LOVE ADDICTION Community Group
This forum will help all who wish to recover and gain some tools to be able to cope and deal with the issues stemming from our emotional problems that are hurting our relationships on a day to day basis...The relationship with ourselves as well as others...The solution is here for the taking..
Today at counseling she told me if I don't decide to stay away from him in the next month then the counseling is not helping me and I'll have to take a break from counseling. It is a Domestic Violence agency. She knows the relationship involves domestic violence (no physical) and doesn't think it is the best choice to stay. The last few sessions I just tell her I feel stuck. I said I realize if I work an Al Anon program I have some hope to deal with this repeating issue of feeling stuck with someone who needs help. He needs so much help, and is getting worse. He is so sick and has such serious issues and he isn't addressing them, and I feel responsible like I am something in his life that is happy, yet our relationship is sometimes just miserable. So I cried. I am not good at decisions. I turned it over to God, let HIM decide. Between my counselor or him? And I am having a tough time.
Tomorrow is his bday and I had offered lunch, and not felt right about it. So I left him a message that I love him but I am not comfortable with all his issues he needs help with and is not getting; from his counselor, psychiatrist, doctor, meetings, and I can't help him, and I am tired of feeling responsible for him and I need Al Anon and he is an adult and I need him to stop and let me take care of myself and I am scared to have him in my car and take him to a restaurant because of his temper. Last time a few days ago I wouldn't take him home because he was making threats to damage property at the restaurant. This is so hard to admit. I was so mad he wanted to take me out to tell me something and it was private about sex and I got so upset, it was so inappropriate.
is truly sick and was told he may have cancer months ago and hasn't seen a doctor since, losing more weight, having some awful issues, and relapsed a couple times, and he admitted he's suicidal and his counselor didn't have much to say and his psychiatrist doesn't take enough time with him, and he won't share in his AA meetings. ENOUGH! I CANNOT Save him. He's said he's waiting for his insurance. I don't know. Counselor said I'm keeping him from getting the help he needs by trying to help. I see her point. And I am creating more animosity between us from going round and round with him with the insanity, lies, and reacting in hurt and anger...
OK so why do I stay? There is genuine love there (if you can call it that. Mutual dependence? I don't know). But I do feel stuck in the guilt of the caretaking role, and I also think of the times when it is good and we do connect and get along, and I also feel obligated because of how close we've become with knowing eachother intimately in personal details. So. I NEED to turn it over to God, PERIOD.
Anyway I need help. It is not his problem that I feel stuck with him. Sometimes it is good between us. And I truly don't know what I'll do in the next month.
Tomorrow is his bday and I had offered lunch, and not felt right about it. So I left him a message that I love him but I am not comfortable with all his issues he needs help with and is not getting; from his counselor, psychiatrist, doctor, meetings, and I can't help him, and I am tired of feeling responsible for him and I need Al Anon and he is an adult and I need him to stop and let me take care of myself and I am scared to have him in my car and take him to a restaurant because of his temper. Last time a few days ago I wouldn't take him home because he was making threats to damage property at the restaurant. This is so hard to admit. I was so mad he wanted to take me out to tell me something and it was private about sex and I got so upset, it was so inappropriate.
is truly sick and was told he may have cancer months ago and hasn't seen a doctor since, losing more weight, having some awful issues, and relapsed a couple times, and he admitted he's suicidal and his counselor didn't have much to say and his psychiatrist doesn't take enough time with him, and he won't share in his AA meetings. ENOUGH! I CANNOT Save him. He's said he's waiting for his insurance. I don't know. Counselor said I'm keeping him from getting the help he needs by trying to help. I see her point. And I am creating more animosity between us from going round and round with him with the insanity, lies, and reacting in hurt and anger...
OK so why do I stay? There is genuine love there (if you can call it that. Mutual dependence? I don't know). But I do feel stuck in the guilt of the caretaking role, and I also think of the times when it is good and we do connect and get along, and I also feel obligated because of how close we've become with knowing eachother intimately in personal details. So. I NEED to turn it over to God, PERIOD.
Anyway I need help. It is not his problem that I feel stuck with him. Sometimes it is good between us. And I truly don't know what I'll do in the next month.
Your counselor is trying to wake you up, I think, to the fact that you are a volunteer, not a victim.
Drop him like a bag of rocks. You are enabling him. When he cannot use you as his Higher Power, he will be forced to use the right one.
good luck and please start to take suggestions if you want to end this hell we think is normal...
hugs
james
For me I think I need deeper work with this, or else I'll reapeat it with someone else, because this is a very long held pattern for me.
It sounds to me like you are dating my ex husband. This is a very toxic relationship and I had also spent time with a therapist who told me that if I didn't leave the relationship I would end up in a mental institution. He is using manipulation and guilt to seal the deal with you and you have to decide how far you're willing to go? For me, it took 7 months before I realized that I wasn't willing to die for him. Relationships should add to your life, not drain the life out of you. Your therapist is drawing a boundary with you and the thing that comes to mind is that YOU sought out the therapy to help with this relationship...if you are truly wanting help then rely on this therapist and what she is asking of you. It is easier for others to see the relationship for what it is when they aren't the one in the middle of the chaos. I understand feeling stuck, but the truth is that you are choosing to be stuck. Not consciously of course because the guilt runs deep. However, you can consciously choose to get unstuck and take your life back.