Hi, everybody! I stumbled into this site earlier and think it has some useful information, plus there are some programs (audio and interactive books) they sell that might or might not be of interest. I looked through many of the pages and thought that the information is not only reassuring, but well presented, easy to understand and addresses all sorts of losses: death, loss through separation/divorce, suicide, pet bereavement. It also has information and tips for helping your children, if you have any.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/

A couple excerpts:

"Grief loss...
Mental health care professionals agree that one of the most helpful ways to work through mourning is to express your grief, and not hold it in. And your most effective and creative expressions of grief may differ from the next persons.
We present in our website a variety of creative mourning techniques; talking, writing, creating art, music or poetry, or memorializing are all good ways to express your bereavement. Explore our site to find the expressive techniques that feel "just right" for you."

"Dealing with sorrow...

We've constructed a truly helpful and practical grief survival coping guide for you here. These ideas and strategies came from other survivors of grief, just like you. They work! Read all about it here:

PHYSICAL CARE- Take care of that body. Read about rest & sleep, diet & exercise, and alcohol & drugs. Things you might not have thought about...

EMOTIONAL STRATEGIES- Keeping it together, about crying, and creative expressions of grief...

SPIRITUAL COMFORT- Dealing with the spiritual crises of bereavement

PERSONAL PRIORITIES- Treating yourself gently, finding comfort, postponing decisions

SOCIAL SUPPORT- Family & friends, activities, saving your marriage, and about the holidays...

Later in bereavement, you might be feeling overwhelmed by stress and anxiety from coping with it so long. Let us help you keep your stress and anxiety levels more comfortable. How? Learn specific strategies and tools in our new (and free) STRESS MANAGEMENT E-COURSE. "

"Your grieving heart...
This is probably the most important section in our entire website. If you visit no other page, we suggest that you try to read this one in it's entirety. It will help you understand grief and the best ways to cope with it's stresses. It may make you sad. It's long, and pretty heavy duty. But you need to know the worst. And the best. Brighter days lie ahead. Keep going.

Included below in "Your Pain" is:

SURRENDERING TO GRIEF

AM I GOING CRAZY? (Signs and symptoms of grief & warning signs)

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? (Types of death and grief)

GRIEF COPING STRATEGIES

THE END OF GRIEVING (Things to look forward to)"

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Personally, I like that they mention the stress that comes from "coping" for a long time ... 'cause I have definitely been feeling that (and it does sometimes make me, at least, feel as if I'm spiralling downhill. KNOWING that this is pretty normal and being able to remind myself of that FACT really helps, even if I don't necessarily "feel better". Like when you have one of those horrible colds where your head is all stuffed and your nose leaks continuously ... and you know the "only way out is through".

Also they suggest not trying to "manage" or relieve your "stress" the first 3-4 months; instead, to feel the emotions and not try to block them out (with drugs, alcohol, etc. or even medical drugs purely for "grief", although it's also pointed out that depression, panic attacks, etc might be treated as that can help with the grieving process.

There's a good section here: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/effects-of-bereavement.html

and I will put the synopsis and expand on the "weird" and "warning" areas for quick reference:

There are many effects of bereavement that can strike while you are coping with grief. Many are very unnatural and scary, and can even be bizarre. But almost all of them are perfectly normal! No, you're not losing your mind... just going through a normal and healthy grieving process.


Below, we present the following effects of bereavement:


"I'm exhausted!"-- the physical signs and symptoms of grief

"Are you sure I'm not going crazy?"-- emotional and mental symptoms

"Where are all my friends?" -- social changes

"So where was God during all of this?" -- spiritual challenges

"Is this bizarre, or what?" -- unusual experiences

"Do I need help?" -- warning signs that professional help is needed
***************

IS THIS BIZARRE, OR WHAT?
WEIRD AND UNUSUAL GRIEF EXPERIENCES

Effects of bereavement ...

You've gone through the "numb" stage. You're all done with "denial". You've accepted the reality of your loss, and the finality of it all.

And yet, one evening you're in the kitchen making dinner, and you turn around, fully expecting "him" to come walking through the front door. I mean, a very real sensation! Weird, and normal (if you're grieving).

Below are some rather unusual or bizarre things you may experience that are all perfectly normal and very common occurrences during the grief process. Don't let them frighten you!

