Oh man, I so hear you on this subject! I am dating someone but he's living in another city temporarily and has been consumed with custody issues with his kids lately, looking for work, finding a new place to live and I'm just feeling like I'm not getting enough. And while that may be true, my obsession with it is driving me insane. I've let it fuel my feelings of loneliness, especially during the holiday season...had a wonderful moment of "omg, I'm home alone on New Year's Eve!" lol.

For me, I've always been so focused on others, it feels like a void to not have someone in my life to focus on, to spend time with, to occupy my time with and this means I'm left alone, with me and my feelings and that's just not fun sometimes. I've also relied on others for my self-esteem, self-worth most of my life, like I need that mirror to reflect who I am so that I know I'm okay. When really, all alone, I know I'm okay, all on my own, just as I am, more than good enough and even if I'm alone on Valentine's Day (and New Year's Eve yet again), I will be fine.

I hope I didn't go on too long, I read your thread here and felt like someone had taken a little piece of my brain and posted it.

You are so right...when you're not looking for it, love will come to you!

I so relate to your whole reply.Whats wrong with being in a relationship where we make each other feel good, feel whole? I KNOW I am a fun, good person. I don't need to be told that. But it is nice to hear, nice to know someone else thinks that too!
I hope we can talk soon.

You're right, what is wrong with being in a relationship where each person makes the other feel good, feel whole? I guess for people like us is that we need that relationship to feel good about ourselves, we need it to feel whole and if we don't have it, we don't feel good about ourselves, we feel like we're missing a part of ourselves. Someone said on another thread that they just want to crawl into their significant other's arms and not move for a year and I sighed and daydreamed about a scenario like that with my guy....what's wrong with that? I guess that desire is not bad, not wrong, just for me I see that and nothing else, no one else, I want to drown myself in him and while my awareness of what I want and how unhealthy it is for me is good, it scares me to want that so much.

I too know that I am an amazing person, I am beautiful both inside and out and it is such an incredible feeling to hear that from someone else, it's almost heady. I guess for me, it's about finding that balance of being able to not let him saying those words intoxicate me so much but allowing myself to accept the compliment and the feelings that accompany it; all without being devastated when he doesn't call me all day or doesn't spend what I deem is "enough" time with me. It's never enough and while I know some of that is circumstantial, I also know that part of it is my desire to lose myself in someone else again so that I know I'm loved.

It is a daily struggle. I think it is a struggle even when you've reached a point of being recovered, in full recovery....like alcoholism, drug addiction, any physical disease, it takes regular, healthy maintenance and work to continue to remain healthy and sober.

You struck a lot of chords in me. (I'm a chello in my other life!) I am finding that balance you talked about. But I'd rather be in love. And I miss calling my someone during the day just to say hi, and guess what happened at the job!But I don't really agree with the addiction analogy, you think it is an addiction of itself? I have felt I was addicted to a girl before though. Like I needed her to love me. That was a really crappy time. I wouldn't see her for months and she would call and BANG!, I was right back in that old bad feeling. I think she knew it and used it to feel good about herself.
I usually feel good about myself. A lot of times I wonder why I can't find a girlfriend. But I've realised how much I have isolated myself. Too busy, Don't feel like going out, etc. And I find I have a lot of trouble being fun when I am tired. My brain just doesn't process fast enough to be entertaining or just participate in some conversations. But thats me, hopefully not you too.
So are you Annie roxx because you rock or because you live in a quarry?

I hear you and I think that we're doing well considering that we're able to see what our issues are, can identify what we're doing wrong and realize what's really going on in our relationships. I've got a ton going on in my life that keep me from putting myself out there even to make more friends, imagine even if my guy could spend more time with me it would be more like evenings at home, quietly enjoying one another's company, which sounds heavenly.

I don't think just because we have an ideal and long for it means that we're addicted to love, you explained the issue very well in your last message in regards to your previous relationship. I know myself, I'm addicted to the high of the initial "honeymoon" period and freak out, panic, feel like things are coming to an end when that starts to fade, when that's really the meat of the relationship, when things really get deep and interesting.

I'm Annieroxx because my nickname is Annie (or Ann) and my middle name is Roxanne. :)

Take care!

I always hear that if you have a problem do something to fix it. But finding a girlfriend is difficult. If I go out looking, I feel like I'm on the prowl and so do any women I talk to. But just getting out and socializing, well, it takes money I don't really have and friends I don't really have either. So, even though I am tired of being alone, I don't do anything about it. Lately, my life has been all about work and paying bills. I haven't played guitar, worked out or anything in a week or more.
Last week I deleted my profile on dating sites. That's a fools game. Old pictures, driving for miles for a let down. grrr

I hear you, I'm in the process myself of rebuilding my network of friends. I only have a handful right now and none of which I'd share my truest, darkest self with, lol. I have trust issues, so when I've been burned, I tend to isolate on a global level.

I think it's so important to find and develop and cultivate a group of friends with whom you can be your genuine self. Easier said than done, I know. I'm hoping to start attending a couple of support groups soon, just to get that ball rolling.

I understand your need to get off the dating sites, I've always felt that when you're really looking for something, it's going to elude you...but I think we've talked about that before.

Take care, I hope you find your balance again. Life's not fun and we don't feel good when we stop doing for ourselves, whether that's nourishing our spirit, taking care of our body or enjoying our hobbies.

I have been finding really great people to befriend right here on DS. I wish some of them lived closer. We would have so much fun. And yes, I am finding myself again. Feeling like I have control of my life and and more comfortable and confident.

hi! I'm new here! I am the same way when it comes to guys! I was actually sitting with myself a few nights ago and realized I am so consumed with finding someone. The more I look the more it doesn't happen. I've even stayed in relationships just because I was happy to have someone but scared to be alone. So I'm on a mission to put a positive spin on my life story and work on being happy being me. I really really know it's true that until you fully love yourself you won't be able to love someone else. I've been searching outside of myself for happiness even though I know I must go within. So it's been so hard but I'm taking it one day at a time! I want to be more comfortable with being me! Cause I love me and I want to love me even more!

use to feel that way im ok now and dont want that void in the pit of my stomack again

Update ... I don't feel that need like I used to. I still get lonely though. Its at its worse when something really good happens. I just want to share it! But I have been feeling more happy to be who I am. My self esteem is much stronger now. I feel like I am doing the self realization I should have done years ago.

I just worry a bit about the part 'where we make each other feel whole'.Do you work on yourself?