Lift Me Up Community Group

I wanted to create a place you can come and feel wanted, inspired, and happy. I post a lot of stuff on various topics, much of it motivational and inspiring, and sometimes just humorous. Feel free to contribute anything you feel is helpful to others here and join in. No negative crap please, or politics, check them at the door. Welcome. G

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AmyM2014 01/19/2015

I am sort of venting here but I have valued friends since I was a young child. I do not take it lightly. Sometimes it can be work. And I have mostly succeeded in that area of my life. My bestie and I became friends in 1964 and we have had some fights but we are still very close.
What I don't like about some people is that they give you things you don't ask for, you even say NO, don't do that for me and then they do it and expect something in return or catch a bad attitude towards you after the fact.

I don't operate that way. I gave a friend a car, as she was in a mess and I expect nothing. A friend gave me a drive to West Virginia and I said no I can do that and she got all martyr on me and won't speak to me now. I said thank you and I think that is all I need to say. I also said NO at least once.
Don't give me things and then whine about it when I said no and no thank you and get your panties all in a knot. afterwards.

I am all about gratitude and friendship. That is not friendship, that is about control. I am hurt and don't know what to do with this but I am other than here keeping it to myself.

thislpass 01/19/2015

Amy, she and you just have different internal 'rules' in this area and they have just clashed! She may well be trying to return the favour you have her in the past and doesn't understand why you won't accept it. She may not even be trying to be a martyr, but it is coming across that way because she doesn't know how else to react. You are very altruistic, and many people find that concept hard to grasp. I would have a chat with her after a few days and tell her the way you think in a nice way, so she understands you better. This sort of thing is a common misconception and really just a difference in personal values and beliefs. Hope this helps. G

AmyM2014 01/19/2015

Grant, thank you. I will try to talk to her but I know how she is going to be and it is going be hard.

Here is my point, "I already thanked you for the thing you gave me that I asked you NOT to give me."

Frankly, I should have stood my ground and said No Thank You and totally refused but she got into martyr mode. There is a lot of back story there and I am not going into it here. Family history stuff.

iamstuckanddown 01/19/2015

There is a man here who "borrowed" money from me, told me when he would pay it back, and refuses to. My wife and I went out of our way for him, yet now he has got a bad attitude, told me he was works for Homeland Security in law enforcement and he could just take my disability and my wife's without writ or warrant, pocket the money, never pay it back and (because he works for the Federal government), my wife and I are SOL. So, I am on the end where I have tried to help people and get burned. Yesterday he went to one of my friends (I have been close to this man for a long time) at 10 PM and tried to "borrow" money from him as well. By the way, the jerk that did this, lied about having received a large settlement check and then claimed he was going to "Bless Us". I need our Lords blessings, not this idiot lying, obfuscating and lying to my face. The amount is under $100.00 so I can't sue him in small claims court, but the amount is large enough where we are out of food, and our rent was made late. This took place in November and the trickle down effect from his abuse will not be washed out until Wednesday of this week

I am now very guarded now with my interpersonal relationships with people. I have relationships with people with whom I am doing work, my wife and children and people that I know well at our church. I am Catholic and I usher and do a lot at church. That's enough of me around. As long and drawn out as this response has been, you will find it hard to believe that I don't talk this much in the real world. The reality is I don't, and I keep to myself. It is better for me and everyone around me.

moresmiles 01/19/2015

I have a good friend like this too. We'll do anything and everything for each other. But she sometimes offers to help and it comes with a price tag. She marks it on her mind's list and holds it over me, forever! I've learned and just stop her from going out of her way any more. I don't want to feel indebted. I try to make sure we stay even.

Now, her sister was also my good friend. We were soooo close. After she was married she became distant. She moved and had a baby that I don't even know. He's 12 now. Sadly whenever she did contact me I found it was because she wanted something from me. I felt used and hurt. Now I don't even want to know about her any more.

Hugs and Smiles!

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