Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I have been out of my abusive relationship which was 6.5 years long for now more than 5 years.
I am happily married for about 2.5 years now with a very supportive husband.
With lots of support from soooo many people including my angels DS friends and my family I have become a more confident and relaxed me...
What scares me now is that I can still see some after effects of being in an abusive relationship in me..
Examples that I can remember now
- I don't like when anyone calls me multiple times in a day.Like my husband likes to call me twice a day to ask how my day has been. Earlier I would not be able to take or used to cut his call. Then, I started picking up but he could hear in my voice that I am not liking it and now I do pickup and talk but something inside me tells me to put it down.
I used to be a person who used to love to talk on phone earlier to my relationship with my narc ex.
Why??
I was not allowed to call my ex (then my bf) multiple times..Say he missed a call then I was supposed to wait atleast few hrs before calling him again.If he picks up and sounds busy (which he did 80% of times) I should keep the phone down immediately.
- I would cutoff any suggestion given by anyone quite rudely. Thankfully this has completely changed.
Why??
I was always supposed to meekly agree to any "suggestion" given by my ex else face the consequences.
Can't remember anything else, I hope that's a good sign :-)
Today, I am happy and thankful in many ways to God for ending the inexplicable painful relationship I was in.
Where I am going with all this is, whether all this is normal??
Is anyboday else also going through this??
I can see the improvement since I got out of the relationship and today, which is huge..
But, there are still some aftermath of my past that I am facing even though I am not at all in contact with my ex anymore.
The intensity and effect is decreasing but still not nil.
I am happily married for about 2.5 years now with a very supportive husband.
With lots of support from soooo many people including my angels DS friends and my family I have become a more confident and relaxed me...
What scares me now is that I can still see some after effects of being in an abusive relationship in me..
Examples that I can remember now
- I don't like when anyone calls me multiple times in a day.Like my husband likes to call me twice a day to ask how my day has been. Earlier I would not be able to take or used to cut his call. Then, I started picking up but he could hear in my voice that I am not liking it and now I do pickup and talk but something inside me tells me to put it down.
I used to be a person who used to love to talk on phone earlier to my relationship with my narc ex.
Why??
I was not allowed to call my ex (then my bf) multiple times..Say he missed a call then I was supposed to wait atleast few hrs before calling him again.If he picks up and sounds busy (which he did 80% of times) I should keep the phone down immediately.
- I would cutoff any suggestion given by anyone quite rudely. Thankfully this has completely changed.
Why??
I was always supposed to meekly agree to any "suggestion" given by my ex else face the consequences.
Can't remember anything else, I hope that's a good sign :-)
Today, I am happy and thankful in many ways to God for ending the inexplicable painful relationship I was in.
Where I am going with all this is, whether all this is normal??
Is anyboday else also going through this??
I can see the improvement since I got out of the relationship and today, which is huge..
But, there are still some aftermath of my past that I am facing even though I am not at all in contact with my ex anymore.
The intensity and effect is decreasing but still not nil.
Why your behaviors? Because of old tapes and trigger buttons. Our computers are like brains and when it senses something familiar, it throws out there what it knows. I rescued a little abused dog about 10 years ago. When I would reach down to pet her or pick her up, she would cower down in fear. The only way she would happily let me hold her is when I was sitting down on the floor. So apparently in the past when someone reached down to her, it was to hit her. It was years, and years, and years before her mind was untrained to cower, to overcome the trigger of abuse. Now she is a little princess, and she doesn't even think of cowering anymore. I guess only time and good treatment can heal some things.
Be gentle with yourself.
Why? is a good question but not in a "what's wrong with me?" way more in a why does this help me or why did it help me, where did I learn these behaviors? Awareness is huge and there is always a reason for the strange things we do after being in those types of relationships. There is nothing wrong with you it's just how humans operate; we find ways to adapt to whatever situation we find ourselves in it takes a while to then re-adapt to something different. Sounds like you are on the right road, take care.
This is my past experience and I've just fully learned that is what has happened. So I'll be staying single while I do the hard stuff, the healing and the self discovery of me.
xx
That is a wise decision. . . . one that takes courage and determination to fulfill. Hugs. Keep venting.