No only the enormous amount of pain I'm in but the pain I have caused the people I love. The man I love I hurt so bad and ended our relationship I don't know how to move on or get better. He was everything to me and I don't know why I hurt him all I know is it was not because I don't care or don't love him. I love him so much that I just can't even begin to think of how to go on now without him. My bipolar disorder and lying ruined everything in my life and now I have nothing and no one because of it. I need help I have to get help at least to make sure my kids don't suffer anymore from my lying. I have been so selfish and honestly don't care the least bit about me anymore I just want to take away the hurt I caused him and my kids!!! I'll never be able to show him how much he truly mean to me and how I would do anything to change me for him because I threw away all my chances. I can't eat sleep or even want to do anything at all. This is by far the hardest thing I have even done. I will and have to change to make sure to show everyone I'm not a horrible person and I do love him and my kids more than life. My life truly isn't anything without them. I just really really wish I could make all their hurt go away.
I found this very intersting. When I literally first saw a psychiatrist the first thing he ordered was a brain scan and also gave me a prescription at that time. The prescription worked and I was never told the results of the scan but the meds worked so I can only think the scan was nothing unusual. I think that pdoc was right in ordering my scan for more reasons than I care to...
Todays journal print was to list five people who inspire me. I could only come up with two. My sister and a lady from church. Who inspires YOU?!