Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I just wanted to say ... I can't remember what I am doing about half the time, but yes, the foreclosure is "final". In one or two senses, that is "good". I'm not stressing in regard to "how to handle it" or "how to try to handle it" and in a perverse way, it has given me more ammunition ...
I found myself laughing today, despite running out of gas ("my fault" LOL). I have been so tight on cash that I am having to calculate how far I can go on the few gallons I can put in the car for the moment ... so anyway ... a few months ago I was supposed to be in Court for a judgment hearing, since I haven't been able to pay all my bills since about July. That was the day the car stalled, the engine caught fire ... got some help, then it stalled again. I gave up on Court that day!!
So, Friday (today) I am AGAIN supposed to be in Court ... they got the judgment, now they want to garnish my wages ... as you may remember, I lost my job late December (the car was down nearly a month that time). It is about 15 miles to the Court and there is NO public transportation in the boonies ...
So I have basically no money til next week (don't worry, I don't enjoy this on one hand. but on the other ...) so I was getting cans ... so I can get gas money ... to attend my demanded appearance in Court. Hate to say it, but I view "law" pretty much as some people do religion ... except, that NO MATTER HOW WRONG THEY ARE, you MUST participate.
While I was out, one lady saw me and gave me several bags of cans. The first house I asked for help at after running out of gas (on my way to station and to cash in cans) couldn't help, but I went down to the horse stables and a man that owns the place had some gas and put a couple gallons in ... I was able to give him $5 and will give him more later (he didn't "want" it, but I wasn't looking for hand out, just some help). I was sad to see the cashier at the can place driving off just as I got there ... but I saw some cans where I had been stranded, so I went back there on my way home to get them. I heard a man at the first house I'd stopped at yelling something at me but couldn't make it out. Figured he wanted to know if I still needed help. Nope ... he gave me two BIG bags of cans! That was wonderful, because I have been bone tired and it takes forever to get enough cans, a lot of the time, to make the cash in worthwhile. Plus tonight I can smash some and they won't be taking over the whole car!
But the really nice part is that I wasn't quite so tired and sore ... got a chance to cook for a change and spend a bit of time with my daughters. I actually got the dishes done!
Anyway, faith rewarded ... because I KNOW I haven't done anything wrong ... and I KNOW ... they "don't know me from Adam" but geez ... I actually had to pay these people (the hospital) in past for locking me up because I was "suicidal" (per the N) under a judicial warrant, and I also had to pay for blood tests, psych visits there (Court ordered) for a condition I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE. It is also the hospital that TRIED to get my daughter's appendix after the first divorce ... I got there and told them, "she doesn't have appendicitis". The N and his mother had brought her in and it was very tense ... but I stood my ground, "me, the lunatic". I was right, hospital wrong.
So I see this as somewhat comical ... maybe they can get the money from my "imaginary" settlement ... the one that I paid thousands for. If THAT wasn't done by an attorney, it would be considered a SCAM. Attorney's first estimate was "my share = $50k, then it somehow went to $32k. She is ALSO suing me. if I didn't mention that before ... I didn't say much that time, only thought how interesting that she could sit there and expect to get $3,000 more right after I told her, "I don't have a settlement." She SO generously gave me until May to get a job ... WOW!!
Here's what the Indiana Constitution, Bill of Rights, says:
"Section 12. Openess of the courts, Speedy trial
Section 12. All courts shall be open; and every person, for injury done to him in his person, property, or reputation, shall have remedy by due course of law. Justice shall be administered freely, and without purchase; completely, and without denial; speedily, and without delay."
HOWEVER, there is something based in CASE LAW that apparently SUPERSEDES the Constitution (?? HOW is that possible?); I am still researching its origins ... a person filing pro se in the Courts is REQUIRED TO PERFORM AT THE SAME LEVEL AS AN ATTORNEY.
Something is wrong ... so very, very wrong in this nation, at least. I am starting to see some of the reasons the media and government agencies are blowing me off ... you CANNOT write something out on paper and call it "equitable settlement" then ALLOW that to be turned into a "sentence" of poverty, menial servitude merely to survive, destroyed credit and so on ... I mean certainly, if convicted criminals can't be sentenced to "cruel and unusual punishment" then it can't be done to people who've done nothing ... except go to the dog and pony show AS ORDERED because they had the misfortune of marrying a con artist!
