Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I'm finding this concept really helpful right now in dealing with the post N trauma - hand all their stuff right back to them.
It's a therapy idea, and while we can't undo what the N has done, we can't erase ever having met them, we can in our minds just hand back all their ****.
This goes for any N in your life.
I imagine myself saying to them - all this, this isn't mine - have it all back.
My latest experience happened back in March. I struggled with no contact a lot. I managed it at first, then broke it, then held it again. The craziness of wanting some normality back, for some explanation, for something anything, instead of the nothing, the silence.
Last night - after a really good night out with friends, where I hadn't laughed so much in ages - I sent an email to the N doing just that - geting stuff of my mind - and handing it all back.
I guess I broke no contact again - I'd prefer not to see it like that. I really wanted him to have all the rubbish I was carrying from HIS behaviour ...
He's a drug taking narc that I should never had had a relationship with, he asked me to marry him five times, I said yes, then he ended the relationship by saying he was just seeing me for sex, and walked out, leaving me a weeping mess on the floor.
It has taken therapy, and really good friends to pull me out of the hole.
Hopefully that is the end of it for me. So painful has it been that I could never let him in my life again anyway.
Now back into No Contact.
sending love to all of you - and praying for strength xxx
It's a therapy idea, and while we can't undo what the N has done, we can't erase ever having met them, we can in our minds just hand back all their ****.
This goes for any N in your life.
I imagine myself saying to them - all this, this isn't mine - have it all back.
My latest experience happened back in March. I struggled with no contact a lot. I managed it at first, then broke it, then held it again. The craziness of wanting some normality back, for some explanation, for something anything, instead of the nothing, the silence.
Last night - after a really good night out with friends, where I hadn't laughed so much in ages - I sent an email to the N doing just that - geting stuff of my mind - and handing it all back.
I guess I broke no contact again - I'd prefer not to see it like that. I really wanted him to have all the rubbish I was carrying from HIS behaviour ...
He's a drug taking narc that I should never had had a relationship with, he asked me to marry him five times, I said yes, then he ended the relationship by saying he was just seeing me for sex, and walked out, leaving me a weeping mess on the floor.
It has taken therapy, and really good friends to pull me out of the hole.
Hopefully that is the end of it for me. So painful has it been that I could never let him in my life again anyway.
Now back into No Contact.
sending love to all of you - and praying for strength xxx
This is a hard fact to swallow. You want so much for them to understand the damage that they caused to another person. Truth is, they don't care. Their feelings don't run that deep. If you thought for a second that he read this, and actually thought about himself, and that he really isn't a nice person, and played someone that once meant something to him, dirty....think again. From my own experience, they get your meaningful words and twist them around, and all that you meant for him to see, was NOT taken. It is the most frustrating experience dealing with people like this.
As much as I too, have tried a year ago to convey the pain and hurt to him, he never got it even for a second, and was quick to come up with a defense and an excuse and it was all turned around on me. I hurt him, because I was a people person, and did have two married daughters and grandchildren in my life, siblings, friends all 47 years before I ever met him, and he didn't like it. He wanted it to be just him and me, in our home, having sex, me catering to him and him only. With all the horror that he did to me, it was never acknowledge by him, and this was his answer. This was the crime that I did. This is the best he could come up with.
It is really heartbreaking and I could imagine as you were writing this email how you poured it all out. The bottom line is, "We are all having a hard time "Letting Go" of this experience. We were battered so much emotionally, and even though they are gone, they still are in control somewhat. Which was my question a couple of days ago. How do we change that? I struggle with it.
My power is having No Contact, to pretend that he doesn't exist. It never happened. It's been 7 months for me. And everyday I don't break it, I feel alittle more powerful and in control. I believe that if I do this long enough, someday It will be true. Someday he is going to be gone from my memory. I am going through a hard time getting over this relationship/marriage. But he doesn't know it. That makes me feel better. he hasn't heard a word from me, has no idea what I am doing, or feeling and thank God. It would kill me to know that he knew he took up a second of my time.
Your power will again be "No Contact" too. I know today is Day One again for you, and those beginning days are hard, but promise yourself and to your higher power that this is it. Done, finished, over. You did what you had to do, you got it all out, whether it made him feel something or not, is not the bottom line, believe that it was what you had to do, to make you feel that you had your say. But no more. There is probably nothing left to say anyway. It's been said.
Someday, we are all going to be completely healed. Someday, we are going to come out the other side, whole again. The process of getting there is hard, but I think a forum like this is very helpful to our recovery. Let us all use this, and each other to that end, and let us never let them know how hard it was to forget them. Good luck to you, me and all the other women here. We have a long journey ahead.
If you feel it helped you then this is good, he will never be able to understand normal human emotions he is too disordered. Xxxx