to say, based on my experience, it IS all men!!! Stats don't lie - lol :)

And of course some women are like this too, though definitely less so.

X

It is hard. But I know of women who have fabulous thoughtful caring and productive men as husbands and partners.

Don't give up hope! :)

Sounds like the door he's knocking on is: I want to control for food, your exercise, what you wear, the sex... and the list goes on.... All he has to do is push a red-button attached to fear or shame from something sub-conscious to trigger a response from you. Kudos that you have a healthy body image and saw through his subterfuge. He's now over-played his hand and got caught. It probably has worked in the past for him.

And he comes back at 6:30 am to make up? He's playing games.

Kick him to the curb. And then blow him a kiss good-bye.

It would be wise to kick him to the curb so hard and so fast that he landed in it upside down and curled in a fetal position.

A man who truly loves you is going to love you for what you are, not some personal ideal of what he wants to try and turn you into. These are the ones that crack me up whether they are a man or a woman. They will tell you they want to be with you, that they like and care about you but here is this big laundry list of things which YOU have to change to really be who they want. If a person makes the mistake of thinking that this is acceptable in a relationship, it isn't going to matter how much you change or what you try and do to make them happy, it won't be enough, they will always be critical of you, and that criticism will grow in severity, harshness and frequency over time. He may not be an NPD, but he is definitely a control freak and it's best to cut him loose now.

Just my own opinion, but speaking as a man, there seem to be two distinct types of men. Men who overtly focus on the external package, and those who are much less worried about the exterior and are much more interested in finding a partner that is good on the inside. The ones that are externally focused are the ones that always seem to fixate over the woman's looks because it's all they care about. And since these types usually have their own personal, well-defined sense of what they want that "look" to be, the woman that makes the mistake of hooking up with him is going to have to rigidly maintain that look or suffer. And that look is usually the skinny Barbie Doll that looks like a fashion model. For myself, I have always preferred a woman that was more substantial than what the media continually tells us is attractive. I guess I could use the term "rubenesque." The outer package is much less important to me that what they are like inside. No matter what the outer package is like, if you get a woman with a severe personality disorder who also looks great, that doesn't solve the disorder problem. So the externally-focused ones get what they pay for, on either side of the gender aisle. Both people are stuck in a painful cycle that they never seem to figure out, and you can't get them to understand what the problem is.

When confined solely to the appearance department, it doesn't matter what you look like, someone else out there is going to find you attractive. And if they really find you attractive initially, they will not change their opinion 2 months later and suddenly you are fat and unattractive to them. Problem on his end. I can't figure out what guys of his type are looking for.

Hi Princess Leia, he sounds like a complete d***head and I think you should get out of that relationship asap!

I agree with crystal that I think many men believe women (even women with perfect figure, slim) will have deep anxiety and body issues about their weight and looks. If they play on this enough you will be more dependent on them, they can control things.

Let him go whilst the relationship is at an early stage, this is a glaring red flag, this is hot-cold behaviour and not boding well for the future. There are better men out there, no man is perfect but a controlling man is the worst man ever. I'm sure you already know this, I understand your shock though. I'd be having wtf moments too, this is crazy behaviour from him. Cut the cord with him now, move on and be single and be happy for a while.

So you triggered another memory for me. When I was dating my now ex husband, of course he told me I was all that. Within a year, I had to pull my dress down, put a pin on my blouse so there were no breasts showing, and oh yeah, work out at the gym. We married.....and on my honeymoon he told me I had to do something about my weight. Here is the kicker....we divorced 13 years later and I had to see him two months later. I was exactly two pounds more than on my wedding day and he says "are you losing weight..you are so thin..too thin, don,t lose anymore, it doesn't look good. You have no butt". Same weight, different time...one year I was too fat.. Then I was too thin.

All they want is to put you down. I would give anything to turn back the clock to that first year we were dating... I would have left him then. So many red flags then that played over and over again throughout our years together. Knowing what we have come to know through this forum, don't repeat that scenario again. Time to cut your losses now.

Yes, it's all about control. Agree with the others - he's awful now and will only get worse. Btw, I just have to say, he must have thought he was so big and magnanimous coming back and saying actually he 'thought you could work'. What a fantastic offer :/

Memory lane for me as well. One of mine made huge fun of me for being a 'granny' when I wore modest clothes. But whenever I got something that showed even the merest hint of, well... anything, it would be a straight, "Don't wear that at work," or "I hope you didn't go out with that on." Ludicrous.

Hi PL,
Like everyone hear I hope you showed him the door and I hope it hit him in the ass! The thing he doesn't like about you will change over time??? He's testing you to see if he can change your behavior in anyway because once that door is open then it's game on for him. Classic love bomb, meeting the family after such a short period of time, spending holidays together...then BAM! Thank goodness he couldn't keep the mask on for more than a few months but as we all know even a few months is enough to reek havoc, especially if you've been down the N road before. Drop him like a hot rock!

Body image can be an issue with men and women alike. I would never dream of telling someone they are not sexy or attractive or that they would be if only they lost weight or gained weight or whatever. If you are not attracted to someone, fine, don't date them. Keep your f'ing opinions to yourself.

Much of this stuff is done to destabilise you and put you off balance, to second guess yourself and stop trusting in your judgement. It starts with something small like an aspect of your appearance then if they get away with it they try other things. If they can get you to believe white is black they've won, they pull you into their batshit crazy world.