I would check with a bankruptcy attorney. What can happen depends on the state you live in. But I would think that he may not be able to discharge payment to you in bankruptcy. In my state, support payments can not be eliminated through bankruptcy. I know because I checked, because I thought I would be driven into bankruptcy, but fortunately wasn't. I am not sure what happens to settlement of property payments.

But Ns can sure mess up a house sale. I wanted to sell our house when we still had loads of equity, but he didn't (as it was a large house in a prestigious area and he could not picture downsizing). He refused to sell until foreclosure was imminent. Even then, he threatened to stay at the house until the new owners called the sheriff on him, and the sheriff carted him away. Because of this fear, I had to hire a separate attorney to represent our kids. For one reason, the child's attorney could prevent them losing their things as he would not vacate and would not allow their things to be moved out of the house in advance. We ended up losing all our equity in the house, but at least we avoided foreclosure.

So, basically, by being stubborn, unrealistic, and image-focused -- instead of focusing on our financial needs and the needs of his own children to keep their things -- he lost all of our house equity -- and then blamed me. Losing the value does happen just so they can be stubborn about their narcissistic wants.

dadda11o I'm far away in Ireland and apols I'm not versed on legal matters...but from all you wrote I would get as much legal support as possible.

It seems to me that his calling by and blindsiding you with his mean plans is a form of intimidation and control? and not any kind of positive..I would like to think that you would refuse to communicate with him any further..and it sounds like the best idea to get extra legal advise so that you are sure of all the legalities. Have you somebody legal representing you who can write to the realtor? That usually gets most people moving out of fear of not responding. They can get away with it possibly only with you as maybe they can argue that they can't deal with both of you or something?

Escapefor1 yours sounds like mine too..anything to run his own agenda, regardless of whether it hurt my children or not. Mine tried very hard to lose 'me' the home, even though that would have involved making three homeless mid their exams and schooling.

We've survived them this far...mines finally well offside now thankfully..your day will come too..and its a truly great day when it arrives...hope you get all you deserve and wish for..

Bankruptcy is handled through the federal courts. Alimony, child support, the IRS and student loans cannot be discharged by a bankruptcy filing. Check on line.

I would wonder if he's even put the house on the market. You know you can google your address and at least see the listing. He might have pulled the house off the market. suedoomac is right about not being able to file bankruptcy to get out of paying you what he owes. I know a lady here in town who was married to a total jerk like you have in your life. She had to get a bankruptcy lawyer to stop her H from trying the same thing. I've been divorced nearly six years and she was trying to get her divorce before I was. The poor lady is still having problems with her ex. He lives about a mile from me and I see him in the yard helping his mother. He hasn't seen his children in several years because he won't take the testing and classes so he can see them.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. Life is sure not fair.

Oh man dadda! That would exhaust me too. It does, actually. I get too flustered with the research, that I give up. I commend you on keeping up with his BS. I pray yours will be done soon.

I wanted to mention, since I checked into this long ago, that everyone IS correct, in that SUPPORT obligations CANNOT be discharged via bankruptcy. However, general "settlement" or "equalization" can be (Chapter 13) ... I am just bringing this up because there is a difference. Apparently, there would have to be payments toward satisfying the debt, for 3 - 5 years, but who can say what monthly amount would be ordered to be paid? In fact, from my reading, it is a GOOD IDEA to have it placed in your decree ... a stipulation regarding bankruptcy, if there are loose ends in terms of settlement which will take place over time. The Bankruptcy Court may give it weight, if a Chapter 13 is filed. http://familylaw.ncbar.org/newsletters/familyforumdec2010/bankruptcycontextdivorce

Honestly, I am not sure exactly how this would work ... I know he is thinking that if he files bankruptcy, he can KEEP the house, get rid of the obligation to me, and that would also lead to him being put back "in possession".

