I went to visit the grave. it was hard to find the actual spot I buried my Moms ashes because I havent bought a head stone yet. I dont have the money. The mortuary put a vase and thats how I found where my Mom is, I put some fake flowers (orange, red, and yellow) my Moms favorite colors. I wrote a note and put it all in the vase. I stuffed the vase with Lily of the valley popourri, so that the flowers would stay secure. I could smell the sweet floery smell of the lily of the valley popourri and sat there and wrote a note and talked to my mom. I asked her to forgive me for everything I did wrong toward her. We used to have arguements. I didnt even like hugging my Mom sometimes. I held a grudge against her about things from the past plus I always thought she wasnt a "good" mother to me. Well..... I wish I had her back. I dont even care if we were arguing, at least she would be here with me. I want to hug her and tell her how much I love her. I adored her when I was a small child. She would tell my sister and I made up stories about 3 goldfish friends. I miss her so much. She helped me with my children when they were small and when I first got divorced, even though her mother had died about a year before my seperation took place. I wasnt there for my mother, when she lost her Mom because I didnt understand how it felt, I do now, unfortunately. It seems everybody avoids me. I dont really have anyone to talk things over with. No one wants to hear some one crying about there mother and sister. Most recently my brother. I thank all of you ladies for responding and helping me through this. I hope I can give good support and a good listening ear to you all. God bless you all. If I didnt have this web site to post thing and to interact with others who have lost their Moms, I dont know what I would do?!?!?