Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I took this article to therapy the other week; I broke down crying as I read it and had a hard time finishing ... I identified with so much ... I couldn't help it. I want to share it because there are some good points in it ... a lot of posts, especially early on ... we tend to look at ourselves and take the blame or responsibility, or in our pain, we forget about a lot of the good characteristics we have, especially if the N has been putting us down for some time ... or the situation has been harsh.
Sometimes, I feel really "stupid" for how this has ended up ... BUT, I have to remind myself that HE tried to scare me away (seriously) by throwing me into panic attacks and trying to get me OUT. I withstood that onslaught with flying colors: therapy and efforts DO lead to positive change and PROGRESS. I stood up and showed our daughters that, no, this person DOES NOT have "the power" to steamroller over me, ever time. And they are getting it, to some extent, even if the system can't (or WON'T), that the destruction is ... well, it's unnecessary and wrong. And I AM understanding why I, in particular AM going through such rough injustice ... there are people who've helped me ... but destruction can usually exceed productive efforts, plus the fact that those who help make a giant disaster never seem to be around to clean up their share of it ... and this quote I like explains the rest:
"Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph." (Haile Selassie)
Sometimes it's been me ... inactive or indifferent ... sometimes, though just ignorant. BUT I have spent the past three years contacting the people who say they help, as well as those who are supposed to be doing a job ... and so, I am not so naive as before. Do not blame yourself, when the chips are down and you have made every effort.
I hope this article speaks to you ... I think it has at least something for everyone on here, even if just a reminder.
I know one thing, from my tears and reading though ... if the people who were being paid or were, by virtue of office/authority ... had put as much care and attention into their duties as people who've helped us, out of their kindness and character, this would have turned out much differently and sooner!
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3 Things To Learn From The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – A Gifted Trauma Survivor
By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC
Lisbeth Salander is the fictional heroine of Steig Larsson’s trilogy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest. As the heroine, Lisbeth Salander embodies certain characteristics of giftedness, and these characteristics help her survive terrible, long-term physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
What helps Lisbeth Salander survive her ordeals?
*Good problem solving skills mediate trauma.
Lisbeth Salander survives traumas that might lead to addiction or the suicide of a less resilient character. Giftedness contributes to her resiliency by aiding her problem solving, which increases her ability to cope.
Her giftedness provides a supportive mediating factor to the experience of trauma.
It allows her to hold on to the knowledge of what was done to her without questioning, minimizing or rationalizing away the reality of what happens, or internalizing a false belief that she has done something to deserve it.
She is able to squarely face the truth, and not be broken by it.
If you are a gifted trauma survivor, trust that your problem solving abilities will help you.
*Use your giftedness to hold on to the truth of what happened.
*Resist the urge to internalize what is done to you.
*Claim resilience as part of your nature.
To learn more about this, read Drama of the gifted child by Alice Miller. This short but emotionally powerful book has become a classic and may help you view your childhood from a different perspective.
*Integrity helps maintain self-respect.
Gifted people tend to put a lot of thought into determining the right course of action—a course of action that serves the greater good and is consistent with a sense of personal integrity. These moral codes may not always match cultural or legal norms.
Lisbeth Salander is victimized under the guise of a legal authority, but her treatment is immoral. More than most, she understands that what is legal is not always moral, and that what is moral is not always legal. One is not a guarantee of the other.
Lisbeth Salander acts in defense of the underdog while meting out harsh judgment to those who wrong her and others. She takes care to support those that help her along the way, and makes amends to those intimates that are harmed by her enemies.
She finds solutions outside the traditional legal channels that, in some instances, prevent further abuse by her perpetrators.
While we may not approve of her harsh actions or the nature of her integrity, there is an internal moral consistency to what she does. Maintaining personal integrity and morality in the face of trauma and abuse can mitigate some of the harmful effects.
If you are a gifted trauma survivor, please know that I am not advocating that you take harmful actions against those that have hurt you, after all Lisbeth Salander is fictional. But I am suggesting that you act in accordance with your highest moral values. Living life with integrity, even if others do not, can contribute to a healthy sense of self.
For more information about this topic, I recommend Don Ambrose’s article, “Morality and high ability: Navigating a landscape of altruism and malevolence” in the book, Morality, ethics and gifted minds.
*Be responsible for your own destiny.
Gifted people tend to be independent and place a high value on autonomy and self-determination. They have the capacity to think outside the box and the drive to be the best they can be. Some people call this entelechy.
Lisbeth Salander spends much of her life institutionalized or under government supervision. Rather than succumb to the dependency and learned helplessness that is a common result of extended institutionalization, she fights to develop her own life and escapes the abusive control of those who try to subjugate her.
Once she attains her independence, she guards it fiercely. She finds a way to access resources that allow her to live an independent life.
If you are a gifted trauma survivor, your life may depend upon your independence and capacity to develop your own skills, even within the constraints of your situation. Harness your drive and energy to help yourself feel better physically and psychologically. Healing the effect of trauma can help you live the kind of life that you want.
