For the past few months I have been feeling like that ugly duckling that has learned that he is a beautiful swan that is swimming on a beautiful river filled with peace. the study of pathological psychology and thus, pathological personality disorders was instrumental in bringing me to this point in my life. About two years ago after reading a book on narcissism or the like, which was mentionned years back in another group dealing with personality disorders on DS. I bought that book and read it and it was as if I was being introduced to my mother, a victim of very intense narcissistic traits that stole most of my life from me. The author, a mental health professional of 20 years experiwnce at the time stated that if the readers knew individuals with such traits, to split from them. I did just that where my Mother was concerned and never really looked back. It is now nearly two years of no contact with her and I'm feeling like that swan mentionned above as of the last several months. I am so much more happy and content without her in my life. How I put up with her for so long is hard to figure out. Religion was part of the reason as well as the idea that women are weaker then men,etcetra. But she is out of my life and as she lives in another state/province life is more peaceful again. She now doesn't know her son as I have changed a lot. But I never thought I,d have such aday or time as this. I am so much happier now. Now to create my life. I've made some strides in that area by slowly deciding who I want in my life and who I don't want. Now to try new things and see how I like or don't like them. Enough for now. I never thought I'd ever want to read up on pathological psychology. But that was the hidden shortcut in a long journey ,much involving ME trying to be what was impossible to be. Such shortcuts are invariably discoverred in hind sight. But I'm greatful for those who explored these illnesses and for their books they wrote. They were very significant in aiding me to see that I'm not an ugly duckling, but that beautiful swan swimming gracefully and peacefully in a beautiful river.