I can't understand why food has such control over my life... It's cyclical for me. When I was a child I ate to cover up some feelings of sexual abuse from a cousin which caused me to be about 120 lbs in the 3rd grade and that went on through 6th grade, then I started getting made fun of because of my weight, you know how mean junior high school kids can be, and I ate to cover up the insecurities I had from being fat, and now I'm fat because I go to food for comfort and I go to food for comfort because I'm fat. Even when I dieted and cut foods out I was always thinking about food and I may have lost a little bit of weight but I always gained it all back plus some.

Food controls my life. I think about it everyday, all day long. Even if I'm not hungry I think about what I could have for my next meal or what I enjoy to eat. I'm so frustrated about it. There is a guy that sits next to me at work and he always talks about all the bacon he eats and how for the last several years he has eaten a ton of bacon and meat and how he eats all the time. You think he's big? Not at all. He talks and thinks about food all the time too, so what's the difference between he and I? I just don't get it.

Even right now, I am hungry and I have been thinking about food since the moment I woke up, but I haven't even had breakfast yet, because I'm scared to eat. All the food is going to do is add more fat to my body.

I know what I need to do... change my view of food. But how do I do that without gaining more weight?