So... I've been on this site almost a week. Not quite, but almost. I've been trying my best to fix what I've done. I had all but admitted to everything I did, but I was doing everything right the last three months. Me and my bf went to Galveston during the last three months too. I'll come back to that in a minute, but about a week and a half ago, my bf caught me in some very bad lies about the past. He really had to think about what he wanted to do about it. There was a whole situation and I almost lost him.

I don't want to lose him. I'm slowly earning his trust back. He didn't want to see me that first week. It was almost a whole week after he found out before he would talk to me over the phone. Everything else was through text. Then this last Tuesday, he came to see me. He had to think about it several days, but I had a very stressful week over all this mess and he wanted to be there to comfort me. We went and watched a movie and cuddled, talked afterwards, and I gave him a little kiss on the cheek when he dropped me off. A little faster than I expected, cause he's kinda making me work for it and he hasn't told me we are back in a relationship or not, but I'm definetly trying to be focused on this issue of my lying so it doesn't happen again.

So back about the Galvenston trip really quickly. He told me before we went, that I should save some money up for it. Well we went and everything we did came out of his pocket. I kept track of it all. And he spoiled me pretty good. The day we got back, I transfered all the money that was spent over that weekend from what I had saved up, which was a couple hundred dollars from hotel expenses, clothes shopping, food, gas, ect. He never saw it and I never noticed it till I was talking the other day about how I had paid him back for the present he bought for my sister, and I took a screenshot of the page... he asked about why all that money was there. I explained and it brought a tear to his eye because he had been worried over the past week thinking I used him the last year and a half for his money and time and gas and the fact I kept track of the expenses and paid everything back to him over the weekend trip.... that meant a lot to him.

He is a really trustworthy and honest guy, and I have great feelings for him. Yeah, I'm fixing things and they are getting better, I just don't know what else I can do to help me know I won't lose him. I mean, he's still talking to me, so that's a good sign. And he's invited me over this weekend... but I'm so worried about him, I don't want to lose sight of trying to fix this problem of mine... because then I'll slip into the idea that it's not a big issue and I'll be fine without help and I can take care of it and control it whenever I want to. :(