- See more at: http://highability.org/3-things-to-learn-from-the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo-a-gifted-trauma-survivor/#sthash.xL96BMf9.dpuf
Sometimes, I feel really "stupid" for how this has ended up ... BUT, I have to remind myself that HE tried to scare me away (seriously) by throwing me into panic attacks and trying to get me OUT. I withstood that onslaught with flying colors: therapy and efforts DO lead to positive change and PROGRESS. I stood up and showed our daughters that, no, this person DOES NOT have "the power" to steamroller over me, ever time. And they are getting it, to some extent, even if the system can't (or WON'T), that the destruction is ... well, it's unnecessary and wrong. And I AM understanding why I, in particular AM going through such rough injustice ... there are people who've helped me ... but destruction can usually exceed productive efforts, plus the fact that those who help make a giant disaster never seem to be around to clean up their share of it ... and this quote I like explains the rest:
"Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph." (Haile Selassie)
Sometimes it's been me ... inactive or indifferent ... sometimes, though just ignorant. BUT I have spent the past three years contacting the people who say they help, as well as those who are supposed to be doing a job ... and so, I am not so naive as before. Do not blame yourself, when the chips are down and you have made every effort.
I hope this article speaks to you ... I think it has at least something for everyone on here, even if just a reminder.
I know one thing, from my tears and reading though ... if the people who were being paid or were, by virtue of office/authority ... had put as much care and attention into their duties as people who've helped us, out of their kindness and character, this would have turned out much differently and sooner!
*******************************************************************************************************************************
3 Things To Learn From The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – A Gifted Trauma Survivor
By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC
Lisbeth Salander is the fictional heroine of Steig Larsson’s trilogy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest. As the heroine, Lisbeth Salander embodies certain characteristics of giftedness, and these characteristics help her survive terrible, long-term physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
What helps Lisbeth Salander survive her ordeals?
*Good problem solving skills mediate trauma.
Lisbeth Salander survives traumas that might lead to addiction or the suicide of a less resilient character. Giftedness contributes to her resiliency by aiding her problem solving, which increases her ability to cope.
Her giftedness provides a supportive mediating factor to the experience of trauma.
It allows her to hold on to the knowledge of what was done to her without questioning, minimizing or rationalizing away the reality of what happens, or internalizing a false belief that she has done something to deserve it.
She is able to squarely face the truth, and not be broken by it.
If you are a gifted trauma survivor, trust that your problem solving abilities will help you.
*Use your giftedness to hold on to the truth of what happened.
*Resist the urge to internalize what is done to you.
*Claim resilience as part of your nature.
To learn more about this, read Drama of the gifted child by Alice Miller. This short but emotionally powerful book has become a classic and may help you view your childhood from a different perspective.
*Integrity helps maintain self-respect.
Gifted people tend to put a lot of thought into determining the right course of action—a course of action that serves the greater good and is consistent with a sense of personal integrity. These moral codes may not always match cultural or legal norms.
Lisbeth Salander is victimized under the guise of a legal authority, but her treatment is immoral. More than most, she understands that what is legal is not always moral, and that what is moral is not always legal. One is not a guarantee of the other.
Lisbeth Salander acts in defense of the underdog while meting out harsh judgment to those who wrong her and others. She takes care to support those that help her along the way, and makes amends to those intimates that are harmed by her enemies.
She finds solutions outside the traditional legal channels that, in some instances, prevent further abuse by her perpetrators.
While we may not approve of her harsh actions or the nature of her integrity, there is an internal moral consistency to what she does. Maintaining personal integrity and morality in the face of trauma and abuse can mitigate some of the harmful effects.
If you are a gifted trauma survivor, please know that I am not advocating that you take harmful actions against those that have hurt you, after all Lisbeth Salander is fictional. But I am suggesting that you act in accordance with your highest moral values. Living life with integrity, even if others do not, can contribute to a healthy sense of self.
For more information about this topic, I recommend Don Ambrose’s article, “Morality and high ability: Navigating a landscape of altruism and malevolence” in the book, Morality, ethics and gifted minds.
*Be responsible for your own destiny.
Gifted people tend to be independent and place a high value on autonomy and self-determination. They have the capacity to think outside the box and the drive to be the best they can be. Some people call this entelechy.
Lisbeth Salander spends much of her life institutionalized or under government supervision. Rather than succumb to the dependency and learned helplessness that is a common result of extended institutionalization, she fights to develop her own life and escapes the abusive control of those who try to subjugate her.
Once she attains her independence, she guards it fiercely. She finds a way to access resources that allow her to live an independent life.
If you are a gifted trauma survivor, your life may depend upon your independence and capacity to develop your own skills, even within the constraints of your situation. Harness your drive and energy to help yourself feel better physically and psychologically. Healing the effect of trauma can help you live the kind of life that you want.
- See more at: http://highability.org/3-things-to-learn-from-the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo-a-gifted-trauma-survivor/#sthash.xL96BMf9.dpuf
trisha9054
Everywhere I've ever worked I was told I was unique.I used to hate that word because it meant I was different. I'm a problem solver but I'm also very quiet. I know that those spur of the moment decisions I had to make were good ones. I always walk my own path not someone else's. I sometimes feel I am swimming against the current.
deleted_user
I always felt like I was like a car with the timing belt not working properly . . . somewhat misaligned, never fitting in, always on the sidelines looking in . . . .always felt burdened down by the struggle to survive (both for myself and for my children)/ Then in my 50s and 60s something changed. I learned how to make friends . . . worthy, trusted friends who truly care for me and enjoy my company, thoughts, and opinions. Who knew . . . life is wonderful . . . full of joy and wonderment. I have always been a survivor . . . now I am a thriver. The difference is unbelievable.
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