Hi angela1932. You said exactly what I am feeling and I was my moms caregiver too. Oh how I miss her. It is the worst pain ever. It will be 1 year this new years eve. I am struggling in every direction in life. I am depressed and have bad anxiety. Started a new job and I don't know is I can handle it all. I want my mom she wass the only one who really knew me. I miss her so much. I died right along with her that night. The holidays are too much. Prayers and hugs to you and please no you are not alone. Xoxo

angela1932 you have just barely scraped the surface. It's not even been 2 years. It will get better. You have to allow yourself to feel all the pain, sadness, anger and all the other emotions that go with the grieving process. Your mother is with you everyday. You are a part of her. Slowly you will be able to function. This time next year you will be doing better than today. This is a marathon. It's been 29 years for me. Most days are just fine. There are still days it feels like yesterday. That's never going to stop, but you will be able to handle it. Come here anytime you need to post.....we're here

Thank you for your support. I'am alone now with no living relatives and I didn't have any children,so it makes it feel worse with no connection. I work at a company right now with 2 other emplyees and they have no concept of the pain I go through and just say time to get over it. Some days are better then others,but some days I can't even function. Since I was my Mother's care taker and she was like a child to me,it feels like my soul has left my body and Iam just a shell. I find no purpose or meaning in anything,I just do what I have to do to get through a day. Two good friends I had have drifted away,one moved to Arizona and the other is very much involved with her daughter and grandson. My boyfriend and I have also drifted very very very far apart,only to talk once a month.Thank you for listening and understanding my emotions.

Angela- I recommend getting a cat or dog. Its so much comfort to have a little creature to care for and to have give you love! Its helped me a lot to have my new dog and my mom has only been gone for 9 months. :-)

Hello Angela:

I'm so sorry for your loss; I know the pain all too well. I, too, lost my mom about 1 1/2 years ago. I'm going through the exact same thing you are. I don't find it to be getting better with time; it's getting worse. The longer it is without her, the more I miss her and yearn and ache for her. I think everyone's journey of grief is personal and different and there's right or wrong way to deal with your mom's passing. I still can barely believe my mom is gone forever. I have bad depression, panic and a sense of "nothingness" without her. Im 52, have no children and was my mom's caretaker after her knee replacement surgery. I've always been so close with my mom; she was my world, my everything. There's no joy without her, no real happiness anymore. I have a nice boyfriend of almost 5 years and I feel sad for him because I'm like the living dead. I try my best but it's all in vain. I lost the person I loved the most and who loved me the most. For me, I don't believe it will ever get "easier". I just think life will go on with this black cloud and huge void that can't be overcome. I'm so sad to hear you have no relatives. That definitely makes it harder. But, I'll tell you this...I have family and very few of them are there for me or care enough to at least respect where I'm at with my pain and sadness. I've come to know that "blood" doesn't make you family. It's the people that love and care about you and listen and sit and take the time to "just be" with you whether in person, on the phone or right here. I care about you and I'm glad to be able to share with you. Please, keep posting or message me. Hang in there, my friend; it's all we can do.

Thank you so much for becoming my friend,its exactly what we both need at this time. You are right in all the say about the empty feeling,its as if you are walking with no legs,the emotional ride Iam on makes me feel like cry and sad then smile and happy when I think of my Mother. I feel her presence in the house and try to make her proud and take care of things the way she would want.If I didn't put that in my mind I would never get out of bed.

I haven't been here for a long while, it feels good to be back. It's been a year and a half for my mom and I thought it would get easier too. It actually seemed that way at the end of year one, but for some reason I'm having more pain and seem to cry more often than I did the 1st year. I think of her more , I don't know if that's normal as we progress, sometimes people assume that because its getting close to 2 yrs you should be feeling lots better. It does help to have a close network of people to talk to. I tend to keep to myself cause I worry about what people think, which I know is crazy. We just have to hold on cause eventually I know the pain will subside, I have many animals which keep me busy and I try to make plans with people to go out and socialize, which is a hard thing for me to do.