LOVE ADDICTION Community Group
This forum will help all who wish to recover and gain some tools to be able to cope and deal with the issues stemming from our emotional problems that are hurting our relationships on a day to day basis...The relationship with ourselves as well as others...The solution is here for the taking..
No date in about a year and a couple friendships sort of developed those "rush" feelings for me in the last few months when I thought they were interested, it turned out they weren't and I used the tool from Greg Behendt's book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" and do the 60 day no contact "hetox" which helped. The problem is in me, and certain people trigger this feeling of wanting to "merge" with someone, not knowing healthy intimacy.
Yesterday a trigger - attention from a guy at a coffee shop. I thought he was way out of my league, just a real together looking guy kind of looking and I was smiling and all that rush, and as I left he asked how I was, if I was leaving. When I said yes he said "why?" and looked hurt and I said "see you later". Like usual this week, I went back today, but my focus had shifted to "him" and he wasn't there today. I'm having a hard time letting go that I am too shy and was totally not prepared for this interest in me and that I didn't "pursue" it which I used to make a hobby of. Opportunities don't pop up because my lifestyle is so different, I am not so much "out there" as I used to make of habit of being. Yeah maybe it would be nice to date someone I'm drawn to, but how am I going to meet anyone if I'm so shy / self conscious / and get so obsessed?
I'm seeing even if there were more to this "connection" it wouldn't make the "crave" for more lessen. It's in me - it's an addiction to the rush of possibility.
I'd resolved to a long celibacy - it's been almost a year for me. After yesterday I started to fantasize. I realize I used to be very casual. I've been sober about 5 years so the old behavior doesn't appeal to me. I don't have normal healthy experience with romantic dating. I've been celibate for the majority of my sobriety, but not yet in any SLAA type of program. Learning about addiction and love addiction helps me learn more about what I go through that I have kept so private and struggled with since childhood / preteen age.
Just some thoughts. Learning about addiction, it is not getting the "more" I'm craving - more interaction, more involvement, more confirmation that I am desirable by someone desirable to me. All those "rewards" don't really satisfy.
This morning I thought about connecting with my higher power and how that is away to lessen this ache.
Yesterday a trigger - attention from a guy at a coffee shop. I thought he was way out of my league, just a real together looking guy kind of looking and I was smiling and all that rush, and as I left he asked how I was, if I was leaving. When I said yes he said "why?" and looked hurt and I said "see you later". Like usual this week, I went back today, but my focus had shifted to "him" and he wasn't there today. I'm having a hard time letting go that I am too shy and was totally not prepared for this interest in me and that I didn't "pursue" it which I used to make a hobby of. Opportunities don't pop up because my lifestyle is so different, I am not so much "out there" as I used to make of habit of being. Yeah maybe it would be nice to date someone I'm drawn to, but how am I going to meet anyone if I'm so shy / self conscious / and get so obsessed?
I'm seeing even if there were more to this "connection" it wouldn't make the "crave" for more lessen. It's in me - it's an addiction to the rush of possibility.
I'd resolved to a long celibacy - it's been almost a year for me. After yesterday I started to fantasize. I realize I used to be very casual. I've been sober about 5 years so the old behavior doesn't appeal to me. I don't have normal healthy experience with romantic dating. I've been celibate for the majority of my sobriety, but not yet in any SLAA type of program. Learning about addiction and love addiction helps me learn more about what I go through that I have kept so private and struggled with since childhood / preteen age.
Just some thoughts. Learning about addiction, it is not getting the "more" I'm craving - more interaction, more involvement, more confirmation that I am desirable by someone desirable to me. All those "rewards" don't really satisfy.
This morning I thought about connecting with my higher power and how that is away to lessen this ache.
There's the snaffoooo.....how do you find self aware individuals who believe in growing a healthy relationship based on best practices (research based and practice proven) interaction ?
But when you find that person who is, and whom you are drawn to ....go for it. And learn about the pitfalls of love addiction and have a plan for identifying, and re-routing the explosion of triggers, and other reactions and old patterns which cause deterioration of relationships. We all need people and community. And if having a romantic partner makes you happy there should be no reason not to have one ...the trick is to find the balance.
I can only give advise. I am still learning myself. :) I can share what I've learned and heard only.
Love your avatar pic!
The relationships are practice and each time it is growth and i learn something different...
I also believe that you cant aviod people either, then i would not be able to use the tools i have gained along the way to achieve a different result..
For me there is a middle ground between being addicted and being an aviodent...
thats where the balance lies!!
Once i am in it i today have a choice to act on old behaviors or to go the uncomfortable way and achieve a different result...
sometimes i win and sometimes i fail...such is this disease!!