Escape, yes, I know what you mean ... they are "nuts" without being crazy. And no, I have NO use for speaking with him ... the last time I did was about a year ago ... it is useless to try, anyway. I tried to explain to him, long before he filed again, that we would have $100k in the bank, little debt and a paid off (or nearly so) house, had we not gone through the previous shenanigans. As is was, though, I made a table of the mortgage, his income over the years we were apart .... he refinanced two or three times ... the mortgage is nearly where it was when we purchased, 15 years ago. He gambled and blew a large wad ... I try not to think of it.

And yes, it is still on the market as of a couple days ago. I think he must have signed a six month listing. Frankly, I am sick and tired of having to play "soap opera" to a 51 yr old temper tantrum bully. Trisha, LOL I am really believing that "life" probably is pretty fair ... just some of the "players" sure aren't. Wish I could go to Court and play the recording of him saying, "F*** the judge," a few times ... it sure would be a contrast with the proper little self he tries to portray when he is there in person in front of them all! Oh, yeah, and, "he (the judge) can just come look for me," etc etc.

Maybe that's a big part of his problem ... he needs someone to come "look for him" ... to prove he exists. I for one have no need to look for him or be involved with him ... and had he been man enough to just do a DIVORCE (!!) I'd have put him in the past without any problem. Even if I lose, that doesn't make me the "loser".

Sometimes I wonder if they use their minds for anything but to think up ways to hurt the other person??? And then call the other person crazy because we just might fight back in one way or another. They seem to be able to make drama out of anything no matter which way it goes.

Call his bluff. Be strong. he might even hang himself legally because either he is threatening you in the hopes of scaring you out or he is intensely stupid.

Oldandwiser, that made me laugh. I have been feeling better, although I am now wondering if his being a co-signer on our daughter's car loan will affect her, as well, if he does file. I guess, too, I have been wondering whether a person can file "at any level" don't know if that makes sense ... but if they could do it for spite more so than they can't pay their bills. For one thing, MOST of his income is SSDI, which makes him nearly "judgement proof" in terms of regular debts.

He has, to my knowledge, only one other judgement, in the neighborhood of $1500 or so. So my thinking is that he is merely threatening or may go through with a filing, just for spite rather than need. There is a pretty good on-line "Court watch" you can access here ... and I have found links to his remortgaging the property several times and I have info that pretty well establishes that decimated our daughters' monies and mine. Maybe that can be helpful if he really does go through. But for the moment, I am thinking that he is very angry at not getting his way. And even though I am angry about a lot I'm having to deal with or put up with, I am not interested in reacting to every petty annoyance. I did file the motion regarding the previous fraud and though it was dismissed, it IS a part of the Court record, now.

He came by yesterday morning, to demand "rent" and my getting out again. I am looking into filing for another PO. I should not have to tolerate this behavior, as we have a very clear Court order about what we are to do ... and he moved ME here, 2000 miles from relatives, etc and has demonstrated that he has multiple places to stay.

I have (without trying to be malicious) been wishing he would trip himself up with his shenanigans. I merely want to sell the house and get on with life ... this is costing precious time and decimated my own finances and credit, not to mention ability to build up career.

Maybe, too, if he files bankruptcy, I would be allowed to provide the recordings in which he threatens it ...over two years, in order to "screw me over". What I found in the recorded docs is really interesting ... he gave me ONLY $6,000 in the first divorce ... but had obtained a $27k "second mortgage" or line of credit (at that time) that he canceled in 2003. But if we had no equity in the house, I was entitled to a better settlement ... actually, I found the appraisal done at that time ... just in equity, he would have owed me something like $20k. Just that I should not have to be "stiffed" twice. That would truly be unjust.

Well, there are many ways to not sell a house if you really don't want to sell a house. Apologies that I am not more familiar with your particular situation, and the house settlement. But it sounds like you both own the house, he got it in divorce/separation settlement, but has to pay you your part after loans on it. Now he is threatening to declare bankruptcy which would wipe the part he owes you clean. I defer to those who know more about bankrupcty law than I do, but I have heard in some states you get to keep your primary house, but in others you don't -- maybe not right after newer laws. But I also thought I heard that the new bankruptcy law prevents or discourages/penalizes frivolous bankrutpcy filings that are not really necessary.

