Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
Just checking in. I tried to write out my story but it was too long. I have so many things I'm dealing with - my family is dealing with, it's a hard story to start to get into. The bottom line though is that my family is going through something so hard and painful - after we moved out of state for a new opportunity for my wife, my daughter was raped, and everything fell apart.
Bottom line though is my wife needed my honesty more than ever, and I lied to her. I am working full time at a new job, taking side work, and going to might school to finish my professional degree while my wife has been full time mom, handling the district attorney, the criminal court stuff, our lawyers, getting our daughter into a new school, finding therapists. On and on.
It was too much - I started failing one of my classes, and ended up failing 2. I have a long history of lying, and it has hurt us financially. But I didn't go to her. I didn't ask her for help or tell her I needed to drop a class or just say I can't handle this. So I never told her. I don't know if I can finish my degree program, and I have a job where the understanding is that I'm going to become a licensed professional in my field. I sat on this for 6 months. I just didn't talk about it. I'm sure she knew I was hiding something so she was afraid to ask.
I told her I registered. She asked how she could know, how I could prove it, and I blew up and came clean, but in a really mean way. She's devastated, and I'm so ashamed. Our difficult circumstance is no excuse for the lies, in fact it's why I had to be honest. She needed me, and I let her down at a time when we really really needed each other
I denied myself the support she would have given me, because I was too embarrassed, too chicken-shit to just go to her. To be vulnerable to her. To show her and tell her that I needed her. I can't believe I did it, but it's par for the course. I need help. A lot.
My name is John, I'm 51 years old, a father of two beautiful daughters, and husband to a kind, intelligent and loving wife. Thank you for listening jv
Bottom line though is my wife needed my honesty more than ever, and I lied to her. I am working full time at a new job, taking side work, and going to might school to finish my professional degree while my wife has been full time mom, handling the district attorney, the criminal court stuff, our lawyers, getting our daughter into a new school, finding therapists. On and on.
It was too much - I started failing one of my classes, and ended up failing 2. I have a long history of lying, and it has hurt us financially. But I didn't go to her. I didn't ask her for help or tell her I needed to drop a class or just say I can't handle this. So I never told her. I don't know if I can finish my degree program, and I have a job where the understanding is that I'm going to become a licensed professional in my field. I sat on this for 6 months. I just didn't talk about it. I'm sure she knew I was hiding something so she was afraid to ask.
I told her I registered. She asked how she could know, how I could prove it, and I blew up and came clean, but in a really mean way. She's devastated, and I'm so ashamed. Our difficult circumstance is no excuse for the lies, in fact it's why I had to be honest. She needed me, and I let her down at a time when we really really needed each other
I denied myself the support she would have given me, because I was too embarrassed, too chicken-shit to just go to her. To be vulnerable to her. To show her and tell her that I needed her. I can't believe I did it, but it's par for the course. I need help. A lot.
My name is John, I'm 51 years old, a father of two beautiful daughters, and husband to a kind, intelligent and loving wife. Thank you for listening jv
We got her into therapy with an excellent therapist, and my daughter did everything the therapist recommended. We got her into a new school, she thrived, made good friends, did many extracurricular switch leadership roles. She was elected to be her schools graduation class speaker by both the student body and faculty, and she has gotten into a competitive college with a full scholarship.
I realize my post has a lot in it, and I want you all to know that there are some positive things in our life.
I do love my wife, we have been through a lot together. She is kind, loving and honest beyond reproach. She does have an Irish temper and can speak her mind harshly. But it's no excuse for the lies. I need help - I need to know what do. Thanks for listening, and please comment.
Have you seen a therapy for lying? I am currently going right now and I am starting to realize my reasons for all of my lies (big and small) and then I try to go and reflect and discuss them with my family and boyfriend so everyone sees that I am not a monster and why I chose to lie instead of the truth. It also gives them a sense of understanding and takes away some of the hurt that the lies caused.
One thing my therapist taught me was never to act on an impulse (lie, theft, drinking, etc.) when feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. (HALT) Be sure to recognize when you may be feeling one of these ways and try to talk about it or journal it so you wont be tempted to lie about it later.
I wish you the best and am here to talk. I do believe everything happens for a reason. And I hope that you also realize that you are deeply loved by your wife. If she hasn't left you by now she truly ultimately loves you and I just hope you feel lucky to have her because not many people get to make mistakes and still have someone around that loves them.
Also, I am glad to hear that your daughter is doing better and that some things are going positive in your life.
Best of luck.
Support and Prayers.