Hello...I am new here.  I don't think I would consider myself a bad person but over the 18 years my husband and I have been together I have lied to him.  It's all stupid stuff and I have recently come to understand why it has started and continued.   I am afraid of conflict.  I am a pleaser and a fixer when it comes to people I love.   I would rather tell a stupid lie then fight with my husband.  Now it's time to stop.   Our marriage is at a breaking point and my family means the world to me.  There are more issues then just this but this is my issue.   My husband wants to see a change immediately and know how it will be done.  I told him I am doing my best but the fear I have right now with his anger is overwhelming for me because I never know his mood or how it will be received.  I wish this was that easy for me and that I wouldn't do it.  He also says extremely hurtful things like it has been bred into me and calls me by my maiden name along with curses at me now and puts me down and is insulting.   In 18 years, this has been the absolute worst 8 weeks of my life and this past week has been extremely brutal and emotionally heart breaking.  It just hurts me to know that I have finally admitted this is a problem and I am starting to work on it but it is hard and even harder when you have no support.   I know he is mad and he should be but didn't we say for better for worse.  Why does he have to say that the last 18 years have been miserable and he should have left a long time ago.   Where do I start..