Effects of bereavement ...

Thinking you see, hear, smell or feel them. (No, you're not crazy. It's just harmless memories).

Can't remember anything bad (or good) about them (You will be left with a more realistic memory of them later on).

Can't remember what they looked or sounded like (again, the grieving mind playing tricks on you).

Being afraid you'll forget them. (You won't).

Preoccupied or "obsessed" with thoughts of the loved one.

Carrying or treasuring belongings or objects representing him or her (And why not?)

Vivid dreams of the loved one (disturbing but normal).

Develop his or her mannerisms or behaviors ( an attempt by the mind to "hold on" to them).


DO I NEED HELP?
SERIOUS WARNING SIGNS

Effects of bereavement ...

As we stated before, the strange and intense emotions and symptoms you experience after a loss may cause you to question your sanity. We have provided above an extensive list of normal symptoms and behaviors to try to set your mind at ease. The vast majority of bereaved individuals, although they must go through an exhausting and painful process, emerge with their sanity and emotional health intact.

But in some rare cases, and especially so with complicated mourning, outside help may be needed.

How do you know when to get help?

One authority describes it this way: As long as your grief is moving, changing and "fluid", it is okay. As long as your emotions are constantly changing, and you're exhausted at the end of the day, you're on track.

It's only when grief stagnates, traps you in an unchanging phase or cycle, that grief has gone wrong. You will probably need a therapist for chronic grief that is excessive and prevents you from functioning, and fails to resolve. You will feel "unfinished", and know that you need help to complete your grief.

Exaggerated grief is when the grief response is excessive, disabling, crippling; when psychotic, antisocial or suicidal behavior has surfaced. Find a psychotherapist who specializes in grief to help you. They fully understand the effects of bereavement.


SOME SPECIFIC WARNING SIGNS THAT INDICATE A NEED FOR HELP:

Effects of bereavement ...

1. SUICIDAL IDEATION-- You may feel sometimes feel like you don't want to go on, or "wish you were dead". It is perfectly normal in a serious grief to have fleeting thoughts of killing yourself. The key here is that these thoughts are brief in duration and they go away. It's only if you start being obsessed with such thoughts and formulate real plans of how you would carry it out that you need to seek immediate professional help. Tell someone and get help!

2. HIGH ANXIETY-- Intense grief can bring on some really disturbing sensations, as described above. We assure you, they are normal and common. But if you just feel too scared or stressed out by what you are feeling, or are having serious anxiety/panic attacks, go on and see a counselor. Just a few visits with a mental health professional might be just the ticket to calm you down and get you back on track.

A word of caution here: don't fall into the trap of using anti-anxiety medication (or excessive alcohol) to get you through your grief. It won't work. No short cuts, remember? Anti-anxiety meds are among the most highly addictive medicines out there. You don't need that!

3. DEPRESSION -- Many normal grief behaviors may mimic or look like clinical depression. And grief may lead to or aggravate a pre-existing depression. There is a fundamental difference, though, between grief and depression.

Grief: is not a disease or mental disorder. It is a normal emotional response to a significant loss. Sadness is expected. There is no clinical treatment. It must run its course.

Depression: is a clinical disorder, a physiological chemical imbalance in the brain. It is often treated with medication, and sometimes psychotherapy is needed.

How to tell the difference between normal grief and clinical depression:

With grief, there is no major or long-term loss of self esteem; grief feels like a normal, expected response.

With depression, there is a prolonged negative sense of self.

Or as Freud put it: "In grief, the world looks poor and empty. In depression, the person feels poor and empty".

The important message here: Don't treat uncomplicated grief with anti-depressant medication. But if your physician diagnoses an underlying true depression or anxiety disorder, medication may be indicated.


WHERE TO GET HELP:

Effects of bereavement ...

There are basically 3 types of outside help available if you ultimately need help with your grieving process:

1. Online support groups and forums (might be all the extra support you need)
2. Local support groups-- especially useful for those who have lost a child, or with grief from suicide
3. Psychotherapy -- a must for grief that won't resolve or serious suicidal intent

*For more information and a list of resources available, click here:

EFFECTS OF BEREAVEMENT -- OUTSIDE RESOURCES