I'm doing okay for now. I'm out with the horses every day. My blood pressure sucks; maybe from the stress of the last 8 years. The knee hurts a little less and I can do more each day. I have some decisions to make that I really don't want to deal with but we all have things like that in our lives.

Money is always short and this winter is going to be hard. I was so blessed to get this farm away from the ex and I count my blessings every day.

Dadda,

I am super busy right now with work, kids, and divorce. many medical things have come up...to add to it. I am applying for more part time work and my co-worker is leaving this week for a new and better opportunity which I am jealous of as she has no kids and can therefor take on a full time job with no flexibility and not have to worry about how sick days, doctors appointments and after school will play in.

I do not reply as much anymore as the space bar on my computer is broken. SO after I am done typing I have to take the time to go back through and add spaces to my comments. Overly annoying and time consuming. and frustrating enough that I just choose not to type... unless it is a cover letter.

I'm glad to hear the farm is taken care of, Trisha, finally. I know that must be a relief in spite of the other things you are still dealing with. Maybe, especially as you get more sorted out, you will continue to feel better, too. I found an interesting site:

http://naturaldatabase.therapeuticresearch.com/ce/ceCourse.aspx?s=ND&cs=&pc=10-108&cec=1&pm=5

that gives clinically researched info on natural treatments for B/P as well as the pharmaceutical ones ... it actually has a lot of different conditions and things that may help, as well as a good listing of nutritional deficiencies that can occur when taking various medications. I don't know if that would interest you, but it may be interesting to someone ... as all the stress can land us taking various medications.

I hope you are wrong about the winter being hard, but it seems sensible to prepare for worst and hope for better. I just hope winter and money will exceed your expectations!!

Livelife: I hope you are getting some breaks as well ... you have a lot to handle. I hope you get something you enjoy, and with some flexibility, too. Maybe you will even find some new direction or career, though, too as a result of a part-time job ... never know.

I just wonder if you have been to a thrift store. I know the older keyboards have that funky connector that maybe isn't on a laptop, but whatever you have, if you can find a wireless or usb connected one, you could probably get a different keyboard for just a couple dollars. It would drive me nutty to have to go back and put spaces in between, after. And I do notice your absence ... it actually seems slow around here, lately. Have you popped the space bar off or tried cleaning it otherwise? Sometimes that can help, too. There are a lot of sites that can give directions; I also found this ... maybe it will help?

http://www.instructables.com/id/Easy-Spacebar-Repair/

And there was this to use substitute key(s) but maybe more trouble than it's worth ... but you can decide that! http://www.ehow.com/how_8681606_use-another-key-replace-spacebar.html?ref=Track2&utm_source=ask

I hope you can get your keyboard up and running right again soon!

Dadda,

I too have been concerned about some of our dearest friends who have not posted lately. Kassandra has been weighing heavily on my mind of late. I have tried to contact her but get no response. She said she was taking a break for awhile. I hope she is doing well. Has anyone heard from her.

There are others that have not weighed in lately. Old and Wiser has not checked in. I hesitate to bother her as she has so much on her plate. If you are reading this, dear, please let us know you are okay.

Same applys to all our old and new friends. Just sign on and say, "Hi." We miss you all. Life just seems to get in the way sometimes and keep us from communicating.

Thanks Dadda. Hope some do drop in and say, "Hi."

Yes, I have been thinking of KassandraDee, too, lately more as it HAS been a while. I know she took a break way back and then came back. I too am hoping she is doing well, better.

And usually, I try to write to people I know, but I have been so inundated with stresses that I have not. I know some people are also posting more to the psychopath (?) board ... but again, haven't had the luxury of time to check and see if they are doing okay. I see Snowy pop in from time to time, and even some of the people who don't post much are occasionally saying something. So I have been wondering ... and just hoping you all are holding your own and hanging in!

I am not sure if it will be encouraging or upset those still stuck in the thick of things, but finally after 3 years post-divorce, and 2 years after getting out of the worst of the messes remaining, I am finally regaining energy, re-engaging with life, and becoming happier. I actually have re-experienced joy in my life. I have not felt joy for probably over a decade before this. I thought I never would.

Part of it is medical. I have been working on my health for a while, and dealing with what living with a PD does to your stress system. Some of you on here know I had CFS and fibro years back from trying to do it all when my N/P would not. I have CPTSD now, but about 3 months ago, it just stopped. I am still over-reactive emotionally, but less numb and avoidant. And I don't constantly have escalating worries in my head or dissociation giving me brain fog. Part of that is the low-dose, bio-identical cortisol (hydrocortisone) replacement therapy I have mentioned here a couple of times. It took a while to get the right dose, and then it took a while for the adrenal gland to repair. I also had to slow my stress as I was emptying my energy bucket faster than I was filling it due to ongoing stresses. Life changes have lessened my stress, as had everyone starting to really move on.

