Lying Community Group
For those who have very deep problems that associate them to lie to those that they love and know. If this is one of you, please join.
I am an 82 year old man who has spent 30+ years of a marriage lying and covering up. Interestingly, I am a retired physician and most of my lying and covering up has to to with health and medical problems. The primary target of my lies has been my wife. There is no drug addiction or infidelity involved. Seems like everyone (except my wife) thinks I am Mr. Nice Guy. My wife accuses me of being a linear thinker, and she is probably right. My career was spent as a radiologist - where, in a sense, everything is black and white. I am finally coming to grips with my problem, but I need help in mending my relationship with my wife. Other than stopping my lying, which I am working on, I don't know what to do. She thinks, understandably, that since I have lied to her for so long, why should she believe that I am going to stop now.
My wife and I are working on rebuilding the trust. It's taken a while for me to understand and accept what I've put her through. I get it now and so I try to ensure I show her every day that I'm thinking about it and trying to be a better man.
I point out when I've acted differently and have avoided lying because I understand that it may not be obvious to her. I also point out the circumstances that historically would have caused me to lie. It feels difficult to do as I have to sit with the discomfort it causes (my biggest trigger was to avoid such feelings) but it's helping her and so that's all that matters.
I guess the point is I have to put her first in every situation. If I lie I'm putting myself first. I was in denial about that fact before I accepted I had a problem with lying. . I always told myself I lied to protect others and that was without doubt the biggest lie of all. I only ever did it to protect myself.
I don't know if this is helpful to you. I hope it is. I wish you every success in getting to grips with it all