Am glad God had mercy on me today, and even though the gas thing wasn't "fun" it turned out alright!
Oh, yeah, I got shocked by one of those electric farm fences the other day. I put my body in there (with wet feet to boot) and my can stick, because there were quite a few cans ... just tantalizingly out of reach. It might have been comical to watch; it sure wasn't to experience! But seriously, it made me cry because I realized that I have been busting butt so desperately and only to survive; I thought of the cruelty of those who have put me in this position and those who've ignored my pleas for help. INJUSTICE.
I found myself laughing today, despite running out of gas ("my fault" LOL). I have been so tight on cash that I am having to calculate how far I can go on the few gallons I can put in the car for the moment ... so anyway ... a few months ago I was supposed to be in Court for a judgment hearing, since I haven't been able to pay all my bills since about July. That was the day the car stalled, the engine caught fire ... got some help, then it stalled again. I gave up on Court that day!!
So, Friday (today) I am AGAIN supposed to be in Court ... they got the judgment, now they want to garnish my wages ... as you may remember, I lost my job late December (the car was down nearly a month that time). It is about 15 miles to the Court and there is NO public transportation in the boonies ...
So I have basically no money til next week (don't worry, I don't enjoy this on one hand. but on the other ...) so I was getting cans ... so I can get gas money ... to attend my demanded appearance in Court. Hate to say it, but I view "law" pretty much as some people do religion ... except, that NO MATTER HOW WRONG THEY ARE, you MUST participate.
While I was out, one lady saw me and gave me several bags of cans. The first house I asked for help at after running out of gas (on my way to station and to cash in cans) couldn't help, but I went down to the horse stables and a man that owns the place had some gas and put a couple gallons in ... I was able to give him $5 and will give him more later (he didn't "want" it, but I wasn't looking for hand out, just some help). I was sad to see the cashier at the can place driving off just as I got there ... but I saw some cans where I had been stranded, so I went back there on my way home to get them. I heard a man at the first house I'd stopped at yelling something at me but couldn't make it out. Figured he wanted to know if I still needed help. Nope ... he gave me two BIG bags of cans! That was wonderful, because I have been bone tired and it takes forever to get enough cans, a lot of the time, to make the cash in worthwhile. Plus tonight I can smash some and they won't be taking over the whole car!
But the really nice part is that I wasn't quite so tired and sore ... got a chance to cook for a change and spend a bit of time with my daughters. I actually got the dishes done!
Anyway, faith rewarded ... because I KNOW I haven't done anything wrong ... and I KNOW ... they "don't know me from Adam" but geez ... I actually had to pay these people (the hospital) in past for locking me up because I was "suicidal" (per the N) under a judicial warrant, and I also had to pay for blood tests, psych visits there (Court ordered) for a condition I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE. It is also the hospital that TRIED to get my daughter's appendix after the first divorce ... I got there and told them, "she doesn't have appendicitis". The N and his mother had brought her in and it was very tense ... but I stood my ground, "me, the lunatic". I was right, hospital wrong.
So I see this as somewhat comical ... maybe they can get the money from my "imaginary" settlement ... the one that I paid thousands for. If THAT wasn't done by an attorney, it would be considered a SCAM. Attorney's first estimate was "my share = $50k, then it somehow went to $32k. She is ALSO suing me. if I didn't mention that before ... I didn't say much that time, only thought how interesting that she could sit there and expect to get $3,000 more right after I told her, "I don't have a settlement." She SO generously gave me until May to get a job ... WOW!!
Here's what the Indiana Constitution, Bill of Rights, says:
"Section 12. Openess of the courts, Speedy trial
Section 12. All courts shall be open; and every person, for injury done to him in his person, property, or reputation, shall have remedy by due course of law. Justice shall be administered freely, and without purchase; completely, and without denial; speedily, and without delay."
HOWEVER, there is something based in CASE LAW that apparently SUPERSEDES the Constitution (?? HOW is that possible?); I am still researching its origins ... a person filing pro se in the Courts is REQUIRED TO PERFORM AT THE SAME LEVEL AS AN ATTORNEY.
