Hi! In July, I will have been on the (old and new) forum about a year. I'm glad I found this place, as I was posting other places and not getting much response other than ... "wow! That's crazy. Good luck." Not very helpful, as you might imagine. I only wish I'd had a lot of this information available way back ...

I am on the 20th month of my second divorce from the same guy. Third dissolution filed in our "marriage". I ended up back here because my naivete prevented me from taking steps to protect my mental health AND my legal rights when we divorced in 2000. He gained custody of our children during the 1st divorce and not only wielded it as a weapon, but later tried to cut me out of our children's lives altogether. I ended up in jail (contempt of Court) when I tried to get the Court's attention and a protective order. That was 2003. I held my ground, got legal representation and prevented him from carrying out those plans.

Best part, though, is that I got my mind back. My husband's brother snatched our children in 1998. precipitating panic attacks in me. These remained undiagnosed for years. In fact, he had me hospitalized a couple of times just by saying I was going to kill our pastor, then later, myself. The hospitalizations and basically, losing my freedom based on a flimsy statement made by someone who wasn't looking out for my interests was in itself traumatizing. I couldn't even stay in our house ... I didn't realize it til much later, but I kept waiting for something bad to happen.

I was able to structure some job situations that didn't cause problems for me ... I had past difficulties relating to anxiety in particular; probably compounded by misdiagnosis and treatment for bipolar disorder (1998) rather than PTSD, which was not diagnosed until 2003. I finally received a promotion to a career level position in 2006; possibly my husband feared my improvement might eventually give me an advantage in Court ... I don't know. My attorney held out no hope to me of being able to get the custody changed, so over the course of a year of my husband insisting he "wanted me back" and loved me, I came back, not originally to marry, but decrease the stress to our children and lessen the impact on my finances. I did think he had changed and we were engaged, later remarried.

After a near fatal heart attack in 2009 and a foot ulcer in 2010, he began an affair with a married nurse who was treating him. At first, I thought it was a stress thing ... now I realize that my assertive refusal to keep following his script, plus a gambling habit that was a lot bigger than I knew, prompted him to look for "greener pastures" and dump me first chance. He originally tried to scare and bully me out of our home and is in the process of trying to force bankruptcy on me.

I'm hoping to turn things in a positive direction and soon, hopefully! Working on setting up business to expand book sales I originally started casually as a way to help pay his medical bills.

I'm probably a little bit on the serious side, maybe because I have been through a lot and maybe 'cause I'm the oldest and always heard I was "supposed to set a good example". But I like to have fun, too and have a quirky but often dry sense of humor. If ever I say something that doesn't sit right, please let me know. I'd much rather solve things right away and not let things fester. You can PM anytime, if you prefer. Especially, too if you have any questions, etc. At times I get busy and check messages but don't always get a chance to read all the posts, depending on how much activity there is.

I'm willing to share any of what I have been through or learned along the way, including likely resources, if that can help you keep out of the predicaments I found myself in. Main point I learned along the way: children are props, just as you are. They are disposable, but often Ns will fight to keep them for a variety of reasons: money, image, control are probably the biggest. I just say this because I couldn't, in past, wrap my head around the idea of a parent not loving their child(ren). Still can't. But my husband's mother lives next door and I KNOW that she is helping her son not only destroy himself, but her grandchildren's family - AGAIN. Not even batting an eye; I am now convinced of the truth. And my children lost out on a lot of good by my not knowing or understanding what I was dealing with and apparently, the mental health and legal places aren't the most knowledgeable or helpful.