Hi

Tonight I ended a five year relationship with a guy who I believe to be a covert narcissist! I just got to the point where I couldn't handle the circular - going nowhere -arguments anymore, that just drain your energy and chip away at your self esteem. 

For months I've been telling him things are not right between us but hes ignored me everytime, then after a particularly bad argument, he has given me the silent treatment until he is ready to talk, and then he spins me the very same lines that I have been saying to him for months. He said 'If things don't change then we should break up' So I gave it him with both barrels and finished up my onslaught by calling time on his half assed interpretation of a romantic relationship.

The warning signs have been there for a while, I just didn't want to admit them to myself. 

He is 46 years old man and still living with his parents. Throughout our relationship he spent most of his time here in my house where he can smoke weed and do pretty much what he wants without the rules of his parents house but he never wanted to officially move in. But he was happy spending all his free time here when he wasn't at work until he started telling me how to do this and that, correcting my sentences, trying to one-up me all the time, lying about things he's said (denying all knowledge of saying them), text flirting with a woman at work and when being found out he said 'I've done nothing wrong - nothing happened between us'. Getting hm to have some accountability for the things he has done just ends in a million and one excuses. The list of issues is endless! From comparing me to his ex girlfriend, to never being able to hold a conversation without reverting it to something about himself. His eyes glazing over when I talk about things I love - music, places ive been, people i've met along the way etc .. hes not interested in any of it!

My family live in the most beautiful place along the Causeway Coast of Ireland .. hes the ONLY person I've ever met who is unimpressed with it (seriously) - he's been twice in five years. I get the feeling that he is a bit envious because he has lived in the same small town all of his life under the wings of his parents and doesn't have the balls to go out and take life by the horns. Instead of embracing new experiences, he feels threatened by anyone who has done better, travelled further, has a better job, etc etc hes an empty vessel.

We were meant to be going away this weekend to try and sort things out. He is incessantly late for everything, he leaves everything to the last minute and then rushes around in a foul mood blaming everyone but his own laziness. I booked and payed for the hotel but when I told him, he didn't seem keen. I reeled off some of the things we could do while we were there and he was saying things like 'if it isn't raining' 'if it isn't too sunny as I burn' .. then he said that his boss wanted him to work overtime on one of the days off but it would be okay as he would drive down a bit later. This is the first time he has ever mentioned doing any overtime.

All of this ended with me cancelling the bookings and telling him that things are not working out between us and that I'd rather be friends. I feel relieved in a lot of ways but it's a really bitter sweet feeling. I feel like I've been used and strung along but at the same time glad to be free of the drama. I'm still second guessing myself as to whether I've over reacted but it feels a lot like PTSD - I
 guess I just need some affirmation that I hve indeed done the right thing! 

How do discarded narcissists behave, ive heard some real horror stories - bearing in mind that he is a covert narcissist - he doesn't strke me as the stalker type. Although one night I did find him sitting in my garden in the dark .. the expression on his face startled me - so maybe he is. (who knows?)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!