Hello all!  I needed to start this group because I know I'm not the only one out here who is married to a depressed/anxiety-ridden spouse.  Mine is a long story but will try to summarize.  Spouse had affair with co-worker.  I found out.  Spouse eventually ended affair after finding out that his 'person' was a criminal.  This was a a few years ago.  During this time, spouse ended up with major health issues.  Those did not resolve and spouse because depressed.  Anti-depressants for around 8 months and a quick weaning.  Spouse ended up angry after weaning and suddenly said "I'm done" and left.  Withdrew a lot of our money from our retirement fund.  I only found out about it because a check showed up at the house.  Spouse didn't like the fact that I always ask questions about time he is leaving work, who might he be texting, etc.  I have tried to be more trustful since the affair ended and the questions have eased up but he has been drinking to mask pain and the whole thing is just a nightmare.  I thought our relationship was improving, I really did.

I truly still love this man but feel abandoned.  I don't know what to tell the kids and I only work part-time. I cannot afford to stay here if he doesn't come back.  I know where he is staying and he IS seeking counseling.  He might call his doctor this week and see if they can give him something else.  He tried to come home yesterday for a bit but is having great anxiety coming here.  I think he is open to couples counseling.  He even suggested I talk to his counselor.  I have made an appointment for a session without him though.  I know that depression does all sorts of crazy things to ones' mind.  I just never expected this.  We have been together almost 25 years.  We try to talk/text but I hear anger in his voice.  He didn't reach out much the first week he was gone and I couldn't help but send many messages (which I now realize probably pushed him away more).  This week he is reaching out more and I'm trying to stay light and not say much.  It's really hard because we were best friends.  I am so lonely.  I want to give him space but I'm afraid that too much space might not bring him home.  It is also so sad that I cannot talk to him or really text him much.  

I found a website that talked about this same issue but there was really no advice.  Any of you dealing with this?  How do you stay sane and keep going?  Thanks for chiming in!  I'd love to hear back.