Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
So something happened today during a text exchange between my wife and I. Here's how it goes....I have always sent her the message "Miss me?"...to which she always replies "Always." Well I sent her that message today, for the second time I guess, and she replied with something like "I already told you I do. Do you need constant validation? The fact that I'm still around should tell you my feelings, even if I don't understand why I'm still here either."
This was kind of like a kick in the stomach and an eye opener at the same time. A few messages later, she said that she gave me constant verbal validation through the years and it didn't matter to me because I still did what I did. And she's right. She has always been open and verbal with me about loving me and wanting me and telling me I'm good looking and smart and funny, etc... Bottom line...she's ALWAYS been very good about giving me positive validation.
But none of her validation mattered to me. I still cheated on her. I still lied to her. I still sought out validation from other women. Why did I need to do that? I had a loving and beautiful wife at home and it wasn't enough for me. And she should have been enough for me. I treated her like garbage....and all she ever did was love and support me. What does that say about me? What's wrong with me?
This was kind of like a kick in the stomach and an eye opener at the same time. A few messages later, she said that she gave me constant verbal validation through the years and it didn't matter to me because I still did what I did. And she's right. She has always been open and verbal with me about loving me and wanting me and telling me I'm good looking and smart and funny, etc... Bottom line...she's ALWAYS been very good about giving me positive validation.
But none of her validation mattered to me. I still cheated on her. I still lied to her. I still sought out validation from other women. Why did I need to do that? I had a loving and beautiful wife at home and it wasn't enough for me. And she should have been enough for me. I treated her like garbage....and all she ever did was love and support me. What does that say about me? What's wrong with me?
There is so much to think about. Why do we lie? What is the ultimate root of it all? There must be a big hole, no wonder we need assurance
My best advice, READ READ READ!! The more you know, the more proactive and productive you can be. That will help both you and your wife.
Also, while she may be great, there was something missing. Maybe you just didn't feel comfortable truly confiding in her and/or sharing your true needs, but you also need to figure this out. Now, that being said, it is NOT her fault. However, you do need to truly understand why this happened in order to prevent it from happening again.
Best of luck to you!