It is frustrating that there does not seem to be anyone in the divorce process who really gets it. Or those that do burn out and so maintain a distance, which is not helpful to us who need help and emotional support. The best thing is just to get it over with and move on.

I am sure you know the nightmares are probably hypervigilence since you seem to be under attack, physically (the visit/house intrustion/PO issue), psychologically (terrorism over the "rent"), and legal (small claims being the latest threat), and financial (bills/car). Once the number of things coming at you slows down, it will get better. You will be able to relax more.

That'll be more likely when the divorce is done and house is sold.

Dadda - Praying for you today that in the midst of the disappointment and frustration that you will receive a sense of peace about your future. You are not invisible, and you do matter!
Big Hugs,
T

Dadda, I hope you will keep fighting. You do matter to me. Many many hugs for you. I pray this will all be over soon for you.

Yay! Got one bright spot of news today ... it seems the water pump on my daughter's car is the main culprit. I am still SO thrilled by the good news there, although I honestly DREAD looking under the hood of car and taking things apart ... I know, it's all being burned out for so long. I feel better than when I wrote ....

and you all are SO helpful and kind ... and I mean that! I know today, I was realizing that I have been so stressed that I haven't had a chance to think much about others, much less show it or help them in some way ... one of the things I've been trying to do more ... as in past, I'd get bogged into problems and isolate ... totally cut off the realization that others have problems, too. And some a lot harder, as this is all "fixable".

LOL yeah, the nightmares. I can see how I feel that I'm on a roller coaster with him ... but of course, we have to do it the "hard way" and climb to the top and get exhausted just to get on it again.
Very weird one last night ... driving in snow and there were people sledding, here and there, where I was trying to drive. I had to pay attention, as they all seemed to be on sleds and in clothes that blended in with the snowy road we were on. Then later, I was in a city, driving, but it was warm weather; there were people all over the place and I had to drive very carefully, as they all had the "right of way" and totally seemed oblivious to me ... talking on their phones and to each other. Then, somehow exN is with me, and I realize I'm pregnant, but it's not his child ... in fact, it's only mine. I'm the only parent to this child. That part was sort of intriguing and seemed positive, somehow.

So sorry for all the stress you have to deal with repeatedly. Your dreams are your body's way of venting some of that stress. Dawn, I keep saying it but it is true, I worry about your health . . . physical and psychological . . . this has been going on for way too long and the toll on you must be getting worse as damaging effects all accumulate. I hope you find a way to stop the merry-go-round and get off . .. quickly. I swear, I would just pack a bag and walk out the door. Good luck, my friend. Keep venting, listening is all we can do for you even though we want so much to help. Hugs.

Dadda, how are things going the past few days? Hoping you're getting at least a little peace.

Dadda,

I hope you are feeling better tonight. I have been reading but not commenting lately as I have a lot going on. My head is full. Sleeping pills are not helping.

and I get it.. why you are staying in that house. It sucks that you have to. but if you leave he can make the house unsellable.. It can sit on the market forever and you will be responsible for taxes and insurance on a worthless property. Yep, sucks. a rock and a hard place. and when you have nothing left to start with. What else is there to do.

and the nightmares... I have been having weird dreams too. I dreamed the other night that I shaved my head and had a tattoo made of a butterfly chained to this big rock at the base of my skull. The chain was shattering. and the butterfly was flying off to the top of my right ear. I remember looking at it in the mirror in my dream and thinking that my left ear looked lonely. Anyway, this was quite the eye opener for me.. For when we were together every time I went to get my hair cut he would pout and cry that it was to short. I only went once a year and it was always quite long when I cared what he thought. Now it is a shoulder length bob. I would love a pixi cut.. Maybe next time. or when the divorce is final. Right before I go to sign papers.

I do hope that you find some peace. It has to be the hardest thing that we are doing right now.

You ladies have all been in my prayers in my absence. (Hugs, dadda)

Thank you ... squeezing in a reply. Daughter is ill, so off to get tissues and supplies. Her car broke down again and still have to figure out what that is ... she said her oil and engine light came on and the car basically died. It sounds like what happened when my transmission solenoid went out. Aargh. I am tired but the past couple nights I think no nightmares ... they are now only relegated to waking hours (LOL) for the moment!

I am feeling, too, for those of you stuck in the process ... Livelife, I really wish I had found some really good answers, but hang in there. I do at least know when I had resolve in past, things finally did change in my favor ... seek out as much real info ... if I had that, plus the turned tide, who knows? I was hoping to get my hair trimmed ... maybe tomorrow.

Quepasa, if I wasn't behind on all bills ... and destroyed credit ... if I had anything positive, I might do that too. It has never been about fighting for the house or assets. But I have had several attorneys I've told some of this to mention filing complaint against mine ... I have already checked and within the past 10 years or so (as far back as the Bar's records go), this county has not had ONE disciplined complaint. Plus, I have made many contacts and nobody is interested ... I've NEVER experienced the like ... maybe the County is misogynistic? I never think of things like that, normally, but am struggling to make sense of this (all). If I go out homeless, I'm going to be shunted into all kinds of things that are not (most likely) going to be to my benefit ... like classes and such to teach me how to budget and blah, blah, blah. If I didn't have the head on my shoulders I do, I suspect I'd have gone down, long ago. The DV person I've been working with told me that people like me aren't "served" very often and that my "case" is complex ... what is the likelihood there are going to be any "services" I can use?

I was hoping to go back into nursing right before all this started. I was looking into review classes, but all I can find are at a distance. Also thought about re-enrolling, but am not eligible for financial aid ... that would have improved license and taken care of review ... and this year, they just got rid of my hope ... a $4,000 yearly nursing scholarship. Oh, well, it's only life going by ...

Dadda,

How frustrating. You are a survivor. Still, why does life have to be so hard sometimes? Tons of hugs being sent your way.