5 months is not a very long time and you've just barely started down your road of grief. I personally don't think it's unusual that you want to pull away from everyone. As for fighting hard to keep it together . . . it's ok to cry and be sad. That's not only normal but expected. And, you just tell your daughter that you are sad and miss your Mom and it's OK to cry. Not to lecture but you yourself gave the reason that you WILL go on. Your 8 year old. Don't let her grow up wondering what happened to her Mother and how she suddenly one day changed and "couldn't keep it together". She her it's ok to grieve, to cry, to love someone so much that you miss them in this way. Keep your Mom's memory alive by talking about her, reminiscing, etc. Keep in touch with this group for as long as you need it. If you're going to lose your computer, find a support group in your area so you can stay in touch with others also going through thise. Most of all just remember to take one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow until it gets here. Wish you well and good luck on this new journey. From one who understands.

wow, yoo cope u have alot to cope with and I hope that her debt will soon be over. I have to say that your being very hard upon yourself and not crying? that's will never do. You MUST cry and SCREAM and YELL and whatever is in your heart. Your hurting and your angry and the sooner you aceppt that the feelings wont be as strong. explain to your girl that if mummy feels sad and cries it's because she misses her mum, you'd be suprised how kids understand, reassure her that grandmar is safe and watching over us when times are hard, call it heaven or spritual garden what you believe in and know that your never alone here, we all have lost, we all are hurt and there's always someone who will help you. One day at a time ok? Love and hugs for a brave lady. xxxxxx

Thank you both for the sage advice. It's why I am here. My world seems still to be changing all the time. This new normal I have is constantly whirling around me. My daughter is now 9 and you'd think she is 30! She is an old soul. I have said that since she was born. You can see in her eyes. She has a tremendous capacity for caring and understanding. She held Mom's hand and sang to her in the ER while the Dr's were assessng her condition. My little girl was there for Grandma, even though Grandma had tubes all over and was completely unresponsive. My baby didn't miss a beat when I told her what was happening, she hugged me and went to Grandma. She told me later that it was because it was what to do. Grandma was there in the room when I delivered Jo and Jo was with Grandma to help us deliver her to God. It's kind of a really peaceful thought now that I look at it differently.
Mom came to work the other day. I know because she left me a couple little things there. When I got to work there was a small white feather sitting in the middle of my desk chair. No one had been to my desk yet and I don't have anything with feathers like that so I didn't carry it in on my clothes. I hadn't even had the chance to sit down before I saw it there. The other thing she left was a moment that was just an overwhelming feeling of peace. It came out of nowhere like a giant hug.
While the rest of this is scary, It will all work out eventually. We're 12oo.oo in the hole each month, but we're finding ways to compensate. Our Mortgage is in the hands of a Christian man who is doing everything he can to work this out so we don't lose the house. We'll pay what's urgent up front and pay down the rest and do what we can. God will provide for our needs and is in the process of wonderful things for our lives. I do know this and I am trying to keep it in mind. Thank you for being here when I lose track of it.
<3

Its been 3 and 1/2 years since I lost my sweet mom. I still have moments when I can't believe it's true. I thought it would get easier (with time passing) but actually, the more time that goes by.... the more I miss my mom.
She died of colon cancer in 07. I wanted to hug her while she was very ill, but didn't. I think she didn't want to let me know (since we were best friends) that she was going to die, and she knew I didn't want to acknowledge that she was going to die.

I'd love to go into all the details and will soon. It's been such a long time since I've been on the website. I understand your pain completely.

Just keep praying... God is walking next to you every day.... Debbie T.S.

Thank you for posting this Debbie. I can completely understand what you mean. I miss her more each day, not less and I don't know how I am ever going to get past that.
The holidays seem impossible to bear. I have to forge on though for my daughter. She's 9 and still believes in Santa. I forced myself to buy 4 strands of multi colored Christmas lights and I brought home the 3 lighted trees I bought for her room so we can decorate some. I refuse to put up outside lights this year. I can't afford my husband to fall off the roof and kill himself. The way this year has gone I am taking no chances.
Praying to find the spirit.

I can relate to "beaniesgirl" the only reason I put up the tree this year is because my adorable 11 year old grandson.