My Spouse Wants to Divorce I Dont Community Group
I wanted our marriage to work out so much, but we have been separated for many years he doesn't want to come back home ever again!
I am sick over this break up. I am still trying to decide if this is permanent. He comes back to me every few days and tells me he loves me and he thinking about coming back. Is that enough for me to go on? I think I am in denial big time!!! I don't want a divorce but is that the only way I am going to get him to make his mind up??? As it is its been 8 weeks since he left. He tells me he doesn't like it at her house, he hates that she smokes, he doesn't like her kids, hates the cats and dogs. All these things on and on. Does he tell me just to appease my depression?? I don't know. I'm back to crying again.
I am a long-time member of the Divorce After 20+ Years board here on DS, but received notice of this new area by another member.
Oh, honey, I have been exactly where you are right now -- it has been almost 10 years, but I will never forget the pain and agony of it. We had been married 23+ years and had lived together for 6 years prior to that, so it was a huge portion of my life. It knocked me completely off my feet and if it weren't for my therapist and a handful of true blue friends, I seriously doubt I would have gotten through it. But I did. And lived to tell about it.
The only way you are going to be able to clear your thoughts is time, distance and no contact. You don't say if your H has moved out of your home, but it sounds like he's got another woman on board. If THAT'S the case, you've got to set some boundaries in order to protect yourself -- both emotionally and financially.
I would strongly advise you to post this discussion over on Divorce After 20+ Years regardless of the length of your marriage. We are an extremely cohesive group over there -- all of us have been through or are going through -- exactly what you describe. And I'm not the only "long-timer" there! I stumbled upon the group in 2008 -- 18 months after the Divorce from Hell was finally final -- and have maintained a presence ever since to be LIVING, BREATHING PROOF that there IS life after divorce - and a darned good one, at that!
I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo
I haven't been able to do the no contact. It still is very painful that he is living with OW. I contact him via phone or text every other day or so. I try no contact but something always comes up. It's only been 8 weeks and I still feel like were married. I guess until this divorce goes through I want the contact. I know its dysfunctional but I cannot handle much more right now.
thanks again.