I messed up and gave my ex the opportunity to kick me out and keep our 2 year son and 10 month old daughter. I last seen them October19th. It's so traumatic and overwhelming that I feel like i have been slowly processing it little at a time. They live in Az and I had to find my way to Ut with no money,no car and no phone. It was so unbelievably horrible. The betrayal along with absence of my babies is soul crushing. I feel numb and like this world is something I never dreamed possible. Anyways some days seem hopeful but mostly I hate everything and only want to escape my reality. I wish most nights I would not wake up the next morning.its going to be years before I see them again. That time taken forever is so hard to endure...