It sounds like you might get a new net worth appraisal considering the true amount of loans at the time (5x more?!). If you were owed more and went back to court, then maybe with the bankruptcy reduction, you'd get a closer to similar amount, unless he thinks he'll get it all wiped out.

Also, depending on the state (I am pretty sure for divorce court/family law), you might be able to sue for "wastage" of marital assets or some such, if you mean literally gambling, instead of metaphorically. Gambling losses are something that you might be able to recover in a financial settlement, though maybe this would also be wiped out in a bankruptcy. Did you already do this? Is this what you mean when you say the fraud, or was that something else?

Can you file some kind of lien on the house? Does this survive bankruptcy? It would also prevent the sale, though, I think, not sure.

I realize it is expensive, but this really sounds like a time to check in attorneys who know these financial things.

Oh what a mess. I have no advice to add, just thinking that all the thinking he's doing is wrong. They'd sooner shoot themselves in the foot than act like responsible, mature adults. You're due for some smooth sailing, dadda, you really are.

What was my personal experience, was that although my ex N would like to preserve a luxury looking way of life, ultimately it was more important to win over me, literally at any cost. He wiped out our joint assets fighting me, and actually drove me into net debt over our divorce. So rather than split some considerable assets and move on, and allow our (and his, to make the point clearly) children a nicer life, he preferred to continue fighting until all was just vaporized.

To me, that's not winning either, so what's the point? We both lost? Our kids lost too? What's the point?! I know, there is none, it's a rhetorical question. Ns aren't rational, I know. But still ...

Nescafe is what i am doing for n's not working for 4 years when trying to sta his not for profit. He ate through all of our savings then took hone equity out in the house i am living in without asking.

I am away for the week el apologies for all check on phone

Dadda,

My thoughts are with you. You have already gone through far too much trauma at the hands of that idiot. Don't overtax yourself . .. he is not worth it. Keep us posted. Wish I could say more . . . . bottom line, we all care. Hugs.

Thanks ... I have been busy checking out what I can, legal means. There actually is a lot of good information out there, but laws are not meant to cover every convoluted situation someone can dream up in their evil imagination., Plus, with divorce handled at state level and bankruptcy at Federal, I have some understanding that this could become yet another sticky mess.

I don't believe my attorney did a very good job presenting things at hearing. Since we had no major assets, there wasn't "the motivation" there might have been. Plus, she tried to sell me on bankruptcy. But refused to file a motion to clarify the decree .... so she can go to hell, as far as I am concerned. "You might not like what the judge says." SO? I am a big girl and I know him ... I knew the games would start again and I knew he didn't intend to sell the house OR to go through with settlement. So it would have been better, even if I didn't "like" it, to have possession and the expenses clarified, as well as responsibilities for post-secondary support for our daughter(s). But she was VERY general about amounts and so on ... not "he gambled up to $10k a year on income of "X" " or "that the marriage, legally, was of "short duration", but that she was there for years, investing and making payments and etc, in the expectation". And of course, I couldn't INSIST on him marrying sooner, as he could have demanded I go, and he still had legal custody ... I guess these people aren't super sleuths and really, most of them probably see all these pretty much the same ...

But if he does, I am a creditor and I can protest on the fraud, with excellent statistics on amounts and etc ... and the more I learn, the more clearly I will be able to lay it out, if need be, with a nice paper trail. Or go down in flames. I will prepare for worst and hope for better :-)

Not all is bad and sometimes, the bad is clearer and leads to better later ... so I'm going to work now and hoping to catch up and share more (positive!) later.

Sounds like you're keeping a positive, can-do attitude, so that'll help.