I remember having several days in the beginning where I would lay on my bed and wish that I just didn't exist. We have all been there.Take each minute at a time if you have to. Is there a help line in your area that you can call? I did that several times and found it really helped me when I was in crisis moments. It is ok to feel how ever you feel. I struggled a lot with my feelings in the beginning too. A counselor told me that it was ok to feel bad for my husband, to want him to get help, to still care about him. The important thing was that I made sure my kids were safe. I would like to encourage you to read through some of the old posts on this board. Feeling how you do about him is very normal. Keep posting what ever is on your mind. You are not alone.

Hi my3hearts: You are currently in the thick of it! We can all relate to how you are feeling here. The beginning is absolutely horrible, and you don't see how in the world you will get through it, let alone believe that you will one day be ok again. But I promise you, things will shift. Unfortunately, this is a ride with a lot of bumps, twists, and turns and one that feels unending. It truly is an emotional roller coaster. I really want to encourage to allow yourself to feel however you are feeling. This rocked our worlds and it made every single one of question whether we were strong enough to continue taking the hits. This is probably one of the most painful things somebody can go through. Please just hang on. It will get easier, but it will take time. You really have to take this ride one second at a time, be kind to yourself, listen to your body and what it needs, and try to take care of yourself as much as possible.

I used to lay on my bathroom floor and just stare at the ceiling, begging for this to all be over or that I wouldn't wake up the next day. Believe me, we understand here. And I'm so so sorry that you have needed to seek out such a place as this. But we are here for each other. I apologize for my absence lately. Work has been incredibly demanding. Now that I know we have some new people on this board that may require more support, I will log back in more often.

Do NOT feel guilty that you have any type of feelings toward him. It's normal and there is nothing wrong with you. This is traumatic. You feel how you need to feel and don't apologize for it. Please keep coming back here for support. (Hugs) to you my friend.

2day wz a better day!!!!

I'm so glad to hear that!

I am learning that as time goes by, there will be good and bad moments in every day. I am trying to hold on to those good moments as long as I can. Sometimes you feel like you can take on the world, when these moments come, do just that. Take over your world. Other times you feel like you are teetering on the edge of a cliff and holding on to the good moments is what will keep you up. One day at a time my3hearts. We are here for you.

Thank you!!! :) I'm def trying. :)

My tribulation will be 2 years next month, and although I am doing better, my best time of day is when I fall asleep, and my worst time of day is when I wake up in the morning. But as an active Christian, my support has been in the form of Christian friends (only a few know, the others just know that my marriage ended), and the Lord himself. So I advise you to determine who you can trust to tell and know that they will stick by you, get counseling, and turn to the Lord if you are a believer. God Bless You all on this board, we need it.