Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Dating abuse should be a thing. It's not talked about enough.
When you're single, as well as our own brainwashing that we 'should meet someone', all anyone seems to say is 'get out there' 'go online dating' 'why can't you meet anyone' the list is endless, the pressure nothing short of annoying, and mostly from smug couples who appear to have 'got it right'. (they haven't, no couple is perfect).
And all the while this pressure is going on, saps like me are getting hurt, abused, by people who I don't really know and put too much trust in (not helped by their 'friends' insisting 'they're a great guy who will never hurt you'. It turns out those friends never know the dating side of him, the truth that he is an emotional abuser.
I often think dating is a male invention to serve the needs of men, and make a fool out of us genuine women seeking an uplifting connection, that boosts our lives, not drags us down.
When a relationship ends, few (apart from dear friends, family and this site) have time to listen or understand. 'I don't know why you're so upset, at least it didn't last that long'. I'm upset because I've been lied to, conned, intimate with a horrible person. Horrified I was so stupid, hurting that someone treated me like that.
So be kind to those struggling with dating. It's hard. Cruel. And vulnerable. I'm taking massive time out from it because this chasing a relationship thing is ruining my life and threatening my emotional well being.
'get out there and meet someone'.
No fucking thanks.
PL xxx
When you're single, as well as our own brainwashing that we 'should meet someone', all anyone seems to say is 'get out there' 'go online dating' 'why can't you meet anyone' the list is endless, the pressure nothing short of annoying, and mostly from smug couples who appear to have 'got it right'. (they haven't, no couple is perfect).
And all the while this pressure is going on, saps like me are getting hurt, abused, by people who I don't really know and put too much trust in (not helped by their 'friends' insisting 'they're a great guy who will never hurt you'. It turns out those friends never know the dating side of him, the truth that he is an emotional abuser.
I often think dating is a male invention to serve the needs of men, and make a fool out of us genuine women seeking an uplifting connection, that boosts our lives, not drags us down.
When a relationship ends, few (apart from dear friends, family and this site) have time to listen or understand. 'I don't know why you're so upset, at least it didn't last that long'. I'm upset because I've been lied to, conned, intimate with a horrible person. Horrified I was so stupid, hurting that someone treated me like that.
So be kind to those struggling with dating. It's hard. Cruel. And vulnerable. I'm taking massive time out from it because this chasing a relationship thing is ruining my life and threatening my emotional well being.
'get out there and meet someone'.
No fucking thanks.
PL xxx
Take your time, screw convention and enjoy your life, remember that 90% of what you see with other couples is bullshit. Many of them are unhappy, many have been cheated on or treated badly ....but they're still together so it seems ok.
It's worth being selective, eventually the truth will out and the asshole gets worse so finding a decent guy no matter how long it takes is so important. Especially when raising a family, if there are children involved then they can be seriously damaged by narcissism. My ex is playing happy families with his new woman, still wearing his mask. I feel sick just thinking about it!
I like your advice on waiting. It's utter madness out there. Strangers forcing each other to like each other, and if they don't fit, NEXT !
Stomach churning.
You sound very clear and strong strength, good for you xxx
Either I don't like the guy or I immediately get the vibe that they are going to bum-rush me into a sexual situation. (There have been a few that never messaged me again also) I cut it off before the second date usually. One of the only second dates I went on ended up with the guy having his hands all over me in a movie theater! He seemed so SWEET on our first date - I was dumbfounded.
I began to fear I might never have sex again and started something casual with a somewhat questionable guy, but he's a guy I KNOW I'm not going to be serious about. This makes me feel more secure than the fakers out there for some reason. I'm beginning to feel guilty for taking up his time now! Is this Codependency rearing it's head, or what???
God you're brave. Whats wrong with them, are they watching too much pormn? Don't they want to get to know a lady first? They scare me, frankly.
As for seeing someone you're not too bothered about, I get that totally. It kind of means you'll be hurt less. And for me, in my last encounter, after several Ns, it sort of felt like I was observing.
And he was textbook N. so good job I want as pulled in as I have been before.
I sound down on men don't I? Which for a fellow co- dependent is actually great !!! But I do see there are some good men out there. But you'll only find them of you get rid of the grotty ones.
x
And there's nothing wrong with a pillow buddy as long as nothing more is expected. If your emotions are okay with the situation, go have some fun :)