But another critical piece was that I met someone who I am seeing. I had almost zero interest in dating again, but a friend who I have lots in common with and I brought things to a romantic level. So, I did not really go out there and date. He is both the strong, intense, capable type that I tend to gravitate to and genuinely caring, empathic, and notices things, pays attention to my wants and needs. That second part is the critical difference when it comes to not being an N or P. I thought I would have to give up on strength to have caring, but I did not. I mention this because several threads over the last few months, here and on the psychopath board, have mentioned this issue. Having love in my life again feels so great, and I know that is making me want to be all I can be. So, yes, things are much better.

All of a sudden, things just started going my way. Trust me, I was way overdue for that to happen. But then people around me start to notice and they start to do more with me, and life just takes off. It is kind of like a flower blossoming.

I really did not think this would ever happen, so my message is that it really just does. Not everything is sunshine and roses, but I have hope and enjoyment back in my life again. And caring love.

I wish for all of us to feel better soon.

Yes, I also post to the psychopath board and have found that very useful. I perhaps have checked in more there and then run out of time to get to the narcissist board. I'll try to do better.

So hAppy for you, escape for1 . May we,all be so fortunate in time.

Escapefor1: sorry not to have checked back on my own post for a while; I have been exhausted and "running like the dickens". Your message is VERY encouraging and is what I experienced last time ... I guess I didn't realize that his knowledge that I could (and knew it) get along fine without him ... would lead to what has been and still, is. Yikes!! I've learned more than I ever wanted to know ... and sadly, I know that there is more than just my experiences ...

My journals from the past reflect the truth of your words ... and I hope they help every one of us to hang on: every day I was asking if my efforts would EVER go anywhere. I was so frustrated, upset and angry ... especially watching and listening to others, whose lives seemed unmarred by trauma and didn't realize how "easy" they had it ... life is never "perfect", but there is a point, almost always, when the gray skies and life clear and the results start to manifest .... and as they are delayed, necessarily, by scientific laws (cause and effect), usually, efforts begin to pay off in continual and continuing "better days". Thank you for an encouraging message!

I know that older and wiser is doing very well, and well, is wise as an owl and is enjoying life, I believe probably way too busy with family etc to post as of late is my thought.

Dadda I know you have it so hard and I think of you more often than you can imagine. I too hope if Kass and others are not posting it is because things are better?

Often I get off this board as it sometimes extenuates my stupid almost 8 years of living hell with some breaks in the drama, and it reminds me I should have LEFT some time ago. Every time I think financially I can do it, I fall flat on my face.

So I can only speak for myself. My job is doable, my pay is under poverty level still, but somewhat better and my car is giving me trouble and I still owe thousands. I am almost done with the AA degree and feel at this age I will stop there. As much as I want a BA or even a Masters at this age I know better. At least an AA is an accomplishment and I am FINE with that. I had hoped to go further only because I could possibly USE it in the workplace but at age 54 I just know better.

The N is still the N. He was becoming somewhat peaceful but then the roller coaster always starts up again. I have totally distanced myself from his N Mom. He had her on speaker phone recently before Thanksgiving (she makes the holidays MISERABLE if you allow her to that is), and she said some cruel ugly things cause I was not kissing her ass.

She then blatantly told me to my face she never said the hurtful things. I said really??? Your son had you on a speaker she said, OH. I swear the look on her face was sadly priceless.

I sometimes lately think I will pass here, and not be able to ever live again. I am very drained.


Escape I over react as well and try very hard not to. Even as I type this I know so many have it so much worse how dare I even complain? I WISH EVERYONE PEACE.

Sunny,

Congratulations on your upcoming educational milestone. We are proud of your determination and accomplishment in your degree and in your personal life. Read and post here when you can find the time. Just know that we are all here to listen, to hold your hand, and to pat your back and cheer. We are here to cry with you as needed as well, whether tears of joy or tears of sorrow. Having been there at several points in my life, I know that financial burdens are some of the most devestating kind. Do what you can to squirrel away small amounts of cash . . . so that you have emergency funds if needed. Keep positive and focus on finding some small things that feed your soul and give you joy. At the top of that list, please note that all of us here are sending you hugs and encouragement. Don't let the bast...d or his mother get you down. Their opinions are of no value. You are valued here . . . WE CARE. HUGS.

still busy looking for a job somewhere waiting for the employer to contact me. wish there were more time to do other things....also kinda stressed too