Never went thorough this personally, but many others here have and I am sure they will be weighing in.

Only advice that I can give is STAY SAFE.

Far too many men get violent, even more violent, even DEADLY violent when the woman seeks police or court assistance in stopping the man's angry or violent outbursts.

You may be more vulnerable now that you have every been. Be careful. Even though the courts and the police are trying to help you and trying to keep you safe, you have to be extremely alert and keep your eyes, ears, and instincts honed.

Vent here. You are not alone. Hugs.

I had a TRO against my then N husband. The scariest part was having to stand right next to the nut and telling a judge about his behavior.

I was lucky because my N husband is a lawyer so he wasn't about to do anything that would jeopordize his law license. I would make sure that you be aware of your surroundings. Keep doors locked and keep a journal.

suedoomac, Yes, I'm so nervous of the court proceedings because he is such a pathological liar! Because of this there is really no way for me to determine what fantastic story he'll bring to court. I'm sure he will try and twist the whole thing, and although I have many witnesses, evidence, however, he will fight tooth and nail to try and avoid the reality of his situation, the thought of looking bad is such a nightmare for him.
I am going to be more vigilant, and my friends have now been very firm with me in this respect. They have told me that it has been offensive for them that I've allowed this person to turn my life upside down, while often ignoring their love and support, and I agree. They also reminded me that because of his instability, they are at risk too because of their association with me, that I have not only invited him into my life, but also into there life.
I have received the report that I made for the police, and the terms and conditions of the orders that will be served on him, a court date, but nothing of his statement. For anyone who has been through this situation, is it possible to view his statement before the court hearing.

I must. Remind you to stick to only the truth. The reason I say this is that my XN lied in court. It came back to haunt him when the TRO was extended. You need to remember that judges have seen everything; they are not stupid when it comes to psychopaths especially in the criminal court.

Make a list of points that you need to make. Be as concise as you can. Do not embellish. Try to be just emotional enough. Don't be cold and calculating but try not to be a blubbering idiot either. Find your inner strength and stay on point.

Make that list, it will help.

Thank you so much, yes I want it to be simple. My wants are very simple and straight forward. I want him to leave me alone, and I do not want to go into any of the 'mazes' that he has so often led me through in the past. It should be simple, you don't get to hit people and damage property, no matter what your 'special' circumstances are.
I have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday, so I guess we should concentrate on this, because I definitely need some inner strength right now. It's about time I get this mess sorted out.
Thanks again.

Samesame, I have had to get two protective orders. One was against a guy who used to shop in my store, we ended up having a couple of lunches and dinners; talking and writing back and forth'. But he started following me home, would buzz my doorbell for 20 minutes and all manner of stuff ... police told him to knock it off, he wouldn't. This was in the "old days" and it was hard(er) to get them, especially if relationship of any kind. Although he brought in one of the "friendly" cards I had written before he got weird and I was so shaken I couldn't find the angry letter he'd written (I had my "butt stuck up in the air"), I got my order (though they tried to have us "mediate" first. LOL I just try to imagine!!). He did break it quite a few times; never violent it was just very spooky. I moved and didn't forward mail or anything and he disappeared after that.

2nd was husband.

BEST piece of advice I have for anyone facing or maybe facing this issue: if it is legal in your state (start checking at canwetape.com) and you still have contact, use a phone, or any device that you can surreptitiously tape your interactions. It is legal if you live in a "one party" state, from what I understand (and you are party to the conversation). If you are not in a one party state, check with the DV organization, the police, an attorney or a legal aid/clinic. There may be exceptions or a sympathetic person will give you some help. Because on the one with husband, he was saying "they'd find me in the river". I didn't even have to go to Court. He has charges and a hearing coming up in a few months on violating it. Since then, no problems from him whatsoever.

If you have any questions on taping or etc, you can ask here or PM.

Just go in and try to relax as much as possible. It sounds like you have everything you need, if there are witnesses.

Also, here is a link to some articles on Stockholm syndrome and it might even help your friends/family to read at least portions. Even if there are no "love" feelings involved, fear and perceptions of not being able to get help (which may be very accurate; I think I read one of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims almost escaped and was killed later because police totally misinterpreted the situation and believed the killer's lies.) may control or motivate our behavior. Sometimes people have a hard time understanding it from the outside, but again, the recent stories of kidnapped children who stayed with the criminals even for years, going out in public and never trying to get help or attracting attention. You are a far cry from there, so maybe they can help you over the hump understanding a bit more.

http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/stockholm/

http://voices.yahoo.com/understanding-stockholm-syndrome-cognitive-dissonance-7160008.html

I don't know much about the legal aspects, but if he is using alcohol or other substances and this is fueling the problem, it might be smart to check whether this should be an issue in Court; maybe they can order treatment? I would say that would be my biggest "worry", because people can be a lot less inhibited. There is an assessment to help you gauge risk at: https://www.mosaicmethod.com/?page=faq

I think the fact that the assessment mentions that dangerousness is "situational" is reassuring, because it implies that we can do something about it. The site is through Gavin de Becker, who wrote the Gift of Fear; there is also a good chapter as I remember on protective orders and such as well as a lot of good information you can use to protect and reassure yourself.

Q: Has MOSAIC been validated?
A: Yes, in many ways. One recent example is the study completed by the U.S. Department of Justice and Johns Hopkins University (Intimate Partner Violence Risk Assessment Validation Study). The comprehensive project found that DV-MOSAIC:

Tested highest on what the researchers called "sensitivity," correctly classifying most of the women that were indeed re-assaulted;
Performed best in predicting subsequent stalking or threats;
Had the strongest correlation between the victims' perception of risk of re-assault and risk of serious harm;
Captured relevant information equally well with victims of various ethnicities;
Had scores that were significantly associated with abuse, and;
Provided uniformity to assessment (called Inter-rater Reliability) such that ten different people of different abilities and styles will come up with the same preliminary rating.

To read more about the Department of Justice, click here: https://www.mosaicmethod.com/documents/DOJ_Study.pdf

Q: Will MOSAIC tell me if someone is "dangerous?"
A: MOSAIC never identifies anyone as "dangerous." Neither the word nor the concept appear within MOSAIC systems. This is because dangerousness is not a permanent state of being, or an attribute of a person; dangerousness is situational.

Q: Is MOSAIC admissible in court?
A: MOSAIC is not designed or intended to be used as evidence in court proceedings, however the information gained in response to MOSAIC questions might well be admissible in court.

I hope your Court goes smooth and easily. I think the waiting and anticipatory anxiety is almost always worse than the actual appearance.

Wow! thanks dadda11o, this is really comprehensive and helpful!