First off, if you can tell that these men you meet are attracted to you, I wouldn't assume that they are embarrassed by your weight. After all, if your weight was something horrible in their minds, they wouldn't be attracted to you in the first place! There are men out there (contrary to popular belief!) who only look at the person as a whole and love who you are, in total - including your weight. I know I am very lucky to be married to one who sees me as a beautiful person and isn't embarrassed by my weight. I don't know much about eHarmony itself, but dating sites are a mixed bag. If you join, you will need to be resilient, because you most likely will encounter people who are ignorant or just uninformed and may judge you purely based on your weight. On the other hand, you will probably meet some very genuine, wonderful people as well. I don't know whether eHarmony takes into account a person's desire to meet others regardless of physical appearance (e.g. men for you to meet who won't care about your weight but will just be looking at you as a person). I know my best friend uses match.com and has met a man she intends to marry, but prior to meeting him she went on umpteen zillion dates - some horrible, some great. Most of the dating sites allow you to converse with your potential date beforehand, so that may give you insight into what type of person you're dealing with and allow you to avoid some idiots that might reject you due to weight. I think if you join, you have to do a fair amount of work (dating) to find your "perfect" match, and if you are worried about rejection (for any reason, not just weight) you will need inner reserves of strength. If you are ready for that, give it a go! You never know, you may meet someone wonderful right away. xx Elienne

I totally agree with SunCat. It's not going to be easy to find that "perfect for you" person. But, it can either be fun or hard work, depending on how you look at it. I guess some of that is also on how others look at you. I certainly wish you the best of luck in what you choose to do!!! We all deserve to find that one special person. Please let us know what you decide to do and how it goes!!!!

love & hugs,
Charlene

See... What you have both said is one reason why I am afraid that I will be single for the rest of my life. Because I am very set in my ways, I have a routine and I don't even know if I can bend enough for a relationship, but I want one. I know that I am not one of those people who can be single and be ok with that, at least for the rest of my life. I'm fine being single right now, but there are times that I long for that intimate (not just sexual) relationship with a man. I guess that I'm just unsure of how to really be in a relationship after being on my own for so long. And even though I have only been divorced for 1 1/2 years, I have really been on my own for much longer.
And when I mentioned that those men might be embarrassed by my weight I guess I should clarify. Regardless of who men are attracted to, there are a lot of men who are very influenced by society and the media and who "they" say are desirable women. I call those types of guys "closet bbw admirers." So even if they are attracted to me, they are not strong enough in who they are to go against what most people around consider acceptable. It kind of makes it hard that Colorado is in the top 10 skinniest states. I am far from really fitting in here.

There are men out there who love us bbw! Unfortunately, they are few. Most men like the anorexic type. What you are going to need to do is to find a way to remain true to yourself and yet at the same time be a little flexible in what you are looking for. Fear is your biggest hold up I think, and I'm not trying to fault you. You have reason to have that fear. Keep working on being the best you that you can be!! I'll just bet there is someone out there just for you. The hardest part is finding him and also figuring out how to find him.

Remember, first we must love ourselves for who we are. That includes all the good and the bad. The rest will fall into place! Don't try to hard on finding that "perfect" man. No such man exists. Concentrate on you!!! Don't fall into the media trap yourself. You are a beautiful person just the way you are!!!

I don't think all men like skinny women. I believe that confidence in who you are is more attractive. Being honest about your size from the beginning is the best bet. If some men are that shallow that size is more important then do you really want them any way? Perhaps sounding out those men that you feel are attracted to you and asking for their honesty in how you come across might be a good starting point. I wish you luck in your quest.

Oh gosh, that's the difference between you and me, Caruth... you want it and I don't (except on special occassions like Christmas Eve, the loneliest night of the year, but the other 364, aint worth it, lol.) I've been content with just a "special friend" who knew how to go home over the years, wouldn't mind finding someone like that again... but it IS a toss-up... I hope you find someone who loves YOU no matter what... then they won't sabatoge you as you lose weight in an effort to keep you at his idea of your most desirable size.