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Sorry it is too long but I don’t know how to make it short. I should post this last week but I wanted to wait and see if it is me who see N in every man or if he is a N. Here is the story. I just turn 53 and want do date again because I do not want to end up alone until I die. Then I met this guy online. We decided to meet for coffee. It went very well. When I went home I txed him to say that I had a good time (maybe I should not do). He immediately text back and said that he had a good time. I waited and after 3 days he texted me. It started as normal but it was too much txt every second both ways. Then the normal turned into sexting, I never received sext msg before , then I text him and ask if this is what they call sexting. He did not stop and he sent me a pic of his P#^%s . this the fist time I received such picture from someone. I was not sure what to say but I thought maybe it is normal but he does not know me! How N is that! Thinking that his P^%$s will impress me! Anyway. He asked me for a pic and I told him that I do not do such pictures exchange. He stopped and apologized.
The txt continued the following days and one day I txt him and he did not get back to me until after 24 hours. When he txt back he did not even refer to my txt, he did not say sorry I did not see you msg or what , it was like it is him who start a conversation and not me. When I saw the message , saying only good evening, I went to bed to see if he noticed that I did not reply. He noticed because when I responded the very next day, he asked me if I was ok. But again I did not say anything after all it is was a date and no other commitment. Then the txt continued not sexting anymore but things like, I miss you, I want to see you again, and all kind of sweet names.
Then the weekend of Easter, I txt him to see how he is doing and he sent me a pic of him and his kids. I was happy that he sent a good picture of his family. We continue txt in normal way. But this is a guy I met on march 23 and until today he send txt msg and does not call me!. ( some people think that it is normal to txt only and not calling bse it is their preference) Yesterday he txt telling me that he felt lonely. Today he txt asking if he can come to my home tomorrow and watch movie with me!! Please let me know what you think. I want all the guys who read this please interpret me this type of behavior. Here is what I wrote back “ I will be happy to have you at my place someday, however I think we should meet again for another coffee before to start watching movies, U don’t even know my name. what do you think about this?” he did not respond and I waited for 10 min and added this “ Please be free to tell me your thoughts. I valued honesty so I will not be offended if you are not interested in relationship and want only sex! You see I want to be honest” click and I sent!!!! It was 7: 56 PM not it is 9 : 33 PM and I know he does not want to respond. This is immature .I am 8 years his senior and am wondering why always I attracted N man and younger then me!! Please responded, the problem is me or he is N?
As I finished to type he just responded and said that he respected my thoughts!! No sure what to do or to think!
thank you for your advice!!
The txt continued the following days and one day I txt him and he did not get back to me until after 24 hours. When he txt back he did not even refer to my txt, he did not say sorry I did not see you msg or what , it was like it is him who start a conversation and not me. When I saw the message , saying only good evening, I went to bed to see if he noticed that I did not reply. He noticed because when I responded the very next day, he asked me if I was ok. But again I did not say anything after all it is was a date and no other commitment. Then the txt continued not sexting anymore but things like, I miss you, I want to see you again, and all kind of sweet names.
Then the weekend of Easter, I txt him to see how he is doing and he sent me a pic of him and his kids. I was happy that he sent a good picture of his family. We continue txt in normal way. But this is a guy I met on march 23 and until today he send txt msg and does not call me!. ( some people think that it is normal to txt only and not calling bse it is their preference) Yesterday he txt telling me that he felt lonely. Today he txt asking if he can come to my home tomorrow and watch movie with me!! Please let me know what you think. I want all the guys who read this please interpret me this type of behavior. Here is what I wrote back “ I will be happy to have you at my place someday, however I think we should meet again for another coffee before to start watching movies, U don’t even know my name. what do you think about this?” he did not respond and I waited for 10 min and added this “ Please be free to tell me your thoughts. I valued honesty so I will not be offended if you are not interested in relationship and want only sex! You see I want to be honest” click and I sent!!!! It was 7: 56 PM not it is 9 : 33 PM and I know he does not want to respond. This is immature .I am 8 years his senior and am wondering why always I attracted N man and younger then me!! Please responded, the problem is me or he is N?
As I finished to type he just responded and said that he respected my thoughts!! No sure what to do or to think!
thank you for your advice!!
But this may just be me, still scarred from the marriage to an n. I want to be treated with respect. After coffee certainly not respectful.
You need to be super careful about who you meet on a dating site. Whether he's an N or not you don't want someone like this in your life.
But goodness, we don't want to settle either. Especially after going through hell and back. Be thankful you are feeling ready to date, and pat yourself on the back for questioning this inappropriate behavior. If he isn't an N, he sure is an immature no class act. You can do way better !!
Seriously, and man who wants to talk sex or send intimate photographs to a woman he hasn't even spoken to..is extremely disrespectful...Good guys show manners and respect....as sunnygal says...hes a no class act..
As for wanting to go straight to your home (to watch a movie yeh right) without even asking you out for a meal or coffee, wants sex with you first time like you are a hooker, except he doesn't have to part with any money. Many guys online will try to get sex from a woman without paying a hooker...I have said to some, go pay for it thanks..but no thanks..They especially hit on women my age because they imagine that older women are afraid of being on their own and that they are needy vulnerable and for the taking..
