Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I just tool two tests and apparently, I am "highly burned out". I believe it! This past week ... horrible. I never have heard back from the first person I called (left message) about checking why the brake light came on. It was coming on intermittently; now it seems to have gone out. I'm thinking something maybe sticking ... but am two tired/disheartened to research. I am going to try to get hold of the other place.
As far as filing anything in Court, right now I am too tired, too. And anyway, it seems they just leave everything wide open ... and he doesn't follow Court orders, anyway and has many creative ways of circumventing them without super apparent defiance.
Got a letter re: evaluating disability ... more stress ... and today call from supervisor ... I am always running behind so now I have to call in every day again. I don't know if it is the larger car, but I have several recent stops that are flung out ... I mean I have to go several miles just to go to one, then back. Friday went slow because of brake light. I sort of lost it a bit, because I feel not only humiliated (I have many written exemplary job evaluations) but I know running a business ... I need the money but understand the management point of view. Since he is circulation director and we talked before, I had told him I e-mailed the editor, many other reporters, state legislators and been to every agency and then some ... I just told him the honest truth ... that I am intelligent, normally deal with problems on my own (like get another job) ... but I don't know anymore WHAT to do.
I figure might as well just let go and let God. I am just not cut out for this level of stress on a continual and increasing basis. Nobody is. I notice I am feeling the emotional shock more frequently. I hate Indiana, because I've never experienced anything like this cruelty ... and I hate to say this, but I was thinking that rapists are kinder ... they let me go. And didn't come back.
2 people, 1 individual and one will ask at church, said they will save cans. I now have 5% of the bill covered; probably more, but don't have much time to do anything productive. I can't build a house, though, faster than it's being burned down ... and that seems to have been what I should have let happen, 2 years ago when it did catch fire. Instead, I put it out and sealed my doom ... or so it feels like.
As far as filing anything in Court, right now I am too tired, too. And anyway, it seems they just leave everything wide open ... and he doesn't follow Court orders, anyway and has many creative ways of circumventing them without super apparent defiance.
Got a letter re: evaluating disability ... more stress ... and today call from supervisor ... I am always running behind so now I have to call in every day again. I don't know if it is the larger car, but I have several recent stops that are flung out ... I mean I have to go several miles just to go to one, then back. Friday went slow because of brake light. I sort of lost it a bit, because I feel not only humiliated (I have many written exemplary job evaluations) but I know running a business ... I need the money but understand the management point of view. Since he is circulation director and we talked before, I had told him I e-mailed the editor, many other reporters, state legislators and been to every agency and then some ... I just told him the honest truth ... that I am intelligent, normally deal with problems on my own (like get another job) ... but I don't know anymore WHAT to do.
I figure might as well just let go and let God. I am just not cut out for this level of stress on a continual and increasing basis. Nobody is. I notice I am feeling the emotional shock more frequently. I hate Indiana, because I've never experienced anything like this cruelty ... and I hate to say this, but I was thinking that rapists are kinder ... they let me go. And didn't come back.
2 people, 1 individual and one will ask at church, said they will save cans. I now have 5% of the bill covered; probably more, but don't have much time to do anything productive. I can't build a house, though, faster than it's being burned down ... and that seems to have been what I should have let happen, 2 years ago when it did catch fire. Instead, I put it out and sealed my doom ... or so it feels like.
The police officer kindly told me that my car could be impounded if I couldn't afford a tow ... the pastor came out, tried to get it started and towed it to a nearby parking lot. Then he drove me back. Wondering what tomorrow will bring.
Was thinking about it earlier; as you said, Spiritsprout, time for some blessings ... I really am SO very tired of trying ... when I was a homeless teen, back in '82, when my father lost house and business in the last Great Recession ... two years later, I was at the Pasadena Rose Bowl, watching the soccer match between France and Egypt ... had a full-time job and promoted to assistant, then manager ... moved out on my own. Even after the divorce, it was 2- 3 years at most and things really were on the upswing.
I can't even LEAVE, thanks to psycho Dude. I remember too, even though he had instigated THAT previous (all, actually) divorce, I had to have the mail held, take a cash advance to get money to leave, that time. I was crying my eyes out, earlier. But I am pretty darn angry, too. Psycho dude, his mommy and Psycho nurse (yes, I know that may sound petulant and childish; don't care, right now) all have to have THEIR selfish ways, so someone has to come and "rescue" me, multiple times ... all kinds of people continually inconvenienced, just for these selfish pieces of whatever they are. Was hoping to get a good start on the day since Friday is "last day" for nuts. Oh, well. Let go and let God, I guess ... no real choices here :-). Thank you Spiritsprout ... seems pretty obvious I need prayer ... thanks for that ... it must be helping some 'cause I get some spirit back and keep going ... as I am allowed!!
Zechariah 13:8-9 ~ "....but a third will be left in the land. I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure, just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people', and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"
dadda, your hard work and efforts will be rewarded. Stay strong, and I believe the stress, heartache, and difficulties you are experiencing right now will one day be a thing of the past. And by walking through the fires, you will shine like gold. I'm praying for your hard earned blessings to be delivered to you. You deserve the best. Hold your head high and keep faith.
I don't know what to say to help. I just believe that fate intends better for us. My experience is that things eventually turned around for no apparent reason. The bad and the good have to average out somewhat eventually. Since you've had so much bad, you are way overdue for some really, really, really good things. We should all think about that and send wishes and prayers your way.