Motherless Daughters Community Group
For any daughter who has lost their mother, whether through Death (if it's been one day ago or 40 years ago) or Abandonment, (i.e.-drug abuse, mental illness, physical or emotional abuse, etc.) and is working through the grief process. This group provides unconditional support and understanding from women who have also lost their Moms and who truly care.
My Mom died on 6/21/07 and I find that I sat in anger for a while after her death. She had some serious mental issues going on but our relationship was never what you'd call solid. I couldn't count on her for much and we just didn't seem to understand each other, not truly. In later years, it felt like Dad and I were the parents and she was the child....a major problem child. There were so many times that I was going through turmoil and needed steady parental guidance or presence and couldn't get it from them. I've been lucky enough to have had great friends and parental figures to fill that need but sometimes I have just gotten resentful and fall into victim mode, like I'm doing today.
Strangely enough, this seems to have been brought up secondarily by Dad's mentioning to me that his girlfriend said that maybe she should adopt me!! Her son died a month ago and obviously, she really misses him. But she doesn't expect me to replace him, nor do I expect her to replace Mom. What she does give me, though, is the quiet calmness and reliability I needed from both my parents, not to mention RESPECT! Dad has been also been doing well in knowing what I need and doing his best.
So my mother dies and one of the results is that a good woman comes into Dad's life, and she wants to stay in it. Most amazing of all, I haven't scared her off! If she can tolerate me, she must be a walking saint!
Anyway, I have rambled. My point is to ask if any of you are grieving a mother with whom you had a tenuous or troubled relationship and what you are experiencing in your process.
And, as always, my hugs and thoughts to you for the reasons that we are all here in the first place.
Strangely enough, this seems to have been brought up secondarily by Dad's mentioning to me that his girlfriend said that maybe she should adopt me!! Her son died a month ago and obviously, she really misses him. But she doesn't expect me to replace him, nor do I expect her to replace Mom. What she does give me, though, is the quiet calmness and reliability I needed from both my parents, not to mention RESPECT! Dad has been also been doing well in knowing what I need and doing his best.
So my mother dies and one of the results is that a good woman comes into Dad's life, and she wants to stay in it. Most amazing of all, I haven't scared her off! If she can tolerate me, she must be a walking saint!
Anyway, I have rambled. My point is to ask if any of you are grieving a mother with whom you had a tenuous or troubled relationship and what you are experiencing in your process.
And, as always, my hugs and thoughts to you for the reasons that we are all here in the first place.
I cannot make comment on not being close to your mum, as I was very close to my mum who died 3 months ago.
It appears we go through different emotions and one of the emotions you went through was anger. I didnt experience that.
So I am sorry that I havent helped at all in that respect, but I find it very moving about your Dad and his lady and it is wonderful to read that she is giving you everything you have craved for so long.
I am very happy for you in that respect but also sad that you lost your mum.
Love to you
Sam
Yesterday was just a hard day all around - I should not have been allowed to walk & chew gum, let alone work and be functional! It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, and I couldn't breathe - I was just shredded - it was a month to the day yesterday my mom died, and it was brutally hard. Got some sleep last night, so I'm a bit better today, but still feel a bit wobbly. My brother's best friend lost his mom recently, and he's been a great support (he was an only child, so he was closer to his mom than most men), and he told me last night that as awful as it can be, it does get better - I believe him. Please write whenever you can - the support on this site is PRICELESS, and has been helping so much! I start a local support group next week, and am really looking forward to actually meeting with folks from my area (Seattle, Washington), who also are going thru this agony of grief.
Love to you - REALLY!
- Dawn
She had pretty much checked out (from booze)
I got used to dealing with life --minus Mom. I finished HS...graduated...got married and had my first child...saw Mom maybe 3 or 4 times during all of that.
I am still grieving the loss of my Mother. Not just the fact that she is no longer living....but that I missed out when she was alive.
We loved each other, but it was a hard relationship. Very embattled, and she was as much my child as I was hers.
It is hard now because there is no chance for reconciliation or confrontation. I'm left with a lot of unsettled unfeelings that I have to plow through. I have unresolved anger, and I feel guilty for having it now.
I have to say, though, since her death on March 21, I have appreciated so much more, b/c I want to be able to appreciate all of the things she can't anymore. My children's laughter, blue skies, flowers in bloom, etc.
I do have my moments where I'm a sobbing mess, & scream out for her, & ask God to take away all of this emotional pain.
I have been going through soooo many different emotions, I can't keep track. I feel for you, I pray for all of our emotional healings It's going to take time, but we can do it. I think this group is step one. I'm so grateful for everyone here.