Something is wrong ... so very, very wrong in this nation, at least. I am starting to see some of the reasons the media and government agencies are blowing me off ... you CANNOT write something out on paper and call it "equitable settlement" then ALLOW that to be turned into a "sentence" of poverty, menial servitude merely to survive, destroyed credit and so on ... I mean certainly, if convicted criminals can't be sentenced to "cruel and unusual punishment" then it can't be done to people who've done nothing ... except go to the dog and pony show AS ORDERED because they had the misfortune of marrying a con artist!
Am glad God had mercy on me today, and even though the gas thing wasn't "fun" it turned out alright!
Oh, yeah, I got shocked by one of those electric farm fences the other day. I put my body in there (with wet feet to boot) and my can stick, because there were quite a few cans ... just tantalizingly out of reach. It might have been comical to watch; it sure wasn't to experience! But seriously, it made me cry because I realized that I have been busting butt so desperately and only to survive; I thought of the cruelty of those who have put me in this position and those who've ignored my pleas for help. INJUSTICE.
I sent you a personal message and added comments on your other post. Hence, here I will only say that everyone here is concerned for you and hopes you find peace. You have fought the good fight. Hugs.
All I can say..is that the only way forward from rock bottom..is up...and if anyone can manage to hold on and mange insurmountable obstacles..its you..
Please keep on keeping on..against all the odds..because i feel sure that things will improve for you..at the end of this arduous road..
Its so so unfair..that someone as lovely and intelligent and resilient and resourceful as you are..has to struggle so much...
I have faith in you..and I hope that you keep having faith in you too..because without any doubt..I believe that better times are definitely ahead for you..once you keep that special spirit of yours as it is still..
I think that if you keep strong as you so brilliantly are...that good will come your way at the end of all you are experiencing right now..
Please keep on keeping on and holding on...you deserve all good..and there is 100% good there for you..just waiting for you...if you keep staying as strong and patient... as you have so admirably been doing..
Big hugs for you..I really really admire you..and I'm thinking of you..and wishing for all to improve for you xx
I am going to do what I was always hoping to. I want to go to Bodie Ghost Town in California, in the Sierra Nevada mountains. With my daughters and at least one brother :-).
I will also go to my father and care for him. And do something NICE for my step-moms. I'd like to help the current one, cause I know things have been sort of tough on them the last few years, now all this. First though, my daughters and I will pack up everything we want/need to keep, figure out what to do with our pets for a bit and they can see Grandpa, too. While we are in California, I can think about where I want to be and start checking it out. Oh, yeah ... and get all my bills caught up :-). Except for my "ex" attorney ... she can go screw herself!
Then I will sit down and make a list ... I know there are people, specific ones and maybe some random ones I would want to do something on the QT to just let them KNOW they are loved. Since one of my daughters is moving in August, I will go shopping in a "normal" store with them both, go to lunch and buy her a couple things for her new place. Maybe I will take the other daughter to Washington or California; she wants to go to school where they train animals or something like that. California would be warmer and the program there is at the community college; California has great resident rates for that, plus we'd be closer to relatives.
Get into some work and FINALLY, be able to RELAX ...
Know what? That was fun ... I haven't been able to make ANY plans for so long ...
I have been skimming your posts here as I am searching for work trying to stay on top of the kids activities and deal with n who s gf moved out last week and he now has a male house mate living with my kids in his house.
I think sometimes it is easier when things are decided for you a short time to adjust and not you can make plans and leave. It may not be what you wanted but the decision was made and you are free.
Enjoy your family and your girls. Enjoy your freedom. Just let go.
Then despite my contacting people of every sort, I get the blow off or pathetic excuse. In Indiana, we've had Dr. Amir Sanjari (a nuclear physicist) and Dan Brewington held up as examples of what BEGAN as divorce cases and ended in CRIMINAL charges for both men. Shirley Justice was shot 13 times by her ex, after a ruling (looks like to me) incited her ex against her. The ruling, granting him custody and attorney fees and some other (inflammatory) stuff was VOIDED because the judge was removed via a "lazy judge precipae" by Ms. Justice.
