I am so sorry about your son. I don't have the emotional energy to share my story right now but I wanted to share some thoughts. I think that crying is good therapy when you can. I really could not cry for years although I would try so I could have some emotional release. Now that some of the stress of helping my children has diminished I find myself crying easily at home. I don't dare think about it at work or other public places because I may cry. I wish I had gone to therapy. My children were helped a lot by therapy but none was really offered to me. I felt out of the loop a lot. They really overdo the "privacy" of children who are in therapy, I brought my child to them, obviously I know what happened. I would have liked more help in how to help them cope and also how to help myself and my family. We were all impacted by the abuse even though we were not all victims of abuse. I have some resentment about this because now I am in therapy and reviewing the past is so painful. I see ways I could have been better. I am really stuck on that and I feel for my therapist because I don't know when I will be free from those feelings and it seems like I repeat myself a lot in therapy. I guess I wanted to suggest that you look for a counselor who you connect with and try again. It can be helpful. It takes trial and error to find the right one but it is really worth the effort. You may learn some things to look for in your son even though he may not be talking about or evidencing distress, a therapist can help you with him.

I have not forgiven the abuser. I am religious and would like to find the relief that they say forgiveness brings. It is frustrating to hear the voices in my head telling me that I should have more faith in Christ to heal me. I am not ready to do that, maybe processing the story will help. I hope so. The abuser, my father of all people, is dead and probably in hell. I really don't think too much about him. I feel a deep sense of betrayal. I can't even access angry feelings because they are so powerful I am afraid to feel them. The domino affect of his abuse has been deep and he will never know the extent of it.

My kids are out of the house and doing well, making good life decisions so my husband and I are happy for them.. We go to therapy together to process what we have been through. We feel like we are in the aftermath of a tornado and holding the bag of crap and pain everyone else experienced. I guess it's time for us to feel the pain and get it out.

Take care of yourself. I am glad that your son seems to be coping. He may be coping ok. You have believed him and helped him and you were someone he trusted to talk to. That is indicative of a good relationship so you have really helped him a lot to move forward.

Hello,I believe you found our other group that is much more active,but I will reply here.Your feeling are not unusual.I plotted to get back at my daughter's abuser and those who supported him for a long time but eventually the intense anger passed.I disagree with you stopping therapy,crying and letting those feelings out is what must be done.And as those feeling get out and you can talk without crying is when true healing will begin.I think forgiveness is way overrated.We focus on forgiving but I think it comes if and when your ready,I have not forgiven him and it's been about 4 years since disclosure.But instead work on forgiving yourself,even though you are not to blame,not one little bit.Our kids seem to handle this better than we do and with good therapy there is no reason your son can't live a happy life.You will find as much support as you need on the other site,there are very wise and knowledgeable people there.Sending hugs!