married over 30 years Community Group

For everyone who was married over 30 years and is now going through separation/divorce.

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cbsouthern 07/23/2015

I am new to this group and am hoping to find support and help while going through the most difficult period of my life. I was married at the age of 16 and have been with this man for 40 years. Out of the blue I received a text message that stated, "I'm done, I want a divorce". There had been no problems in our marriage,(that I knew of), no arguing, fighting, infidelity, nothing, just out of the blue. He states he will always love me, and wants to remain "friends". He has filed for a Fl. simplified divorce. I have had to close my business and move to another town into our 2nd home. I am so confused and hurt, after 40 years of marriage, raising 5 children, working towards our future, I feel I have just been tossed out. He is acting as though none of this is bothering him in the least, while I am sitting here in shock still. I received this text message on June, 26th 2015 and already have a court date for final of Aug 12,2015. I have tried to ask him to go to counseling, or at least talk about it, he refuses and says, "I just want to be happy, (but cannot tell me why he is unhappy or what it is he is looking for). After 40 years how do I cope with all of this?
Thanks
Carrie

bmckenzie99 08/13/2015

I am so sorry. The pain is so deep and you probably can't even look into the future. After 6 years, I still don't want to be divorced, even though I asked for it. I was diagnosed with an illness when I asked for the divorce and I just wasn't in my right mind. Everybody says take it one day at a time and get a therapist to help you. I will keep you in my thought and prayers.

trofelmik 09/04/2015

Hello.....WOW>>>so sorry to hear that you have been dealt such an awful hand....40yrs is a long time and I kind empathize. I have been married for 30yrs this August. My husband did cheat for a number of years and I found out about it on the day of my Mothers funeral, so my emotions were already in a state of shock. I kept the marriage going for the sake of the kids, however haven't been happy for the past 5yrs. I am ready to tell him that I want to separate and see where it goes from there. Just want to be happy again, because the trust is no longer there and I have no feelings toward him. We are not intimate and I feel that we are just living a marriage of convenience. I wish I could give you a big hug....and it would I do believe that if you knew the reason for your husbands decision, I suppose it might help with some of the pain, but definitely not all of it. Especially when you feel that nothing was wrong during the 40 yrs. I thought the same.....and my husband told me he felt unappreciated...which I thought was a big farce...however, those are feelings he had and of course I thought maybe I did do something wrong to warrant his behavior. I did however come to realize that he chose that behavior and it was in no way my fault.....communication would have most likely solved his infidelity. It is extremely hard to deal with and hard to cope. I am confused and scared as to whether or not I should bring up the fact that I haven't been happy and want to separate because of the things we have together. ....It is an awfully big decision...however...I do believe my happiness is worth it.

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