I adapted the following thoughts from an OA short guide. Maybe it will be helpful for some of you

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Recovery and a commitment to honesty  short guide

Recovery is the result of living the Liars Anonymous Twelve-Step program. Many of us have come to believe that committing ourselves to honesty on a daily basis is essential to our recovery.

What is abstinence?

According to the dictionary, the word "abstain" means to refrain from. In Liars Anonymous, honesty is the action of refraining from compulsive denial and compulsive lying while working towards or maintaining honest, healthy social interactions. Spiritual, emotional and physical recovery is the result of living the Liars Anonymous twelve-Step program.

What is commitment?

Commitment means to entrust, to put into safekeeping, to pledge oneself to a particular course. Hasn't this been our greatest problem: truly committing ourselves to refraining from compulsive denial and lying on an ongoing basis? Full of determination, we are great in the short run; but when the "everydayness" begins to set in, we lose interest. For most people, abstaining from lying is something temporary-one goes on it and then one goes off it. In Liars Anonymous, we believe in abstaining from compulsive denial and lying every day, one day at a time.

Each individual is free to determine his or her own way of achieving honesty according to personal needs and preferences. Abstaining from compulsive denial and lying has a sense of permanence about it. We abstain only one day at a time, not worrying about any ensuing results. Each new day we recommit to our personal plan of honesty, without thinking about tomorrow, next month or next year.

How do we help ourselves keep this commitment?

We strive to:

§ Entrust ourselves and our honesty to spiritual powers outside and within us, every day. All we need to do is to make the commitment.

§ Cultivate continued acceptance of the fact that our choice is between uncontrollable compulsive denial and lying and doing without that first small, insignificant denial.

§ Cultivate humble gratitude for having discovered that we were compulsive liars, and that we found LA when we did.

§ Accept as natural that for a period of time-and it can be a long one-we may repeatedly experience:

o  the unconscious drive to deny;

o  the sudden, getting caught up in lying;

§ Avoid cultivating or dwelling on positive thoughts about omitted conflicts, insults, discords or hurts to self-esteem, triggered by denying and lying.

§ Stop kidding ourselves that a minor denial or two make some bad situation better or easier to live with. By working the Twelve Steps, we develop a way of thinking and acting, which enables us to live each day without denying and lying compulsively regardless of what may upset us.

§ Remember that each time we face a situation without denying and lying compulsively it will make it easier for us to be honest next time. Making honesty a priority strengthens our commitment. Many times we're afraid we won't make it. Although the drive to deny is powerful, it cannot really hurt us as long as we don't act on it. Our experience shows us that even the strongest urge will pass.

Cultivate enjoyment of abstinence from compulsive denial and lying; because, as a result, we have found:

§ freedom from guilt, remorse and self-condemnation about our denial and lying;

§ freedom from the compulsion that denial and lying once had over us; and

§ the gift to communicate honestly and sleep normally, and wakeup glad we are abstinent.

Some actions that help promote personal abstinence

Here are various actions LA members have used to help promote their abstinence. You are encouraged to take what you like and leave the rest. The following suggestions are not rules. As you develop your own honesty, you may want to discuss these various approaches with your sponsor.

§ Develop a coping plan to tackle with situations that have a high potential of getting into denial and lying. This includes model answers that are honest and that will strengthen our feelings of being sincere and valuable. It might be useful to keep record of difficult situations that we mastered successfully by writing down (1) the event, (2) our thoughts, (3) our adequate, honest response, and (4) our positive feelings thereafter.

§ Plan your day in advance; anticipating what situations you could be facing that have the potential to drawing yourself into defence, denial and lying. Walk through those situations consciously and identify adequate responses that are honest. This can free you from responding habitually with engraved patterns of denial and lying.

§ Work with a sponsor. Find a sponsor who will help you with the program of recovery on all three levels: physical, emotional and spiritual. Many LA members find it helpful to commit their coping plan with challenging situations to a sponsor each day.

§ Use the tools. In addition to a coping plan to tackle challenging situations and sponsorship, LA has other tools of recovery; try to use one or more of them before you start denying and lying compulsively. Expressing your feelings by (1) putting them in writing or by (2) telephoning someone often relieves the drive to defend, to deny and to lie. (3) Reading LA literature or (4) attending an LA meeting helps strengthen you until the compulsion passes. (5) Doing service or (6) reaching out to others is a guaranteed way to refocus your thoughts.

§ Remember HALT. It is suggested that you never get too angry, too lonely, or too tired because this often triggers you sliding into defence, denial and lying. Particularly avoid spontaneous conversations that have the potential to make you feel strained and bring you in a disposition of defence.

§ Enjoy open, honest conversation. Abstinence releases the pain and guilt accumulated over the many years of denial and lying. Relax. Take the time to enjoy your honest converstations. You deserve it.-

§ Follow a predetermined review plan. The review plan aims at identifying positive situations, in which you mastered to stay open and honest. It will also reveal situations, from which we can learn how to improve in the future.

Does keeping a commitment to abstinence seem too much for you?

§ Please don't let any uncomfortable feelings or negative impressions you may have flare you away. Most of us felt the same way in the beginning. And yet, we soon found that practicing the LA Twelve Step program of recovery was doing for us what we had never been able to do for ourselves. In time, we learned a whole new way of living. One day at a time, it works for us, and it can work for you. This we promise.