Please don't ever let any guy off the internet have any clue as to where you live..ever until you would know them very well and after they had dated you with the utmost respect and decency for some length of time. I saw my ex on a dating site, claiming to be a pussycat super hard working kind man when he is actually a lazy asshole who I would consider to be a serious danger to womens safety if not their sanity.
None of us like the thought of ending up on our own..I know that I can feel quite lonely at times and I would love to have a really nice guy to share the good thing in life with.
But I would rather be alone forever unless the guy was worth being with, and unless he was going to treat me with the utmost dignity and respect.
He claims that he respected your thoughts!! 100% not...sending you intimate photographs and talking to you like you are a sex object..is very very far from respecting you.
I would run a mile from this chancer....and keep testing the waters, there are genuinely nice guys who are free and single and looking for love...but they will never sex text you or send you photographs like that or offer to go straight to your home to join you on your couch. Those things are very serious red flags and dealbreaker behaviours..
Much better luck next time I would say....and you are worth SO much better than that yuk guy....
I've encountered men like this... way in the past who sent stuff like that.... it's all sex. I got rid of it and quick. This man is showing his "hand" and quick. Be thankful and move on before you vest any feelings for him.
I'm sorry he's put you through this xx
Vonnie
Yes , he wanted to come to my house in the middle of night!! When people do not see him probably. Coming in the dark and leaving in the dark, that is was he wanted to do. And when I told him that I don’t feel comfortable for him to come to my house, he replied that he understand, we can meet again for coffee. However I asked him if he still wanted to meet for coffee and not movie, he responded that we can wait until Saturday.
This is someone who wanted to come today!!
Kassandra,
Thank you for you point. No, I just met him, we did not even discuss relationship or commitment. I met him only once. Yes I believe he has a long list of women who send him their V%%$. I am sure I am not the first woman he met.
Any way, this morning I met decision after reading you responses, thanks to each of you!. He text good morning. I txt back and told him the true and told him that I want to move on. I wished him bye and good luck. I know you told me to block him but I am in a small village I did not want to make him mad. I hope he will continue with other women. The reason is that I know he has close connection with law enforcement here and do not want to irritate him. He was not happy when I said bye, he responded that he is a good man bla blabla…
Yes I know I am lonely but I can survive so far. Sometimes I wish you were in the same town so that we could meet once in while to talk. I am like Kassandra. I work hard and does not have time to think about me. I have this kind of pain that is triggered by work stress, I need someone to listen sometimes when I come home. Maybe one day I will find a good guy. Thank for your support
I also agree that the way you backed out was good..its very wise to stay safe..especially when in a small town...great thinking...
I also wish that I was in your town to be able to meet up with you too...I've often thought that...That wouldn't it be so brilliant if all here lived near each other..it would make for such a supportive daily caring life..:)
Its very hard living alone I do understand....But much much worse... is living with someone who treats you like dirt...
Keep the faith...better times will surely come your way....xx
I was really struck, too on how "powerful" our feelings of social pressure CAN be ... persuading us to out up with or even participate in things we wouldn't feel a need, much less a "desire" to, otherwise. The stuff I "don't do", even when I could ... mostly little stuff, like I probably would never have an I phone and my mp3 player doesn't even have a color screen for videos ... just little stuff, but it sort of blows my mind how fast people change their way of life, based on "advertising" and then, seeing all their friends, people out there doing whatever. Personally, I miss a lot of old-fashioned stuff, like getting and sending cards and letters ... and I remember a ways back, when going to Wal-mart, they would try to have their machine "do all the work" of writing out my check ... but I wouldn't, because I like to keep my brain thinking.
So basically, I hope that you will remain "true to what you know" or at least, strongly question things that make you uncomfortable. Even while I admit, I think it might be sad to "end up alone", I can think of worse fates and think I have already "been there, done that" and have to think it isn't the worst thing that can happen. Just being cautious ... a lot of psych and even job eval tests I've taken have shown me that I have a strong streak of naivete ... I can sometimes "think with (some of) the best" when it comes to devious, but it doesn't come "naturally" to me, and I hate that I have to think that way at all. I'm trying to realize that if I can develop a realistic perspective, then I will not be too gullible nor too suspicious ... both of which are very unpleasant.
So I would also say, look at this whole episode as a learning experience ... there is nothing that says that you CAN'T meet a man, on-line or otherwise, that isn't a decent and caring person, just that you still have a need to keep learning and developing strategies to identify and stop when the (new) red flags pop up, and hopefully before they are waving full force in front of you. But don't let any of that make you feel bad ... it is sometimes frustrating and even nerve-wracking, but most if not all of us are WAY AHEAD of where we started out ... and I read in more than one place that approximately 65% of people, throughout their entire lives, will base their thoughts and BEHAVIOR on being approved, socially speaking ... even to the point of sending people to death or prison (like the experiments Zimbardo and Milgram ran, decades ago). Sometimes, it IS lonely to be "different" but there is nothing to say that it is "better" (feeling) to be like everyone else.
Dadda, I missed sending letters via post, I grow up in a country where telephones were at the office only. The only mean of communication was letters by post or by hand. I had post cards, greeting cards and many pictures of friends. Now, no one send me pictures, I have to find them online, or facebook. Our TV were books, and we were informed about everything from reading only. God I missed that simple life! Thank you for bringing up those memories!! Thank you
Thank you