I don't know how long you were with that man but in my experience 6 months is not usually long enough to get over someone. Do you have any way to work through all this? A support group offline, a therapist, friends you can really open up to? The more abusive your relationship was and the more manipulative I think the more you have to work through on top of going through the grief of lost love. It's important too to be aware if the past relationship triggered older stuff as well like if you were acting out issues you'd had with parents or past boyfriends that's more stuff. I'm mentioning all this not to sound overwhelming but because I think it's really normal for healing to take more time than we expect and too be more complex than we are aware of. Getting in touch with your anger can really put some distance there, I have a really hard time with anger so if you do too that would be good to have a therapists guidance. Hope something here helps, my thoughts are with you.

You are no failure at this. It helps to concentrate on yourself, all that is good in life and what you are doing to meet your own goals though. What i found was that the best way to push out the old memories was to fill my life with new activities.

An abused child will always want to return to the abusive parent and try to earn the love they deserve. In all my years of working with abused children, i have seen very few who did not "over love" the abusive parent. No matter what age a person is when in an abusive relationship that person loses themselves in trying to win love from the abuser.

Don't ever think it is unusual to have these feelings months and sometimes years after the relationship ends. This is why therapy is so important.

This healing may have slowed because he still attempts contact and you still see him sometimes even if it's just a glimpse. Hearing about the other woman, in my opinion this is all some sort of contact. I'm sure that this is why you're still struggling at the degree that you are. I still think that you're way a head of the game, 6 months of not responding is a great mile stone. In another six months you will feel different.

On the 16 of this month it will be three months since I broke it off with N and It's just been one month with complete NC. No information about him leaking to me whatsoever and I do feel better. However I still have moments where I miss him but then I think "what the heck am I missing"?

I've figured out that I miss his company, I feel pretty socially lonely and he was my closest "friend" at the time. I'm pretty lonely. It sucks.

You're healing at your own pace, try not to give your self time limits as we are all different with different experiences. This just adds pressure that's not needed. I think if he didn't attempt contact and you never saw or heard from him, you progress would speed up. However I understand that sometimes this isn't possible if you're in the same town or have children together.

Hugs and love

I agree with the above. The fewer present reminders, the easier. Not to say that you are "never" going to remember, but it sounds like it is still overwhelming in many ways and that is hard. That could also be a result of not "processing", for lack of a better word. And again, why therapy or some ways to get things sorted better, make some new goals and have things going on in your life that use up mental energy, so it's not "wandering around", looking for something to do.

And like the other ladies said, you are human and the most "normal" and healthy thing is for relationships to work out and problems to be solved. I still have those times when I feel how sad it is, but the acceptance is there ... he is not a machine or anything that can be "repaired" and he is not interested, or his own stresses ... whatever. His messes are not for me to figure out! So yeah, if those times hit, I think about it a little and how sad and a waste the end result is.

And yes, the mind can do some funny tricks ... I was divorced about 5-6 years before coming back. And in some weird ways, I sort of had "amnesia" for the time I was gone. Not really, but I would sometimes even get a bit lost in the city where I lived during that time. The only thing I can think to compare it to is the "tesseract" in "A Wrinkle in Time" (which I know, if you never read it, still makes no sense). But you KNOW you don't want to "pick up" where you left off, because nothing different. You want some of those good times in the now, isn't that part of it?

I finally had to "bite the bullet" so to speak and make it "impossible" for us to "get back together". I can't think of the specific examples, but I guess getting the restraining order is a good example. Things that break the "we" and finalize. I remember how sad and tearful or even anxiety provoking it was to take those measures, but I did it. And it was sad that he never responded in such a way to make those steps unnecessary, but now I am glad that I got through that. Makes the acceptance of "the reality" so much more easy to understand and deal with. And funny, too in a way, cause I remember an article that talks about how we have to grieve "twice" - we do "our work" as well as theirs. I actually think those "cutting off" steps I took are the ones he needed to be taking with his mother (and probably other places in his world), what she should have done as a parent for him, but neither has and neither will. So I hope you understand that you might have a bit of a "double whammy", as it isn't just the nice, direct and straightforward "goodbye" that occurs in most situations.

So just be as understanding of yourself and the situation as you can be. You are not messed up because you can't forget and all. Just a bit stuck, it sounds. Hugs.

Today was a roller coaster. I truly appreciate each and every response. It helped me get through the day. It was just what I needed. I love the support of this group. Thanks to all and hugs right back! :)

Today was a roller coaster. I truly appreciate each and every response. It helped me get through the day. It was just what I needed. I love the support of this group. Thanks to all and hugs right back! :)