I wrote this journal entry on my profile yesterday, and have decided to copy it on here, I hope it's not too much.

My purpose for putting it up is solely because these are all things that I have learned through sessions with my psychologist and my own personal grief process, since I lost mum. There are many lessons learned that I wish someone could have shared with me earlier on, that might have normalised a lot of what I was feeling, when I felt isolated in my suffering, and didn't know how normal and common a lot of what I was feeling actually was.....

So if it helps anyone here, just one of you, feel more 'normal' in your grief, and less scared and alone, then I am happy to share it. Apologies for the length, but it was a much needed journal entry ;-) All the best xxxx

Grief can make you lose your mind, literally, and this is quite normal..anxiety, panic, terror, depression...are all very common and normal emotions in the grief process...

Grief can make you sick, and this is also very normal..

Grief racks your whole body with pain, and can make you feel like you can't take anymore, and this is normal...and it passes...

Sadness and fear sit in your throat and stomach like a ball of sickness..

Grief is a roller coaster and there is no way off it, you need to ride it to the end..

There is no method, no formula to grief, no one can tell you when or how it will end..but there is an average (statistical) amount of time before things tend to feel a bit easier for many people.....and that is 2 years..

Everyone will lose their loved ones, every single person on the planet, and everyone has to survive it...draw on those around you who have suffered loss and come through it..

The depths of grief, reveal the depths of love you shared with that person, and that love NEVER dies..

Being 'kind' to yourself doesn't mean read a book or take a bath, it means love who you are, love the person your Mother loved so much. Often our inner critic is the harshest and most unkind voice in our lives, quieten it down, and really appreciate and love who you are - this is so important for healing...

We all have the resources within ourselves to survive grief, but we need some peace and quiet to reflect inwards and draw on those resources, trust your intuition...and don't feel guilty or weak for making peace and quiet a priority when you need it...

Grief is temporary, it will pass. I believe we may always feel heartbroken, and sad, and we will always miss our beautiful Mum's. But the bone racking grief that feels unbearable at times.....that is temporary, and does eventually pass...I'm not there yet, but I believe this to be true

The really uncomfortable scary emotions we feel like running away from, anxiety, depression, panic, terror, are all there for healing, they have a purpose, and if we run from them they will get bigger. Often these feelings just need to be allowed to be there, to be processed, and they will diminish. They may have important messages for us - my anxiety was always a precursor to grief...my bodies way of telling me it wasn't coping anymore with holding onto it...

Finally, after almost 2 years of being lost in the memories of Mum's illness and death....finally I have learned and can now remember that I am very much like her, and that makes me happy and connected to Mum in a new way.

There are many things to be grateful for, even in grief..

I love you Mum. My mind cannot process the fact that soon it will be 2 years since you died....You are missed every second of every day. xxxxxxxx