Dan Brewington was accused of "intimidation" after blogging about his case and calling the judge/matter "child abuse". He was convicted and served 2.5 years. He is appealing his conviction because he made no direct threats; Paul Ogden (an attorney) is in danger of losing his law license because of his criticism of a judge (who had also been removed from a case via "lazy judge precipae") in a PRIVATE e-mail that later became public. Because he WON'T apologize, citing his 1st amendment rights (as is Brewington) the disciplinary committee will not let up.
I request a protective order because I feel threatened after numerous death threats and having a shotgun loaded and leveled at me; I end up in jail ... and years later, realize there is "behind the scenes monkey business" originating within the system that denied me a fair hearing.
BOTH men were deprived of their children (Constitutional parenting RIGHTS were upheld by our Supreme Court last August, in a case where a mother's parental rights were terminated without notice and her children adopted out. DCFS LOST.) without any clear rationale. As was I, when the 1st completed divorce ... with the agreement to "joint custody" was not challenged or questioned by the judge. I received the decree a month later granting N custody. My parenting times were denied me so many times ... and THAT is a rationale for a change in custody. Despite NUMEROUS Order violations by him, not even a slap on the wrist. WHY does anyone think I ended up back here? NOW I KNOW. He was afraid, because I wasn't turning into a lunatic; I was doing fine and re-establishing a career, etc.
It's not about money. But MARRIAGE IS NOT a tort nor a crime and people shouldn't be punished in a divorce, if they have not done anything wrong. I filed to have the decree clarified when my attorney REFUSED and QUIT. It may be malpractice to have left her client exposed ... but I know that type of action is difficult to prosecute and probably, lengthy. There is NO excuse for what has occurred. My motion was DENIED. The sheriff's deputies WILL use force when evicting ... to enforce the foreclosure ... but NOBODY will even prod him ... when his compliance is so bogus it stinks to high heaven.
And yes, I hear y'all ... and if I could, I would. I HAD to pick up cans for two weeks solid BECAUSE I have had to pick up additional expenses. I was not able to talk with my father for several days because I had no minutes on my phone. I can't relax because, as in the first action, I know that he "isn't done". And he is willing to USE the children he swore I was dangerous around and abusing. Yet I, the lunatic and master criminal am the one to "solve the mystery" ... but nobody cares? We are all having nightmares and I'm guessing they have PTSD too and although they know the "truth" to some degree, it's going to take some time to deal with things. Some times are enjoyable ... but all of this has been so unnecessary.
I can only try, because I know this is wrong. "If not me, who? If not now, when?" Judges here seem to think they should have NO criticism. Can they not be wrong? In my case, I'd say it is VERY CLEAR, examining history (and if anyone listened to the recordings!!!) that the wrong person was awarded custody. I was actually held in contempt when I WAS NOT. It certainly wasn't "my fault" the police couldn't find this house in 2003 ... when they'd never had problems doing so before ... putting off the hearing. In fact, the main reason he terrorized me ... was for police response, so he would have a "credible witness" to when I was supposed to return the children. He must have realized ... I was getting better ... and becoming a danger.
Believe me ... I wish this was all three years in the past ... as it should have been and could have been, with a halfway reasonable person.
I feel compelled to say something that I know you will not like. I hope you know that I care for you and am terribly worried about you and only want you to find peace and happiness. Dawn, Please reconsider putting this behind you . . . yes, I know and appreciate your drive for Justice . . . but this is killing you . . . one day at a time . . .it is eating your life away. Your motives are sound, your character is strong, your survival skills are amazing . . . but you are hitting your head against a brick wall. Repeatedly, as each little glimmer of hope sends you racing back into battle. At some point this whole thing becomes a matter of the effort, pain, and struggle far exceeding the prize at the end. I know how much you would prize a final outcome of justice . . . I just do not see it happening. Of course, only you can make that final decision. But, Dawn, each day that you maintain this battle (apparently a very long and probably hopeless battle) you postpone the glorious day when you are free again. Weigh your options carefully. Isn't freedom at some point more important than justice. Break these chains that bind you to this horrific past. At some point you have to put it behind you and walk away. I really, really think the time is now. Hugs and deep concern. Jenny