Your supports need to be a very tight and small group. Keep up the good work and please don't let the negativity get to you.

that's the thing. I thought my girlfriend of 2 years would stick by me. we've been fighting for 2 weeks, and then she called me tonightSo she's confused on what to do, I said you just gave up on meshe said if I gave up on you I wouldn't be talking to youBut she just needed time and space to get her head straight. yeah that sounds like giving up not supporting me

You have to remember that she is entitled to have feelings too. Depending on what happened, she might be really hurt. Remember, you can't get mad at her for having feeling and emotions. Trust me, I know it hurts. I've been there.

I know she's entitled. but when she says you haven't done anything that I know of to change, but she hasn't given me the opportunity to show her. if anything, this has raised my anxiety level.

she said I'm so stressed out I just need time and space, to me that sounds like I hate you go away

No...she needs space. She is entitled to have feelings. Sorry.

It's a process, a slow process. You cannot force her. You will push her away if you rush her.

I am in this same place with my husband. He loves me. I know that. One day he wants to help me though this and work on our marriage. The next day he is so hurt and angry that he can't even look at me or speak to me. The next day he loves me and wants to work on things. And back and forth. He needs time to process and work through what my lying has done to him and to our relationship. We as the liars have been processing all along. Our loved ones have not. Be respectful and give her space to process her feelings. Let her know that you will answer her questions and give her the truths she needs. And Acknowledge that she has a right to be hurt, angry, sad.

well I texted her this morning

( pasted )Ren... If you just said, I'm so mad at you, and I want to give up, but I wanna find way to get through this, because even though you hurt me,
And what you did was wrong, thinking you had good intentions.... I'm going to help you get help for yourself. In the process, help for myself.
Love isn't about convenience. It's about being there when it's not... It's about being there when someone falls on their ass to pick them up and dust them off. To tell them it'll be ok.

And not find reasons  to not believe in them, when hope seems lost.
I need to ask you to accept my past, not to say that it was okay to do those things, but know that I did those things and still love me and still want me, still want us. To believe when it's hardest that I'm worth fighting for.
Because I'm drowning and hoping for you to be there for me because no one else will, because not only because you love me, but because working hard for each other should be something you'd want to do.
So, you have a good day. think about if you can find it deep within yourself to stay when is the hardest, stay when you're wondering why because I'm at my weakest.

Because I'm telling you, that if we can make it through this,
There'll be no stopping us from having the life we want.


At the same time, taking care of the things you need to do, like your son and your job.

I've asked for a chance to prove to you.... But I can't do it on my own.

It takes two to make a relationship work.

You do what you got to do. I hope you have an amazing day.


I didn't get a fuck you, or leave me alone. and I'm trying to see sunshine. her response was this.

I'm in an interview please refrain from sending me messages for next 4hrs.

so I haven't texted, and no plans to all day. I'm actually waiting to hear from her

by the way thank you for all your advice on here

Wait to hear from her. Give her time. She may need a day, a few days, a week. That's okay. You can focus on other things during that time. You can't fix your relationship until you truly commit and put the work into fixing you.

I agree with rlchandler....I feel for all of us here and know we are struggling to get this right. But we have one huge advantage over the other party - we were inside our head the whole time. I know we're also victims of our deception, but we've experienced the whole scenario as it progressed. Look at it from their view (this is what I tell myself) - They went from 'nothing's wrong' (or at least 'things were bad but they're getting better') to 'oh my God what's happening, nothing's what it seems to be' in an instant. I'm riding on an out-of-control train, but they may feel like they were HIT by a train when they weren't even standing on the tracks.....like I said, I tell myself this when I think about my relationship with my wife.....give them time......