Motherless Daughters Community Group

For any daughter who has lost their mother, whether through Death (if it's been one day ago or 40 years ago) or Abandonment, (i.e.-drug abuse, mental illness, physical or emotional abuse, etc.) and is working through the grief process. This group provides unconditional support and understanding from women who have also lost their Moms and who truly care.

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njgirlaz 10/10/2015

I lost my Mom 6 weeks ago. I am missing her so much and feeling so lost without her. We used to talk or text everyday. She battled numerous health conditions/illnesses for 19 years! First a heart attack and congestive heart failure, then diabetes, then chronic kidney disease. Uterine cancer, breast cancer, skin cancer! Whatever was thrown her way, she would "manage" it and be able to live a pretty active life. Then in late July of this year, her health took a dramatic turn for the worse. She was in the hospital for three weeks, home for two and then passed away. She got pneumonia and that was just too much with her other conditions.

Even though she had these illnesses for many years, she always got better. I actually had a dream last year that she passed away.. and my intuition told me it would be in less than a year. That is another thing that is freaking me out. In the dream she was in the hospital being wheeled away and that was what was happening the last time I saw her. She had a huge mask on her face.. same as the dream.

It is so hard for me to accept that she is gone and I will never talk to her again. It's like she was here one second and now has vanished into thin air. And even though I think I had a premonition this would happen, I still am in shock and can't believe it. Can anyone relate to this? I must sound crazy. (I am 42 and my Mom was 70 when she passed away.)

Also, when I see older women that look like my mom's age or older, I feel so much anger. Why are all these women here and my mom is gone?

Love to all of you that may be reading this. Thanks for reading!

charitylaurel 10/10/2015

I am so sorry for your loss. My Mama died in January of a rare brain disease. We only had 7 weeks with her after diagnosis. Even writing you this email, it doesn't seem real. Maybe we will always feel somewhat lost. I lost a part of my heart when my Mama left. I bet you feel the same. All I can say is that life changes when death comes. You have to be gentle with yourself and just mourn . My grief journey has been so painful and so full of love. I still love my Mama and our love still grows. She is always with me. Your Mom is always with you...my heart hurts for you. I wish I could say something to ease your pain but I know better. Just cry and know that your Mom is at peace and she loves you...I am sending you love. ps: I was 43 and my Mama was only 63:( hug

njgirlaz 10/13/2015

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss, too.. and I feel so badly for you. That must have been such a devastating shock to you, to lose your mom in such a way, so fast. It was so different for me, in a way, because like I said, my mom had been battling various things for years. But the part that I think is similar is how my Mom just all of a sudden took a turn for the worse.. and then she was gone. Half the time it doesn't seem real to me either. I wish I could just see her one more time. It's so hard. I am trying to find out if she is ok where she is... reading all these books on the afterlife. I have one appointment set up with a medium, but it's not until Feb 2016. I feel like I am maybe a little crazy, because I am set on finding out where she is exactly and what she is doing... thank you again for replying. Love to you too! Do you get angry too when you see women in public the same age as your mom, or older?

angela1932 10/15/2015

You aren't crazy. Hurting,in pain,broken. I feel angry towards women who talk about their Mothers and doing things with their Mothers,having their Mothers with them and sharing life with them. I want to say wait until your Mother has passed from this world,you won't feel happy anymore. Your Mother is with you every minute of the day,she protects and watches over,pain free now,Mothers never leave their children. Just talk to her and quiet your mind and she may come to you in a dream. Your Mothers love surrounds you.

charitylaurel 10/18/2015

Hi again:)

I am sorry it took me this long to write back. I think we have a lot of things in common around grief. I totally understand your desire to see how your Mom is. I have the same desire. It has been very painful for me to not have her tell me she is ok. I believe that when our bodies die, our souls keep on living. I believe that the real peace is in the after life. Bit when my Mama died I had to question everything. Yes, I have anger that my Mama died and older women remind me of that. I mostly get blue a lot. I have a hard time being around people right now so I stay home a lot. I feel pretty isolated. Maybe your Mom will visit you in a dream and bring you some peace. I wish that for you. Are you on facebook? if you want to connect there, I am Charity Laurel and live in Portland Oregon:) sending you a hug...gentle as she goes....

njgirlaz 10/24/2015

Hi, Angela1932, Thank you for your response. I feel angry to when I hear my friends talk about spending time with their Moms.. One of my friend's Moms is in her 90's and coming to visit. And I think, how is this fair? Why did my Mom have such a shorter amount of time? I just can't make sense of it. At least I am not walking around the store anymore, wishing all the old ladies were dead! Instead of my Mom. I am passed that, I think! But I still don't like hearing about people's mothers. I hope she does come to me in a dream soon, or I see a sign from her somehow.

njgirlaz 10/24/2015

Hi, Charity Laurel, Thanks for responding again. I believe the same thing, that the soul keeps on living. I just can't comprehend where the souls are.. Can they give us signs? They are pain free, but what are they doing? Can they see us? I have so many questions in my mind.. but mostly I just wish my Mom was still here. Sometimes before I go to sleep I re-read the text messages that went back and forth the last month of her life. Did I say the right things? Was there anything else I could have said or done? It's just so hard. Tomorrow I am going to see her favorite musical with my two daughters. One of the last conversation I had with my Mom was about the musical... How she had to get stronger, so she could go to it. I would like to be Facebook friends with you. I will look for you there. Thank you for being so kind. I am sorry that you are in a lot of pain, like I am. I try to hide it mostly and just carry on with the day, but it will just hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I do just want to be alone because it seems like other people don't get it, even though they think/say they do and also because I don't want to constantly be bringing other people down.

mylovelymom 10/26/2015

I'm sorry for your loss. I wonder too why my Mom who really lived a very healthy lifestyle (never smoked, barely ever drank), always healthy-eating and happy -- why did she get cancer? She was supposed to live to 100. She was 77 when she passed and I guess I should be grateful but I also feel like why not 10 or 20 more years? I see ladies living much longer all the time. I don't feel mad at them, they just make me miss my Mom but somehow it's comforting to me to see women that are old enough to be my mother. And if one of them magically turned into her I wouldn't complain!

njgirlaz 10/29/2015

Thank you, I am sorry for your loss, too. It just doesn't seem fair. I wish I could feel comfort seeing older ladies, but I just feel angry.

charitylaurel 11/05/2015

hi;)

Be gentle with yourself...you are mending a broken heart and that takes time. You have the right to feel whatever comes up. Making music a part of your connection to your Mom sounds healing...This is your path right now and you deserve all the tenderness, love and compassion in the world..Your Mom knows how much you love her,. I understand the questions ....I just follow my heart and find Mama their...(tears) sending you a hug

njgirlaz 11/05/2015

Hi, You are so sweet. I am so sorry you are going through this too. It is just so hard. Now I feel like my whole grieving process is on hold because my Dad is critically ill in icu. I am praying he will survive. Seeing him this way is so awful. And now I wish my Mom was here more than ever. :(

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